Not sure what to make of this behaviour at a concert?

[Skeletonsandsidewalks]

From the guy I'm dating. He was maybe slightly tipsy, not drunk as he'd only had 2 pints.
Anyway we were at a gig, I had to leave slightly earlier as I had work the next morning and didn't want to be too tired.
He wanted me to stay which is sweet, but he physically wouldn't let me go. It was a seated gig and I had to wrestle him off of me.
It went on for about several minutes, he thought it was funny but he would not let go of me and he's stronger than me. The woman sitting next to him was eyeballing us for a good while and I said to him, "Stop, people are looking."
I got free and he said to this woman "Oh she has work tomorrow."
Just looking back, not sure if it was just playful or not?

As a person that always tried to see the best in men (and stayed on a few toxic relationships for too long as a result): it doesn’t really matter if in his head he was just playing, the important thing here is that he made you feel very uncomfortable.
It doesn’t matter that he thought that it was funny if he didn’t let go of you when you wanted him to.
His perspective on things doesn’t matter. What he makes you feel acting like that matters. Always follow your gut.
He’s showed you who he is, believe it.
Best of luck 💐

He adores her so much he doesn’t care that she wants to go, physically restrains her and continues to do so even though she’s not enjoying it? And this is not the first time.

You sound ridiculous.

The fact that you are questioning it shows that your instincts are sound - and the woman next to you was having the same thoughts. Throw this one back and find someone who respects your boundaries and your right to leave when you want to.

It’s an LTB from me. Men who do not listen when you are being serious and telling them no are not good guys. It’s controlling and inconsiderate at best and creepy and rapey at worst.

A sec or two might be funny/playfighting… more than that nope.. just nope…

This sort of thing can be cute for about 5 seconds - you go to leave and they jokingly hang on and pull you back in for one more kiss goodbye or similar.

Being physically restrained for several minutes while you tell them to let you go is not fun. I can't bear it even when my husband playfully blocks a door. Because i actually am trapped unless he chooses to move. It reminds you that all the physical power is theirs. Horrible.

If you say stop-he stops. Whatever it is.

No no and another no! This is ongoing behaviour and not just a one off. To have to kick a man in the balls to get him to stop shows he likes to exert physical control over you, with no regards to your feelings. The same as sex, no means no, get off means get off etc

Massive Red Flag. If that's what he can do in public I dread to think what could happen behind closed doors.

ImO it's not playfighting if it's not mutual between both parties and not stopping without force.
That would be a deal breaker for me

His behaviour was bad but honestly leaving because you would be too tired for work is ridiculous.... Who leaves a concert early??

Agree with PP about if he does this in public what on earth will he do in private?

He restrained you to the point of other people looking and seemingly being concerned- that is extremely worrying and the woman watching was probably concerned for your safety as I would be in her shoes.

Dont ignore this- this is how abuse starts and it WILL escalate as he's doing this right at the start when people are supposedly on their best behaviour.
He isnt "sweet", it isnt "sweet", its controlling and abusive.

Have ONE serious conversation and if he is anything but completely ashamed and apologetic at a (possible) misplaced 'joke' then end it straight away.

This is a genuine red flag, don't ignore it.

Using strength this way is not to be ignored.

Were you laughing, did you sound cross?

Adults who want to.

People are free to do as they choose.

This just sounds like red flag city.

That sounds awful, I wouldn't like that at all.

Absolutely not, in the bin!

If you stay with this lemon, you will never know when he is about to strike with his 'physical humour' . I couldn't live with knowing any minute I might have my neck snapped as part of a joke.

Oh no, I voted YABU by accident! Obviously YANBU! He sounds frightening and I wouldn't want to be alone with him.

Since she had to kick him in the bollocks to get away, I doubt she was laughing.

You'd had enough and had to kick him in the balls to get him to stop?

Let him go. He's not remotely respectful or responsive to your boundaries.

This! Massive red flag - please get far far away from him.

I agree. "She liked choking- it was only a game", "I didnt realise how strong I actually was", "thats just how our relationship was- we were always physical with each other- she loved it", "no, we were both always physical with each other- I cant understand how this happened, I loved her so much"

shudder

The only faintly positive interpretation of this is he's emotionally immature because that's the kind of thing teenagers do. Unfortunately I'm not sure that's any more attractive than a controlling psycho who's going to end up hurting you so either way, I don't think it's worth persevering.

A single, please don't go and a hug would have been irritating but okay. He took it too far, like children do, and that is deeply unsexy.