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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure what to make of this behaviour at a concert?

153 replies

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:16

From the guy I'm dating. He was maybe slightly tipsy, not drunk as he'd only had 2 pints.
Anyway we were at a gig, I had to leave slightly earlier as I had work the next morning and didn't want to be too tired.
He wanted me to stay which is sweet, but he physically wouldn't let me go. It was a seated gig and I had to wrestle him off of me.
It went on for about several minutes, he thought it was funny but he would not let go of me and he's stronger than me. The woman sitting next to him was eyeballing us for a good while and I said to him, "Stop, people are looking."
I got free and he said to this woman "Oh she has work tomorrow."
Just looking back, not sure if it was just playful or not?

OP posts:
trippily · 23/06/2024 07:17

I would hate that

DustyLee123 · 23/06/2024 07:17

He sounds like a wanker.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 23/06/2024 07:18

Massive red flag. I'd be ending the relationship. Physically trying to force me not to leave? That's not on.

Original poster
Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:18

I kept saying to him, get off me, let go, and so on.

OP posts:
ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 23/06/2024 07:19

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:18

I kept saying to him, get off me, let go, and so on.

Just shows he doesn't care about your feelings, just what he wants to happen.

verdantverdure · 23/06/2024 07:19

If someone tried to physically control me like that then I would tend to meet force with force and they might end up with an elbow in the face which they might not consider quite so playful.

If you had stopped fighting to get free and said "Ok then" and stayed, what do you think would've happened?

AppleKatie · 23/06/2024 07:20

That’s horrible OP that would have really upset me.

LionBarPlease · 23/06/2024 07:21

Awful. I would wonder what other lack of consent he’d be happy to override.

Original poster
Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:22

Sorry if this is a 'drip feed'- but he's very into play fighting. He's bigger and stronger than me so it's very easy for him to pick me up. I mean literally just pick me up off my feet.
I did kick him in the balls once when he did it as I'd had enough.

OP posts:
Wills890 · 23/06/2024 07:23

There aren't many posts on here where the aibu poll is 100% majority! This guy is scary.

prettydesertflower · 23/06/2024 07:25

He is testing the boundaries to see how much you will accept. To do that in public is very disrespectful and given people were looking he was definitely trying to humiliate you.

TooLateForRoses · 23/06/2024 07:26

Stop dating him. He's an idiot. A violent idiot throwing his strength around.

Doingmybest12 · 23/06/2024 07:27

At best he's really not fun to be around and doesn't understand where good humour tips into not listening and ignoring your wishes to amuse himself. Terrible way to begin a relationship.

BiscuityBoyle · 23/06/2024 07:27

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:22

Sorry if this is a 'drip feed'- but he's very into play fighting. He's bigger and stronger than me so it's very easy for him to pick me up. I mean literally just pick me up off my feet.
I did kick him in the balls once when he did it as I'd had enough.

He had control of you physically and refused to stop? Fuck no. How long until that’s rape or assault? No way. End it.

Penguinsmum · 23/06/2024 07:27

That would be the last time I saw him.

LordPercyPercy · 23/06/2024 07:28

Your posts have given me a little chill. Please end things right now.

Didimum · 23/06/2024 07:29

Let you go how? From a hug?

Bogeyes · 23/06/2024 07:30

Get rid.

itsgoingtobeabumpyride · 23/06/2024 07:30

Is it a power play?
It kinda feels like he's asserting his strength/dominance over you.
I wouldn't like any of what you've posted, physically holding onto you and "play" fighting, is he 12 yrs old?
I'd completely lose my shit if anyone got physical with me even dressed up as playfulness.
How long have you been together?
I don't like this for you

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 23/06/2024 07:33

Massive red flag. Huge.

Fraaahnces · 23/06/2024 07:35

Serious control/abuse red flags. He’s getting off on the the power difference. I’d be very concerned. I imagine if you make it clear to him that this is not on he tries to guilt trip you for “making him feel bad”

ApresSailingQueen1 · 23/06/2024 07:37

I feel quite queasy reading this. He uses force on you and calls it playfighting? To the point you have had to kick him to get him to stop and other people who happen to observe it are concerned?

He's violent. He likes asserting his strength over you. It won't be too long before it goes from 'play' to rape and/or a beating. he's already testing your boundaries. And when it happens he'll make you feel like it's your fault because you have put up with it before.

LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 23/06/2024 07:39

Whether he was messing or not doesn’t matter, he wasn’t respecting your boundaries at all. He didn’t say “please stay” he physically tried to make you stay. Not ok at all and in my experience the tip of a very toxic iceberg.

JustRollWithIt · 23/06/2024 07:39

I think it's hard to judge without knowing how your relationship is at all other times. The optimist in me likes to think it was just a bit of fun and that he adores being with you so much he didn't want you to leave and did this in a loving/jokey way. But who knows! Still, if you were not enjoying it he should have stopped sooner!

turkeymuffin · 23/06/2024 07:40

ApresSailingQueen1 · 23/06/2024 07:37

I feel quite queasy reading this. He uses force on you and calls it playfighting? To the point you have had to kick him to get him to stop and other people who happen to observe it are concerned?

He's violent. He likes asserting his strength over you. It won't be too long before it goes from 'play' to rape and/or a beating. he's already testing your boundaries. And when it happens he'll make you feel like it's your fault because you have put up with it before.

This.

He's CLEARLY not a good guy. You need to listen to your inner voice and protect yourself from him. Seriously, don't make excuses for him but you can be sure no one will make excuses for you when you're a shell of yourself but it was "obvious what he was like".

Run away and live your life.