Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

[CrossingBoundaries007]

Sorry for the log post. First for the backstory I have been dating this he's really nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy etc. He has expressed a desire to to marry me. He is divorced with 3 kids.

The issue is that when we met he told me about his bad credit. I wasn't really sure why but he had some debt, so hasn't been able to get a mortgage but he is self employed (contractor) earns comfortably so he's been trying to pay it off.

The issue now is recently he's found it hard to pay his bills. He works hard but the contacts have not been as consistent and many don't pay as well as before. He's just told me he can't pay his car insurance which was really high and he can't pay his rent and he pays the rent of his ex wife ) (in full) who the children live with and he has a child in a fee private school school fees is around 7k. He never discussed his choice to put his child in private school with me he just told me after the fact and that's a big part of my he has large outgoings. He's now finding it hard to pay that also.

The insurance company have cancelled his insurance for not paying and he really needs his car to drive to work which can be very far away sometimes.

i want to help him I suggested speaking to citizens advice etc but he's suggested I put his car under my name so he can continue to drive it. He has about 12 points on his licence (speeding) and is at risk of losing his licence which he's going to court for to appeal.

I feel bad for him but what would you wise ladies do in this situation. A I being unreasonable to say no. I'm a single mum btw.

I don’t think divorced with 3 kids is automatically a ‘hell no’. I’m dating someone in that position. (Not rushing in to progressing beyond dating any time soon).

This man will drag you down. You can’t really commend someone for being generous if they are in debt! Why on earth did he apply for private school for his DC when he clearly can’t afford it?! Why is he paying full rent for his ex when he can’t afford it? Sounds like in that respect he is being ridiculous.
I agree adding him to your insurance is not only fraudulent but a recipe for disaster for you. If you agree to this, it’s a slippery slope.
One of the biggest red flags is that you’ve broken up with him multiple times and yet he comes back and you take him back. Why is that? Does he come round to your house? Or call/text? It sounds like he had some pull over you. Logically you know he’s a walking red flag. I’d suggest doing the Freedom Programme online (it’s only about £15). Read up on love bombing and trauma bonding. Tell yourself being single outweighs a relationship with someone who drags you down! Dump him then block him everywhere and if he comes round, get a Ring doorbell so you can avoid answering the door to him. Money better spent than paying for his insurance!

Sounds like some trauma bonding you have.
Rather than loan him any more money, use it for therapy.

You may like him but that will come at a high price Op. He can't drive with no insurance, he'll make less money, can't pay the rent, moves in with you, can't pay his way. In a year you'll be back here saying his DC spend every other weekend with you, you're childcare, driver, paying for the kids days out and the bills
Say No Op, spare yourself all that aggro and money

This with bells on.

If they have a divorce settlement, the court will have left each of them with enough to live on. The reason he is skint is because HE is rubbish with money.

And anyway using your insurance to cover someone else, when they are primary driver is Insurance Fraud. Don't be drawn in.

Be strong OP. Don’t let him emotionally manipulate you to doing something that would negatively affect you and your child.

Because he is playing you for a fool.

12 points means he has already lost his licence, that is why he can't get insurance. He is trying to involve you in fraud. He also wants to fill up your licence.

If he has a mortgage then he will not be paying rent as well. I doubt he is paying his ex wife's rent.

RUN.

"He has about 12 points on his licence (speeding) and is at risk of losing his licence which he's going to court for to appeal. "

So, it's not just that he can't afford his insurance - he's also irresponsible.

To be honest, given the list of misdemeanours you've given, he sounds like trouble. You aren't going to be in for a good time with him, ultimately.

Don't get involved with his finances (and, preferably don't continue with the relationship).

His financial decisions don't make any sense. That's why people are telling you to run!

He's already got 12 penalty points for speeding. Do you think that he will suddenly slow down just because his car would be under your insurance? What if he had an accident, from speeding or something else while under your insurance - your expenses would increase significantly too.

He got the 12 points on his license, he can slow down and get them off his license by behaving better on the roads.

Don't insure him. There is a reason why the people who this is their business are backing away from him for this purpose. They can see he's a huge liability so are making insurance exorbitant as a result.

