Weird colleague - would you say something?

[dillydal]

I'm relatively new in my organisation, in the first couple of months. I was waiting for a lift to go home, as was a man I'd never met. Suddenly, he reached into my bag and rummaged around. At the bottom of my bag was a bag of coffee which he pulled out, in the process pulling out some tampons, a box of sertraline and athletes foot cream that I'd got from Boots on my lunch break. As we got into the lift, he then started throwing the coffee between his hands like you would do if you're teasing a child and kept repeatedly saying quite close to my face "you're not having it back". At this point, I was really uncomfortable and said quite tersely, you shouldn't go in someone's bag. I think he realised he'd crossed a line and quickly gave it me bag. I found it really odd and feel it's worth flagging to my manager just even for a quiet word about conduct but not sure I'm making a big issue. That said, he made me feel really uncomfortable and is allowed to just forgot. Would you flag quietly with your line manager?

I would report him to HR. That is beyond weird!

Report it very weird behaviour I wouldn’t put up with someone going in my bag infact I’d have kicked off when he did it , he wouldn’t have got to take it in the lift as I’d have hurt him 😂

Flag it with your manager as a concern but never go in a lift with him again even if it makes you late and don’t bother making excuses to him like “I forgot such and such”
He clearly doesn’t respect you, that you are an adult, or boundaries.
He did this when it was just you and him so he is an opportunist when it comes to unacceptable behaviour.

Please ensure you use this man as a reminder to look confident in your body language and walk.

Don’t initiate social banter with him.

He may be the office clown but he may also be on a different level when it concerns having regard and respect for others which could spell more challenging behaviour that could cross too many lines.

for now try not to be alone with him and only engage if he initiates.
Talk to this individual with confidence, professionalism but not friendship.

It takes a while to get to know your way round the office so staying polite and professional for a while before people pleasingly (if your prone like many of us) will really help put you in good stead for the future

However definitely have a quiet word with your manager.

Not quietly. Very loudly. He needs to be fired. This is crossing every possible line.

That is appalling behaviour by this man. I’d definitely report this to your Manager.

From an HR perspective, definitely flag it. Up to you if you want to raise it formally, but definitely raise it informally. If you aren't comfortable with this method, raise it in between conversations, you just need to make sure that it is noted as an occurrence. Bullying behaviour usually has to have been done more than once. Just make sure your manager is aware of this occurance

Exactly

I've thought of something else. I'm a man, living with my female partner. We've been together for 24 years. I would not even go through HER bag in that way. That's how weird this behaviour is. Please report it. And follow it up to make sure something is done.

Of course report it. And keep away from him.

You don't need to do this quietly - this should be loud.

Pay no attention to those who are faulting you. Putting myself in your place I would have been in total shock to immediately react.

Who rummages in a stranger’s bag? Utterly bizarre, inappropriate behaviour. Formal complaint required.

I would be very careful about reporting it until you know the company fully. Years ago I reported someone for watching porn when he should have been working and also mentioned that his coding was poor and inefficient. It turned out he had been mates with one of the directors. The whole thing got twisted around and I got in trouble for trying to make an employee look bad. Another time I had an incompetent manager who had been promoted as he was the BIL of a director. Be careful!

Oh and the first person I mentioned was divorced by his wife and subsequently moved to Thailand where he got a very young bride. He is apparently involved in the porn industry there. A unpleasant piece of work.

How did you happen to be in the same car getting a lift with the same person with someone you’ve never met before? Were you both sent to something together by taxi?

i would report this, but be prepared for your manager to sa something like ‘oh that just John, he’s harmless!’…

You need a response ready like ‘that not ‘just’ John, he violated my privacy and scared me and I want him spoken to!’

Well done you, you thought of your own pushback, and ended the weirdness all by yourself.

Perhaps your successful stance will be enough that this Guy will not do this sort of thing with you again?

she was waiting for a lift (as in elevator) and they both got in said lift and that’s where it happened. Not waiting for a lift as in someone to take you somewhere in their car.

That would have been me too. You should tell your manager in a kind of “is he okay?” kind of question

she was waiting for a lift (as in elevator)

I've been thinking it was a car all this time!

I realise I was confused about the lift - I thought it happened in a lift.

I was thinking same thing, weird behaviour and definitely breach of privacy.
He needs hauled up and told not acceptable behaviour.

My (male) partner and I (woman) have been together about the same length of time and, even if I say, 'It's in my bag, just have a rummage' he tends to hand me my bag and let me do it instead. Drives me nuts if my hands are in washing-up water or otherwise occupied, but in light of this I now appreciate his tact and respect a bit more!

Find out his work email address & send him a message saying how you will not tolerate him going through your bag & personal belongings & that you request he apologises to you for doing so. BCC your Manager into it too that way it's all recorded & evidence if anything else like this happens.
In future though don't let anyone near enough to you to rummage around in your bag & get a new one that zips up if the one you have doesn't.

That’s horrendous! Weren’t you scared? I would have been terrified! So, yes, please report him, if you haven’t already. Have other colleagues suffered in this way?

Absolutely! Report it now! How rude and nasty of him, obviously a bully.
Incidentally, I was married to my late husband for 54 years and if I ever asked him to get something out of my bag, he always simply passed the bag over to me. He said he never felt comfortable going in my bag even though I asked him to! He never looked at my phone or emails either, bless him.

I think by a lift, she meant a lift in a building, not a lift by car, therefore she didn’t get in a car with a stranger.

OP, did any more happen here? Was he odd again?