Not sure what to make of this behaviour at a concert?

[Skeletonsandsidewalks]

From the guy I'm dating. He was maybe slightly tipsy, not drunk as he'd only had 2 pints.
Anyway we were at a gig, I had to leave slightly earlier as I had work the next morning and didn't want to be too tired.
He wanted me to stay which is sweet, but he physically wouldn't let me go. It was a seated gig and I had to wrestle him off of me.
It went on for about several minutes, he thought it was funny but he would not let go of me and he's stronger than me. The woman sitting next to him was eyeballing us for a good while and I said to him, "Stop, people are looking."
I got free and he said to this woman "Oh she has work tomorrow."
Just looking back, not sure if it was just playful or not?

Who the fuck are the 4% that don’t think you’re reasonable? Do they think it’s ok for someone to physically restrain you?! Jesus Christ, that is not ok. The playfighting, just no, you’re adults, not 14 year old boys. Has he never grown up? Using his strength against you is not ok. Throw this one back, OP.

@Skeletonsandsidewalks please leave him.
This was behaviour he thought was ok to do in public when he knew people were watching. He will do worse in private. He is resting your boundaries and wearing you down so you then get raped and assaulted. Please run. He thought this was acceptable in public and will do far worse in private

You know this is wrong, otherwise you wouldn’t be posting.

He’s not nice. Your post gave me the creeps.

It would have been "sweet" if he left with you and made sure you got home ok. Any kind of physical contact that makes you uncomfortable is not OK, especially from someone you barely know. And, especially, when you say "stop" and they don't listen.

At the moment this is disrespectful and unpleasant, but I'm sure you can see the possibility likelihood of it going to a really bad place, OP.

It would have been "sweet" if he left with you and made sure you got home ok

Exactly- this is what a "sweet" decent man would have done. It's not like you left midway through- you said slightly early. A decent man would have left with you to make sure you got home safely- that is the very definition of sweet.

"Sweet" is not physically restraining you to the point that other people were looking on in concern. His actions are all about him and what HE wants, using force to control you. Thats not remotely sweet, it's gross, abusive behaviour and it indicates he cannot respect the word "no". Think about how that will play out in the future if he wont respect you saying no.....

Run.

*He likes playfighting because he always wins. He wouldn’t like it so much if he was being pinned down by someone much bigger and stronger than him. He’s getting pleasure, probably sexually, from knowing he can do whatever he wants to you and you can’t stop him.

its not a huge leap to assume he will rape you*

It isn't a huge leap at all. That's what happened to me.
Not straight away, it took time. But it got to the stage where, when l said no, he said he had 'rights'. And if l still said no, he ignored me and carried on.
More than once l woke up with him trying to have sex with me.
Is that something you're comfortable with, OP?

Yeah, I'd be dumping him. He's ignoring your distress. Will he ignore your distress when his hands are round your neck?

God I’d find this beyond irritating.

A rapist in the making…..if not already.

but he's very into play fighting. He's bigger and stronger than me so it's very easy for him to pick me up.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 He will use this as a form of control and intimidation. If he didn’t understand your “Stop” meant stop when will he understand it?

I’d be worried about what happens when he wants sex and you don’t? Will he physically force that too?
I would be out of there!

Its never ever a 'joke' to use your size and strength advantage against someone. Decent men know this from when they first become aware they have that advantage over us and are careful never to use it. After all, once that becomes a thing, all bets are off arent they? He is not a good one.

He's bigger and stronger than me so it's very easy for him to pick me up.

Surely most men are bigger and stronger than women. They don't usually use this basic biological fact to overpower and dominate women.

I work in a school. I'm bigger and stronger than every child there. But I don't pick them up or use my stronger body as a way to get them to do what I want.

You can change your vote.

Eeeewww.

I like a good play fight but one hold and you saying get off me would be a laugh. Any more than that is weird, clingy, controlling or testing boundaries. Your choice which.

If he'll do that in a very public and inappropriate place, how far will he go in private?
I suspect, OP, that you haven't yet found out and you need to leave before you do.

Fucking hell. Run.

This behaviour sounds infuriating at best and abusive at worst. Red bunting all over this one.
I find it really weird that he thought the reason the other woman was looking at you both was she was wondering why you were going early - not his behaviour. Like he thought he wasn"t doing anything wrong. He won't change and he"ll just get worse. Ditch him.
He sounds a bit like my ex. Always playfighting (when I clearly wasn't in the mood) and taking the piss out of my relative weakness. Constantly tickling me when I had shouted at him several times that I hated it. Living with him put me on edge all the time. Not just when he tickled me but the frequent joking that he was about to tickle me, and me constantly, fearfully anticipating the next tickling session/ jab in the sides. It was no way to live. He was quite insecure, I think, and needed control at all times. Don't subject yourself to the life I led. Even if he is unaware of the pain/ embarrassment he's causing, you have the right to a better life than this.

I'd be running for the hills.

You're not his teenage brother! This behaviour just isn't funny.

That was me. Fat fingers. Thanks to @BirthdayRainbow I managed to change my vote. Hope the OP has kicked this guy to the kerb.

I remember going away for a week with some friends and one of them was seeing a woman who was very petite and he used to constantly pick her up and dangle her down by her feet as we were walking . It was weird. She didn't seem to care.

You need to run for the hills, this is the second episode of him not giving a toss about you or your boundaries. What else is he not going to listen to no about?

Another one with an ex like this. Again, young and ‘liked him’, thought he was a bit eccentric, but so am I. Was also raised not to understand what was acceptable personal boundaries are. He eventually became quite sexually aggressive, thought he could inappropriately touch me at any given moment, hurt me during sex. Never any domestic violence but certainly left me feeling so out of control of my own anatomy. When I started pushing back he was so offended, because it had become the norm for him to have a right to grab me whenever he pleased.

Honestly, I’d just leave this now.