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Original poster

Not sure what to make of this behaviour at a concert?

153 replies

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:16

From the guy I'm dating. He was maybe slightly tipsy, not drunk as he'd only had 2 pints.
Anyway we were at a gig, I had to leave slightly earlier as I had work the next morning and didn't want to be too tired.
He wanted me to stay which is sweet, but he physically wouldn't let me go. It was a seated gig and I had to wrestle him off of me.
It went on for about several minutes, he thought it was funny but he would not let go of me and he's stronger than me. The woman sitting next to him was eyeballing us for a good while and I said to him, "Stop, people are looking."
I got free and he said to this woman "Oh she has work tomorrow."
Just looking back, not sure if it was just playful or not?

OP posts:
PiningForTheFjordz · 23/06/2024 08:14

Mate, run!
Even looking at this from the best possible angle for him, he is an annoying and embarrassing twat and you're a grown woman who doesn't have time for that shit.

ThatAgileGoldMoose · 23/06/2024 08:14

He is showing you clearly that he is prepared to use physical force to force you to do what you don't want to do. He couldnt be any more clear.

Bluntly, his defence at your murder trial will be "Sex game gone wrong".

Bellarose53 · 23/06/2024 08:14

Just read about you having to kick him in the groin.
You are dating him- he should be trying to impress you not impose himself on you.
Get rid!

BirthdayRainbow · 23/06/2024 08:18

It's only playing if you both want and enjoy it.

This is not a relationship you should or need to be in.

GabriellaMontez · 23/06/2024 08:20

This is making my skin crawl.

Hatecleaninglovecleanhouse · 23/06/2024 08:20

This is not playfighting.

Me and ex used to sometimes do what people might call playfighting. Don't care if it's childish, it used to amuse us. The difference is that it was seconds rather than minutes, and he never used his strength to actually hurt me, and never to restrain or control me.

This is a power/dominance thing between you, real not play violence, and I agree he is testing your boundaries. Expect worse if you stay with him.

Honestly, if having to defend yourself by kicking him in the nuts wasn't enough of a red flag for you, I'm not sure what will be.

Springwatch123 · 23/06/2024 08:23

Maybe funny first time, but the fact you had to repeatedly ask him shows he went too far, and if you felt comfortable with it, you wouldn’t be posting here.

Listen to your gut instinct.

Waspwine · 23/06/2024 08:23

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:16

From the guy I'm dating. He was maybe slightly tipsy, not drunk as he'd only had 2 pints.
Anyway we were at a gig, I had to leave slightly earlier as I had work the next morning and didn't want to be too tired.
He wanted me to stay which is sweet, but he physically wouldn't let me go. It was a seated gig and I had to wrestle him off of me.
It went on for about several minutes, he thought it was funny but he would not let go of me and he's stronger than me. The woman sitting next to him was eyeballing us for a good while and I said to him, "Stop, people are looking."
I got free and he said to this woman "Oh she has work tomorrow."
Just looking back, not sure if it was just playful or not?

Trust your instincts. Always trust your instincts.

Sillystrumpet · 23/06/2024 08:25

He’d have to have an incredibly low tolerance to be tipsy after two pints.

hes just your common or garden wanker.

AGodawfulsmallaffair · 23/06/2024 08:25

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:22

Sorry if this is a 'drip feed'- but he's very into play fighting. He's bigger and stronger than me so it's very easy for him to pick me up. I mean literally just pick me up off my feet.
I did kick him in the balls once when he did it as I'd had enough.

Fuck him, that’s horrible power play and I’d be off. Imagine him doing this to your child? Your daughter?

countcalculia · 23/06/2024 08:25

This is a serious red flag. Ignore at your peril. 🚩

KreedKafer · 23/06/2024 08:31

Play-fighting is only OK when both people want to play. And also, really grim to do that in public.

Whiskeywithoutice · 23/06/2024 08:31

Frankly, do you see Mr Right as being the sort of man who physically restrains you in public and indulges in "play fighting" so extreme you feel obliged to knee him in the groin? I don't think many women would and this is the early stages of a relationship where he is likely on his best behaviour. Imagine what he'll be like in a few years and end this.

Nouvellenovel · 23/06/2024 08:33

I feel panicky just reading your post op.
There's something very disturbing about a grown man thinking its fun to physically restrain his partner against her will.

IggityZiggity · 23/06/2024 08:33

Run.

ReachedEndofTether · 23/06/2024 08:36

It's a red flag. He let you go because "people were looking", but one day he will do this at home, where no-one is looking and then what are you going to do? Sorry, but I think you need to take this as a warning and stop seeing him. He may be "sweet", and he will say he doesn't understand and was only joking, but it's not a joke you want played out in private.

Fatlittlefruits · 23/06/2024 08:36

He thinks using his physical strength to get you to do something you don't want to do is ok?

I think you know what you need to do here.

ActivePeony · 23/06/2024 08:36

Run and do not look back. I imagine that the woman watching was afraid for your safety as I would have been.
Dump him now and then be extra vigilant about your safety as he sounds like a violent, controlling arsehole.

Ghostgirl77 · 23/06/2024 08:38

He is either just an idiot with no understanding of women who thinks using his physical strength like that is funny or he’s controlling and potentially dangerous.

Either way run for the hills.

ActivePeony · 23/06/2024 08:38

JustRollWithIt · 23/06/2024 07:39

I think it's hard to judge without knowing how your relationship is at all other times. The optimist in me likes to think it was just a bit of fun and that he adores being with you so much he didn't want you to leave and did this in a loving/jokey way. But who knows! Still, if you were not enjoying it he should have stopped sooner!

No.

Moonlitwalk · 23/06/2024 08:40

OP- you ask if it's just playful or not. You literally had to kick him in the balls to physically get him off you- does that sound playful and fun?

It doesnt to me- it sounds like abuse. Leave this man- these are huge red flags waving right in your face and the fact you are even questioning this makes me think he's already gaslighting you into think its fine because he "was only playing". Its not ok and its a warning sign of worse to come.

Get out now.

MrsWhites · 23/06/2024 08:40

Never see him again. If he will behave like this in public what will he do in private?

Scruffily · 23/06/2024 08:42

It's not play fighting when he will always win because he's physically more powerful. That's at least two occasions when he wouldn't stop when asked. It will certainly escalate if you stay with him.

Time to throw this one back, OP.

brightpompoms · 23/06/2024 08:44

At best he sounds immature. At worst he's controlling. Move on

Yougotwhatstuckwhere · 23/06/2024 08:44

I have only once in my life kicked a man in bollocks.
He was attacking me.
If you had to defend yourself in such a way already then please listen to everyone (apart from the apologist) and end this before you become another statistic.
I'm sorry he's not what you hoped for but there will be someone who will love and respect you.
But first, you need to love and respect yourself. 🌻🩷

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