Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

[CrossingBoundaries007]

Sorry for the log post. First for the backstory I have been dating this he's really nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy etc. He has expressed a desire to to marry me. He is divorced with 3 kids.

The issue is that when we met he told me about his bad credit. I wasn't really sure why but he had some debt, so hasn't been able to get a mortgage but he is self employed (contractor) earns comfortably so he's been trying to pay it off.

The issue now is recently he's found it hard to pay his bills. He works hard but the contacts have not been as consistent and many don't pay as well as before. He's just told me he can't pay his car insurance which was really high and he can't pay his rent and he pays the rent of his ex wife ) (in full) who the children live with and he has a child in a fee private school school fees is around 7k. He never discussed his choice to put his child in private school with me he just told me after the fact and that's a big part of my he has large outgoings. He's now finding it hard to pay that also.

The insurance company have cancelled his insurance for not paying and he really needs his car to drive to work which can be very far away sometimes.

i want to help him I suggested speaking to citizens advice etc but he's suggested I put his car under my name so he can continue to drive it. He has about 12 points on his licence (speeding) and is at risk of losing his licence which he's going to court for to appeal.

I feel bad for him but what would you wise ladies do in this situation. A I being unreasonable to say no. I'm a single mum btw.

Ask him to do spreadsheet of his outgoing and income. Including his debt.

Then ask him to find his own way out of the debt.

When he looses his licence, which he will, he'll be uninsurable. So how will he then pay all his outgoings.

He needs to grow up. He doesn't need you to save him. He just wants you to.

Because you and your children are your priorities.

Because you shouldn't be subsidising a man who earns more than you, makes bad choices then asks for financial help.

Finally, I don't believe much of what he's told you. That will be a spin on reality.

😂😂😂 Gosh mumsnetters can be cruel but kind!

And no, my child is not in private school. He told me way after he had started a s since he didn't ask my opinion I kept my mouth shut cos it's none if my business. He had some debt at the time but as a grown adult I just thought he had sussed it all out but I had my doubts all along.

He needs a push bike. A second hand decathlon for £70. He'll have to cycle to work.

Me and my partner share a car, he has no points on his liscence but went on a died awareness course 4 years ago and we are still paying outrageous amounts for our car insurance. It's a granny car worth 5k and our insurance is literally 300 more as a result. Also as other pp have said you'll lose your no claims. And just to say I relentlessly heckle my partner for speeding that time and he learnt a lot on the speed awareness course and has been very careful (aka unbearably slow) ever since. 12 points is quite extreme repeat offending. I wouldn't want to get in a car with him.

It doesn't add up that his contracts have paid less... As a contractor you have control over your fees. He must be invoicing for less which I find hard to believe as the cost of wages/labour has gone up loads in the last 2 years. Unless he's failed to deliver so is only receiving partial payment? What's his area of work? If it's in decline then maybe he needs to get a part time job to top it up

Re-read your posts!
There are more red flags than at a meeting of dictators at the Kremlin
He makes financial decisions that affect you without you
He has 12 points on his licence, knowing he needs it for his job.....
Please take off those rose-tinted glasses, smell the coffe, gird your loins and say no!!

This ! Don't do it OP as then you'll be blacklisted for insurance too

Just because you like someone it doesn’t mean they improve your life.

Sometimes it’s better to be single than to be tethered to a giant rock on a sinking ship. Cut the rope before he drags you and your child down with him.

Op just tell him that as a single mother you don’t want the burden and responsibility of enmeshing your finances and insurances together. Say that as he has a bad track record, you’d be happier keeping everything separate and as he’s the one who has made the irresponsible choices, it’s unreasonable to keep asking you to bail him out.

You will also end up paying his premiums when he can’t to save your credit.

Then he’ll move in and you’ll let him, cos I’m for a penny…

Next you’ll be paying all the bills so he can cover all his expenses for his children.

Don't even entrap yourself in this mess.

Nice, affectionate men do not plunder the resources of single parents and their children.

Seems like he needs to sit down and work out how his income is going to support his lifestyle.
See how the word YOU is not in that sentence? He is an adult. He needs to earn more or spend less. His choice

He isn’t in a position to date you OP.
He isn’t in any position to be a boyfriend to anybody.
He can’t afford the life he already has, let alone take on another relationship - another family. He is very cheeky and presumptuous to suggest you should take on his car insurance.

