Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

[CrossingBoundaries007]

Sorry for the log post. First for the backstory I have been dating this he's really nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy etc. He has expressed a desire to to marry me. He is divorced with 3 kids.

The issue is that when we met he told me about his bad credit. I wasn't really sure why but he had some debt, so hasn't been able to get a mortgage but he is self employed (contractor) earns comfortably so he's been trying to pay it off.

The issue now is recently he's found it hard to pay his bills. He works hard but the contacts have not been as consistent and many don't pay as well as before. He's just told me he can't pay his car insurance which was really high and he can't pay his rent and he pays the rent of his ex wife ) (in full) who the children live with and he has a child in a fee private school school fees is around 7k. He never discussed his choice to put his child in private school with me he just told me after the fact and that's a big part of my he has large outgoings. He's now finding it hard to pay that also.

The insurance company have cancelled his insurance for not paying and he really needs his car to drive to work which can be very far away sometimes.

i want to help him I suggested speaking to citizens advice etc but he's suggested I put his car under my name so he can continue to drive it. He has about 12 points on his licence (speeding) and is at risk of losing his licence which he's going to court for to appeal.

I feel bad for him but what would you wise ladies do in this situation. A I being unreasonable to say no. I'm a single mum btw.

I haven't found anyone else who I like I just don't get this comment OP? Why do you want to find someone else? If you're a single mum, you already have a family and someone who needs your love and care. Concentrate on your child(ren).

If anything happened to my DH, the last thing I'd be doing is trying to find someone else who I like - they might ruin the lovely family that I already have. I wouldn't want to do anything to jeopardise the happiness of my children, they are my world.

Absolutely not. He's very irresponsible and I wouldn't want to be tried to that. He's irresponsible with money and he's irresponsible with his safety and the safety of others. He's also irresponsible because speeding and being Mr big bollcks on the road is more important that maintaining his lively hood.

He basically wants you to commit a fraud. He wants you to get insured in your name saying youre the main driver of the vehicle so he can get cheaper insurance. The premium will be shy high because of his driving record because he'll have to be named as a driver but not as high if he used his name alone. You'll be on the hook for the insurance for a year. He could lose his license anyway. He's so irresponsible it sounds like he'll loss it at some point anyway. Then he won't be able to get to work and you'll have to pay the bill.

Realistically, do you see a future with this guy? It's nice he wants to marry you but do you want to marry him? I would trust him at all.

The idea of private education is that you are comfortable enough that it doesn't leave you stretched with other bills. If you can't pay your rent or insurance then you can't afford private education. Tell him he needs to free up the thousands he's throwing at private education if he can't afford his rent or insurance. He's being unreasonable.

Why would you help is the better question.

He had overextended himself, this is his issue not yours. This will end up costing you money.

You have dumped him before and you can do it again.

You all all painfully right.

TBF, he didn't have all the points until recently when I first met him he only had 3. I've known him for a couple of years and it was never this bad he's paid for all his bills without issues (including bent) but it's just recently that shits hit the fan. He's always been honest that he's bad with money and I try to advise while not overstepping my boundaries.

What a mess.

Don't get involved.

I just noticed your username 🙈🙈🙈
Crossing boundaries indeed....

I don't understand why you see this guy as a catch?
And why would you want to put your own and your childrens financial stability at risk by marrying him?

My husband is on my car insurance (multi car policy thingy) but… we are married….he doesn’t have a poor credit rating… he doesn’t have any points…. It was purely cheaper as I had more no claims years (my hubbys parents fault not his but that’s a story for another day)
font do it op, your bf has made some poor choices and wants you to pick up the flack, you don’t know how this could affect You in the future

I think it's best you end things with him. He's paying rent on his exs place, he can go live there if finances are bad and he's desperate. It's not your problem so don't make it yours. He got himself into this mess, so dont feel its your responsibility to help him, it will only get worse if you help him.

This one is so bad!

He is demonstrably a shit driver - but you have to ask why it’s a bad idea to insure him illegally (fronting) and when he crashes you’ll be investigated for insurance fraud and will lose your no claims…

As for the situation with his wife and kids… wow

just toxic all round!

But now he's asking you to take responsibility for him being bad with money. That isn't right especially when he hasn't been honest about why he's in debt and isn't even discussing things with you but wants you to subsidise him. The private education is utterly ridiculous. He's spending thousands on that when he can't afford his own rent or insurance. Why is he paying his exes full rent anyway? Does she work? Does she claim benefits? Sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings but he's either an idiot or he thinks you might be one.

@CrossingBoundaries007 as a single mum, any money you give him means you have less for YOUR own dc. This man is a scrounger, a moocher and a hopeful cocklodger. All these financial problems he’s created and ‘shared’ with you are of his own making - please listen to all the good advice from every single pp. The only thing you should give him is a firm goodbye.

If you want to be really nice you could just give him the money to pay for his own insurance ( though why a single mother should be paying for some bloke's insurance at the expense of her own DC I don't know) but for the reasons everyone else have given, don't link his insurance to yours or to your address.
Can you afford to send your DD to private school?

I don't understand why people make excuses about being bad with money.

He is too lazy to take responsibility.

His problems are not your problems @CrossingBoundaries007 but he is trying to make them your problems.

Run.

Ive said you are being unreasonable because i believe you are being unreasonable to date him.

he makes bad decision after bad decision. All the consequences he is facing are a result of an entitled attitude.

i missed how long you have been dating this man?

She may also find herself blacklisted from getting insurance herself as it's fraudulent.

Are you just desperate to have a man in your life?

He sounds awful, self employed yet admits he's 'bad with money' .. that just sounds like he's trying to downplay the seriousness of it 'silly me, I've never been good with money' ... yet he can put his DC in private school ?

I can't see any 'good' points from your list ... and surely if you've been on Mumsnet long enough you know that single mothers are very attractive to divorced dads looking for a home, substitute mother for their DC and sex on tap ... and this one wants you to pay his car insurance as well!

Don't worry I'm off to update it to "creating boundaries" 🤧😭

Agreed with all of this. Don't financially tie yourself to this man and definitely don't mess about with your insurance.

Run . Immediately . This will get worse and he will prioritise ex and kids every time .

Why would you choose to be with someone who from the offset declares he's bad with money. There's better people out there.

Because he makes (bad) financial decisions without your input/ on his own but then expects you to bail him.
this is just the beginning of his asks
if you put the car on your name and he continues to drive recklessly it will be reflected on your premiums - why would you do that?
I see zero reasons for you to get involved in helping him. In fact, he’s a walking red flag, so RUN

He has somewhere along the line agreed to fund private education . He isn’t passive in this

Your dc isn’t in private education . Your priority isn’t in education . He can’t manage monthly payments on car insurance with 12 points . So now has car insurance in his name is going to be an absolute fortune if her even isn’t banned .

He can’t afford his basic bills - he can’t afford to date . He can’t afford a drink in the pub .

You haven’t budgeted badly . The fact he borrowed and paid it back has no bearing in that that is how it starts .. it gets to the well sorry can’t pay you back this time .

You absolutely deserve more . You might not have met anyone else yet but maybe you need to be single a while so you realise you are doing this alone - you don’t need someone else but someone who adds to your life is great.