This exactly. What happened with the divorce? Ask him why he is divorced but pays his ex wife's full rent. This is really unusual, especially when she will qualify for state help with rent. No divorce court would have ordered him to do that so he's obviously choosing to even though she can get her rent paid by UC, although I'm not sure if she can claim benefits while her child is in private education? Is he still going to pay her full rent when she moves her new boyfriend in? What about the other 2 children? Is he going to put them in private education too or will they just slum it in state school? There's just too many questions with this man I don't think you'll get straight answers to.

No you shouldn't. He has heavy financial commitments which means he can't pay his other bills. That is absolutely not your problem. It isn't as if he has no money. He has got money which is all spoken for.

He chose to pay the rent as a way of helping and supporting the kids since that's where they live. I've always thought they should split it but I just kept my nose out of it and out of their drama as a whole cos there's loads of it despite all he does for the kids.

The way you support the kids is by paying maintenance and the ex claiming benefits. What about the school he can't afford, who chose that?

Never in a month of Sundays, he is getting deeper and deeper and would have consequences on your insurance history if he had an accident.

Could he pay the premium even if in your name? My guess it is a roundabout way of borrowing off you, again another risk to your credit rating..

Well he needs to keep his nose out of your financial business.
He's prioritising his children you should prioritise yours

Basically, he sounds like he has been dishonest with you from the start, and now wants you to commit fraud.

It would be interesting to hear his ex's side of the story. I'll bet she divorced him because he is so irresponsible.

I also bet that he has told you that she is psychotic.

As regards to lending money to risky people :- In my experience they will ask to borrow small sums and always pay you back.
Once they have your confidence they ask for a much larger loan. They won’t be intending to pay this back.
Be very careful.

He has his eyes on your financial security, he will up the game until you are subsidising him, his ex and child so he can continue to pay their rent and the school fees.
You are a mother, concentrate on your child and their welfare. No to the car insurance and no more loans. You read it on here all the time from women who are with men like this, they always pay the money back at first. Then they stop and ask for more and more.

Honestly, this a proper deal breaker and a perfect example of why he is struggling: He is useless at making financial decisions and he wants you to help, which is what couples do, but actually what he is asking you to support him, his ex wife and his DC to keep living above their means so he can continue to be as irresponsible as he is, which is fine if you are generous and do want to ruin your future credit checks and your finances by linking your finances to him by sharing a financial product.

One thing to note is that he is not struggling to pay just for the insurance, he is just disclosing this issue to you because he needs to get it sorted ASAP, but there would be hundreds of other issues you are not aware of. Believe me, if he cannot pay a car insurance he is already scrapping the barrel, he is not the wealthy man you think, he is just a man in a huge amount of debt spending more pretending not to be.

Personally, I would run a mile NOW as you will find it more difficult and costly to leave in the long run. If he cannot see how he is spending his money, he wouldn’t notice either how much you will be subsidising him: it may not be much but if he is spending a lot of time in your house, dropping by for dinner AND he is not contributing to your increased household expenses AND you often go “halves” OR offer to pay for some stuff as it is not a big deal… you are already spending hundreds of pounds a month on him.

Your man may be all the nice things you say he is, he might have a heart of gold that doesn’t allow him to stop spending money on things he can’t afford, but whatever the reasons, this is not going to change and will potentially reduce any opportunities you and any future children will have as you will spend most of your life plugging holes in his finances and getting not much out of it.

He is so financially enmeshed with his ex that he shouldn't be getting involved with other women full stop. You won't see it now but the reason people are telling you to run is because they can all see where this is going. He will either leave you or you will finish with him but either way you will be saddled with a financial mess.

Despite what he tells you he does for his kids.

You only hear one side of the story...

What everyone else said i.e. no

i’d help someone out (in a legal fashion that would not affect me otherwise) if they had genuinely had rotten luck and needed a few £ to get back on the feet
but this guy’s troubles are 100% of his own making
dont help him out and even more so don’t marry him!

I think you have already got the message but I will add my vote just in case... Do not do this. Do not lend him any more money. Do not let him move in.

He is living a life he can't afford. He is reckless with his driving. That means he shows no consideration for other road users.

He shows no consideration for you either by putting you in a position where you feel that you can't say no to him.

Prioritise your own child! Why should you fund his kid's private education? Such a bizarre concept.

I'd also be suspicious about whether he is really paying his ex's housing costs. Could well be a story to excuse why he is short of cash.