He has 3 children to look after and, to be able to provide for them, he has to look after himself and make sure he can ALWAYS work. But he has already failed in that. He’s looking for somebody else to dump his problems on and pick up his pieces.
This is the thin end of the wedge for you.

In reality, you can never be his priority. He can’t even offer you the crumbs from his table because there aren’t any, but if there were, they would be for his own 3 children.
He expects you to spoil your own hard earned status in life and your success to enhance his.

He thinks that if he loves you up enough and promises you a future, you will be daft enough to happily suffer the long term consequences of his debts and careless life-style. In the end, when you are worn down by him, he wouldn’t respect you for doing that so you would suffer the consequences of his lack of respect too.

He expects you to limit what you can give to your own DC to support his 3 DC.
He is looking for an extra income stream. And a welcoming bed in a nice home that doesn’t cost him anything except a few empty promises.

Of course ‘he’s nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy.’ He’s sussed out very quickly what you can offer him, he’s even bold enough to ask for and expect some it, but what exactly is it that you think he has to offer you and your dc. ?
Just because he’s ’nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy’ doesn’t mean that you owe him any favours like jeopardising your own credit score and car insurance.

Tell him you like him so you really hope he is able to work hard to clear his debts and get his finances in order. And when he’s done that and is able to offer something, he is welcome to come back to you to see if you are still interested.

so it’s none of your business but he basically wants you to contribute to keeping his child at private school?

Also what would his plan have been to manage this situation if he didn’t have someone he could con into paying for him? If he was single?

Come on OP, don't be an idiot.

Life is too short to waste it with someone as useless as this.

Because this is as old as time, mind you the 12 points may help a little to understand why and because of the usual endless reasons and at the end 'why am I so gulliable' and hopefully you and your child/ren wont repeat the cycle

Please dont join the millions of others who close their and eyes and go all 'but I am in love'

This was going to be my reply too. If he can't afford all this something has to give. You dont need to be funding his car so he can fund his ex wife.

He’s chosen to put his child in private school but can’t even pay insurance on a car that he needs to work (to make money for the private schoo)??
How can you have respect for someone so stupid?
Why on earth would you lend money to someone who has their child in private school.
Make it make sense

If he's big enough to get into this situation, he's big enough to take steps to get out of it. 12 points on a driving licence - he's a liability.
Child in private school - take them out. Labour are reported as adding the VAT to fees in a budget inside 10 weeks and schools here are already working on fee change contingencies for the next instalment.

Because he’s a grown arsed man with no financial sense and a shit driver.

only one winner if you go ahead.

its not you.

Oh gosh, OP, run a mile. There are way too many red flags here.

If you marry him then you become legally responsible for his debt if he runs away. So of course he wants to marry you, wake up and ditch him.

Why do women fall for this trick every single time?

Aside from all the good points made by others, genuinely why would you see the carrot of marriage as a positive? I literally got a second hand stomach churn at the very thought of being legally financially enmeshed to that man.

Aside from the financial flags, it concerns me greatly that you belive his Good Guy story of paying all the exs bills and private school for his kids when he hasn't got two pennies to rub together. It's all a con man show. Of course he has to be nice to you, how else will he access your financial support?

The fact you even need to ask tells me you need to work on your boundaries.

How does he even know you have the money to pay his insurance? You shouldn’t be sharing details of your finances with someone as shady and irresponsible as this.

If you do have the money to spare, it would be much better invested in savings for your child, or put towards something you and your child can enjoy.

Why are you considering subsidising his school fees and his ex living for free? Is that the best use of your money?

Aside from the legalities of this which is a huge waving red flag in itself

The issue is that when we met he told me about his bad credit. I wasn't really sure why but he had some debt

Take your pick

• becauseyou end up paying the insurance and it causes YOU credit issues as you struggle to pay
• because this kind of ask is step 1 of cocklodging 101
• because its vagina shrivelling that a grown able bodied man cannot supoirt himself
• because you have no idea how he accrued the debt (drugs, profligate spending)
• because its a bad idea to bail people out as they never learn to change their behaviour / solve their own issues.
• because via this you may give him enough info to start taking debt out in your name too

I could go on... and on.

I agree wholeheartedly with @ZekeZeke and @EatTheGnome get therapy and raise the bar. This guy sounds like a loser.