Weird colleague - would you say something?

[dillydal]

I'm relatively new in my organisation, in the first couple of months. I was waiting for a lift to go home, as was a man I'd never met. Suddenly, he reached into my bag and rummaged around. At the bottom of my bag was a bag of coffee which he pulled out, in the process pulling out some tampons, a box of sertraline and athletes foot cream that I'd got from Boots on my lunch break. As we got into the lift, he then started throwing the coffee between his hands like you would do if you're teasing a child and kept repeatedly saying quite close to my face "you're not having it back". At this point, I was really uncomfortable and said quite tersely, you shouldn't go in someone's bag. I think he realised he'd crossed a line and quickly gave it me bag. I found it really odd and feel it's worth flagging to my manager just even for a quiet word about conduct but not sure I'm making a big issue. That said, he made me feel really uncomfortable and is allowed to just forgot. Would you flag quietly with your line manager?

He has broken the law
Trespass to Chattels: This is a legal term referring to the intentional interference with another person's possessions. You would be quite entitled to report him to the police.

What a complete wanker to put you in that position. It is intimidating and aggressive disguised as jokey. In a lift too - a confined space with no immediate escape route. Do raise it with your line manager. Don't be fobbed off. It is awkward because you are new in the role, but hold on to the fact that he was in the wrong and his behaviour was completely out of order. Don't take any shit of the type "That's just X's way. He doesn't mean anything by it." etc.

Ha! Try working in the public sector. He'd go off sick for six months and then file a grievance.

I am female, not sure if you are OP but I’d 100% be reporting.

Hi OP - I'm assuming you're not a 6'5 hulking male?

OP had tampons in her bag, so it's not the world's most confounding mystery...

It's a pity that you didn't have a loaded mouse trap in there - it would be interesting to hear how he would have raised a complaint about getting injured when he was violating your privacy and rummaging uninvited in your bag.

I find it incredibly odd behaviour, and whilst i
understand your “ WTF stunned into no action” response at the time.

Personally if this happened recently ( like the last week) I would send the person an email saying something along the lines of

” hi colleague x

when you invaded my privacy and personal space by going through my bag, it made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I’m not sure why you would do such a thing in any case but i want to make it clear I find this behaviour absolutely unacceptable and any further incidences of this nature will be reported and pursued through HR/MAnagement.

Please ensure your future behaviour is in keeping with the professional environment in which we interact.

regards.”

this way there is a informal record of it having happened should anything else occur and you need to report to HR and shows initiative that you have tried to deal with the issue yourself and there is no doubt that the weird colleague knew it was unacceptable.

hope this helps

I'd be asking a manager if there is something wrong with this man as you're completely bamboozled by his behaviour.

Would I flag it quietly with my line manager? No.

Would I flag it loudly and firmly with a senior person in HR, or if a relatively small company MD as well, oh yes.

I would send the person an email saying something along the lines of

Goodness no, this is just inviting more weird behaviour. If a grown man needs to be told that this isn't appropriate in the workplace, or at all, he's already got major issues. If he's very young and/or very junior and not been in the workplace much, then he needs someone with a lot of clout to point it out making it clear that if there is a next time it'll be a sackable offence (gross breach of standards in my opinion so doesn't need a first warning etc. first).

shouting what the hell do you think you’re doing

On balance (and only when we think it is safe to do so) we should be doing a heck of a lot more of this and less pussy footing around it, and our colleagues, management, HR and the general public should be supporting us in that.

This is so beyond the bounds of normal behavior I would 100% report it.

Wtaf?!? In 30 years I have never experienced anything this weird and intrusive in the workplace. How does someone that odd even hold down a job? I’d have gone back up in the lift and reported it immediately. The man’s a nutter.

You let him go in your bag and only said "you should not go in someone's bag"? If it was me he would have had a slap when that hand went in the bag and some rather strangers words such as "wtf do you think you are doing?"
Are you usually a complete doormat?

No, I would scream it from the fucking rooftops! Absolutely unacceptable.

Yeah, it was all her fault. What is this crap, seriously? Not sure if I'd be ready to take on a man in an enclosed space like that. Why on earth aren't you asking why he's doing that, rather than blaming the victim?

It's like saying to a rape victim "well, you didn't put up a fight". The body has it's own reactions to fear and danger.

This is extremely weird, no normal person would go in someone elses bag and take out their stuff. Raise it atriaght away with a senior manager and HR. Record this behaviour, date, time and don't be alone with him.

I remember years ago in the late 90s having a very strange male colleague. He once threw blu tac at my hair and it got all caught up in it. A different colleague who was older than me at the time told him what a twit he was and took me to her house and spent about half an hour combing it out, bless her. I had the misfortune of having to carry on working with him for the next few years. Eventually he was sacked for gross misconduct and was imprisoned for having indecent pictures of children on his home computer. Looking back I wished I'd reported him for his weird behaviour, but I was too young to even think it was my place to do so. I bloody would now!

I’d be inclined to mention it to other colleagues, within his hearing, to get their reaction. It might just shame him

Really sinister behaviour

report!!!

I wouldn't be saying something. He might, after getting hit for attempting to go through my bag. There's zero chance that someone will infringe on my boundaries without catching hands.

Lol. Exactly this!

I would mention it to all my colleagues.

This. It’s bullying.

If you do decide to raise it, make sure he isn't your manager or HR person !

Definitely. That's shocking.