Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

[CrossingBoundaries007]

Sorry for the log post. First for the backstory I have been dating this he's really nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy etc. He has expressed a desire to to marry me. He is divorced with 3 kids.

The issue is that when we met he told me about his bad credit. I wasn't really sure why but he had some debt, so hasn't been able to get a mortgage but he is self employed (contractor) earns comfortably so he's been trying to pay it off.

The issue now is recently he's found it hard to pay his bills. He works hard but the contacts have not been as consistent and many don't pay as well as before. He's just told me he can't pay his car insurance which was really high and he can't pay his rent and he pays the rent of his ex wife ) (in full) who the children live with and he has a child in a fee private school school fees is around 7k. He never discussed his choice to put his child in private school with me he just told me after the fact and that's a big part of my he has large outgoings. He's now finding it hard to pay that also.

The insurance company have cancelled his insurance for not paying and he really needs his car to drive to work which can be very far away sometimes.

i want to help him I suggested speaking to citizens advice etc but he's suggested I put his car under my name so he can continue to drive it. He has about 12 points on his licence (speeding) and is at risk of losing his licence which he's going to court for to appeal.

I feel bad for him but what would you wise ladies do in this situation. A I being unreasonable to say no. I'm a single mum btw.

Please don't fund this man any more. He's a cocklodger waiting to happen. You're making excuse after excuse for him... of course he's going to be nice to you; he wants your money and somewhere to live, and by the looks of it he's happy to drag you down with him into debt.

He isn't going to 'see how well you manage your money and learn from it' he's going to see access to your savings.

As they say on MN... the hills are that way 👉👉👉👉

In th UK - We get 3 points minimum for each offence e.g 3 for speeding, 3 for each bald tyre etc.

He's using you op.

A decent man would not ask you to do this. He's asking you to do something illegal that will increase your insurance premiums to "help him out" If he really cared about you it wouldn't even cross his mind.

Men who borrow money from single mums make me ill. I don't care if he pays it back. Are you very well off yourself? How long have you beem together?

This man is a financial red flag. If you value you and your childs future don"t tie yourself to him in ANY way.

Thank you for your kind words! And thanks to all of your for your reality check!

I also read divorced with 3 kids and thought hell no.

You would be absolutely stupid to do this knowing full well his financial struggle and bad debts. You cannot be that foolish??

Well 12 points is an automatic ban so he shouldn't be driving and I'm not sure why he should have discussed putting his child in public school with you as it's nothing to do with you

If you tie yourself financially with this man, he will drag you down with him and marrying him would be insane

You know that the school fees are most probably going to rocket up after the election by 20 per cent?

I don’t know how old his child is but have a quick google of the fees and work out how much he intends to spend on that. It will be in the 10x of thousands. That’s money he can spend because you will be propping him up. You will, in effect, be paying for his child’s private education. But not your own.

i would not be surprised if the child will have to leave. So, where would they get the best school place? Do you live in a good catchment area? I can see the emotional request now; ‘Can I register the child as living with you? So we’ll have to move in for. A bit…”

As all the PP have said …RUN!

This just about sums it up.

The small requests for financial assistance will soon turn into bigger ones and before long your credit rating will be as bad as his as he invariably defaults on various credit agreements. Personally I would hide all your bank statements and existing cards while you plot an exit strategy.

Far better to be alone than with someone who is going to drag into stressful financial chaos. Don’t feel like you need to be with anyone for the sake of being in a relationship! You will be all the readier when the right person appears for knowing you don’t need to be with a partner to be happy.

This guy sounds like a walking red flag. And 7k for a private school doesn’t add up either annually or monthly. Is he being truthful with you?

12 points on his licence.
Mountains of debt.
So many red flags, trust your instinct.
If you saddle yourself with someone else's debt it will hang around you forever.
Look after yourself and yours OP.

Completely agree with everything written previously. Just to add that unless it’s a very unique or niche private school the fees will be £7 a TERM (and about to go up by 20% but that’s another 1000 threads). My DC is a day student at an ordinary London private school and the fees are £26,000 a year.

If he can’t afford to insure his car he needs to be in contact with the council about an in year transfer to a state school asap or talk to the bursar at the private school to see if any bursaries available. But bursars tend to look unfavourably on people who are just plain bad with money.

Excellent point there @FourLastSongs If he struggles with the fees now he will be fucked after the election.

I wouldn’t share a car insurance policy with anyone again. I shared with a family member in the past who had a crash, and it was as though I’d had it too - my premiums skyrocketed.

No way would I be voluntarily sharing with someone who has already proven themselves to be an irresponsible driver with 12 points on their license, plus who can’t afford it. It’s too big of a risk for you and DC to be enmeshed with that. A decent person wouldn’t even ask you!

7k per term probably 5k base but there are lots of other additional costs with private schools not to mention school trips etc.

He's a dangerous driver - if he already has 12 points I'm surprised he still has his licence. I'm not sure how honest he is being here.

He can't manage his money.

He wants you to commit insurance fraud - another example of his dishonesty.

He is love bombing you because he sees you as an easy fix to solve his financial issues.

Run, run as fast as you can.

Why should you is the question.
It depresses me that so many women fall for this shit from supposedly "really good men". He isn't good when he is clearly living beyond his means and has 12 point on this licence as well.

Steer well clear of anything like this and his debt which no doubt will be the next request.

This sums it up perfectly.

He's a disaster area

If you insure the car in your name you have to declare him as the main driver. If you don’t he will not be covered. The insurance company is likely to reject the application or it will cost you a fortune. @

Run OP, he's not the one!

To add to all the other reasons he's a dick, I can't believe he put an application into private school for his kid without discussing with the mum first. He has ideas above his station.

Throw him back and stick to your guns

This is absolutely crazy.
He has put his kids in private school which most people wouldn't think of doing. Fees go up as you go up in the school so what is 7K now will be double that by the time they get to 6th form.
How long have you been seeing this man?

Please do not lend any more money to this man (even if he is paying it back). Do not put him on your car insurance. He’s bad with money and hasn’t learned. There are many ways he can sort himself out (no private school for one).

Think only of your child and their future.

You are worth more. So what if he helps you in the home and is faithful, this is the BARE MINIMUM and does not mean he’s a good man.

Somehow he’s manipulating your good nature, by extension he’s manipulating the future of your child.

I would run a mile and concentrate on my children. The right man will come along - but probably when you’ve worked on your boundaries & self esteem. I didn’t find a good bloke until I had done those things.

With weak boundaries & self esteem you will continue to attract bad relationship choices.

As others have said, every penny you give him is taking away from your children.
Do they go to private school?

Nope.

Child first. Waste of space loser boyfriend second. (Or not at all).

This is going to end very badly for you OP.

Save yourself a whole load of expense, heartache and self-recrimination and end this now. Your older self will thank you for it. ♥️