Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not sure what to make of this behaviour at a concert?

153 replies

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:16

From the guy I'm dating. He was maybe slightly tipsy, not drunk as he'd only had 2 pints.
Anyway we were at a gig, I had to leave slightly earlier as I had work the next morning and didn't want to be too tired.
He wanted me to stay which is sweet, but he physically wouldn't let me go. It was a seated gig and I had to wrestle him off of me.
It went on for about several minutes, he thought it was funny but he would not let go of me and he's stronger than me. The woman sitting next to him was eyeballing us for a good while and I said to him, "Stop, people are looking."
I got free and he said to this woman "Oh she has work tomorrow."
Just looking back, not sure if it was just playful or not?

OP posts:
Cherryana · 23/06/2024 07:40

Do not see him ever again.

You will get another date/boyfriend.
No boyfriend/date is better than him.

FionnulaTheCooler · 23/06/2024 07:41

Run far and fast from this man. I hope he doesn't know where you live so you can easily block all forms of contact with him.

betterangels · 23/06/2024 07:41

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:18

I kept saying to him, get off me, let go, and so on.

He's not sweet, OP.

betterangels · 23/06/2024 07:43

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:22

Sorry if this is a 'drip feed'- but he's very into play fighting. He's bigger and stronger than me so it's very easy for him to pick me up. I mean literally just pick me up off my feet.
I did kick him in the balls once when he did it as I'd had enough.

Yikes. Run the fuck away.

Daisy12Maisie · 23/06/2024 07:44

I would never contact him again after that. What adult woman wants to "play fight" with a man who is physically stronger and doesn't respect boundaries. It sounds really scary. I wouldn't even give an explanation so he can argue and make you doubt yourself. I would just say I didn't have a good time last night so I don't want to see you again. Then delete and block.

VillageLifeIsTricky · 23/06/2024 07:47

Wow. Why on earth would anyone continue to date somebody who's behaved in such a physically overpowering manner? He clearly gets a kick from it, has zero regard for you and it sounds as though he's stepping it up...

Exerting enough physical force to render you unable to move when you needed to leave... that is one of the most unhinged things I've ever heard and it would be the last time he ever saw me.

VillageLifeIsTricky · 23/06/2024 07:51

JustRollWithIt · 23/06/2024 07:39

I think it's hard to judge without knowing how your relationship is at all other times. The optimist in me likes to think it was just a bit of fun and that he adores being with you so much he didn't want you to leave and did this in a loving/jokey way. But who knows! Still, if you were not enjoying it he should have stopped sooner!

Found the man 🙄

TerfTalking · 23/06/2024 07:52

Weird behaviour, not discounting him knowing and seemingly liking to overpower you, but he didn’t give a shiny shit about it being in public. So it appears to be normal behaviour to him.

Time to throw him back.

AutumnFroglets · 23/06/2024 07:52

It's not playfulness OP. It's the physical form of banter which is not about humour or fun but about humiliation, lack of respect and how much you are willing to succumb to his control and take his abuse.

If he had stopped when you asked then I would have given a different answer.

wouldthatbeworse · 23/06/2024 07:57

Please stop dating this man. It won't remain "play" fighting. You deserve much better than this. Being by yourself is 1000 times better than this. Please don't think that this is a compromise or what you're worth.

LakeTiticaca · 23/06/2024 07:58

Red flags all over this. He physically restrained you and I hate the expression "playfighting" small children do that,not grown adults. It's a form of control imho. He's shown you his true colours. Believe him

greenatthetop · 23/06/2024 07:58

I dumped a guy on the first date who behaved like this.

And btw, it’s not ‘sweet’ that he wanted you to stay. It would have been sweet if he had respected why you needed to go.

JustRollWithIt · 23/06/2024 07:58

To add to my previous post, the fact that you are looking for advice/thoughts on here, suggests that in your gut you know this isn't right.

Sasqwatch · 23/06/2024 08:00

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:22

Sorry if this is a 'drip feed'- but he's very into play fighting. He's bigger and stronger than me so it's very easy for him to pick me up. I mean literally just pick me up off my feet.
I did kick him in the balls once when he did it as I'd had enough.

This isn’t a healthy relationship OP, you need to end it now.
Run don’t walk.

Gettingannoyednow · 23/06/2024 08:03

It's a test to see what he can get away with. I wouldn't meet him again. And I wouldn't get into any conversations where he could try to argue with me or justify his behaviour (because he will), just "sorry I'm not feeling it anymore, no I don't want to be friends, bye."

Testina · 23/06/2024 08:03

You had to kick him in the balls to get him the fuck off you, and that wasn’t enough to end it?
Do you think it’s because this was in public and you saw it the way the woman was seeing it?

At the very least, it’s annoying, disrespectful and tedious. All of things I would actively look to avoid in a boyfriend.

VJBR · 23/06/2024 08:05

Apart from anything else he sounds very immature. You want to be with a man, not a big kid.

litlleseahorse · 23/06/2024 08:06

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:22

Sorry if this is a 'drip feed'- but he's very into play fighting. He's bigger and stronger than me so it's very easy for him to pick me up. I mean literally just pick me up off my feet.
I did kick him in the balls once when he did it as I'd had enough.

Oh Lord, I HATE that. Same with tickling- it's not fun or silly or a laugh, it's excruciating to me and I hate it. I dont want to fcking wrestle with someone I'm dating, thats something 10 year old boys do.

I agree that this is a big red flag and it wouldnt fly with me. Get out. This could escalate and if he thinks being physical is the answer to you saying "no" thats extremely concerning.

greenatthetop · 23/06/2024 08:06

Skeletonsandsidewalks · 23/06/2024 07:22

Sorry if this is a 'drip feed'- but he's very into play fighting. He's bigger and stronger than me so it's very easy for him to pick me up. I mean literally just pick me up off my feet.
I did kick him in the balls once when he did it as I'd had enough.

Well you know who he is. Either continue to be humiliated by this arse of a man or leave him.

Epidote · 23/06/2024 08:07

Leave him.
Whatever he thinks he is doing it is not funny for you. That on its own is enough to leave him.

Supersoakers · 23/06/2024 08:10

My dsis play fights with her partner and kids! I think if you’re into it it’s fine but otherwise, definitely not and you clearly don’t like it at all!

Theeyeballsinthesky · 23/06/2024 08:11

God yuk no! Run very fast away from him & don’t look back

Bellarose53 · 23/06/2024 08:12

Stay away- as pp said he was testing your ability to tolerate aggression.
Block and move on
Plenty more out there to date x

Tillievanilly · 23/06/2024 08:13

Controlling behaviour…..

Allie47 · 23/06/2024 08:14

I wouldn't see him again and would block him on everything. He's testing boundaries, it will escalate 💐