Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

[CrossingBoundaries007]

Sorry for the log post. First for the backstory I have been dating this he's really nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy etc. He has expressed a desire to to marry me. He is divorced with 3 kids.

The issue is that when we met he told me about his bad credit. I wasn't really sure why but he had some debt, so hasn't been able to get a mortgage but he is self employed (contractor) earns comfortably so he's been trying to pay it off.

The issue now is recently he's found it hard to pay his bills. He works hard but the contacts have not been as consistent and many don't pay as well as before. He's just told me he can't pay his car insurance which was really high and he can't pay his rent and he pays the rent of his ex wife ) (in full) who the children live with and he has a child in a fee private school school fees is around 7k. He never discussed his choice to put his child in private school with me he just told me after the fact and that's a big part of my he has large outgoings. He's now finding it hard to pay that also.

The insurance company have cancelled his insurance for not paying and he really needs his car to drive to work which can be very far away sometimes.

i want to help him I suggested speaking to citizens advice etc but he's suggested I put his car under my name so he can continue to drive it. He has about 12 points on his licence (speeding) and is at risk of losing his licence which he's going to court for to appeal.

I feel bad for him but what would you wise ladies do in this situation. A I being unreasonable to say no. I'm a single mum btw.

Run and run fast! You have a child to consider and every penny you give away is money you could spend on yours and your child’s life style.
find someone with the same values who will support you equally not someone who is only going to bring you down eventually.

Yes boyfriend, he was never really elevated to partner status even after he proposed.

Come to think of it, I never referred to him as my fiancé I stopped wearing the ring the day one of his kids was rude to me and he didn't intervene, it actually took the older child to caution the younger child about what they said 🙄 but I digress.

He needs to discuss paying less to his ex

I bet he’s got a cash in hand job too…

No, not a cash in hand job at all, very highly skilled tbh.

From another bucket, but to me it's just weird for an adult man to be a "boyfriend", especially such a flakey one.
You are worth more, OP!

No
Why does he pay his ex' rent?

Well sometimes if you don’t live with your DP but call him that people jump down your throat to say he’s not a DP and just a boyfriend. You can’t win.

I dont disagree with what alot of the other people are saying. However, I have worked in car insurance for many many years and I hope the following helps.

1. generally an insurer will want the policy holder to be the owner of the car, the person with the insurable interest. Currently that is not you so he may have to put the car in your name.
2. some providers may not have an issue with the above and if so there's generally not a huge risk. Claims/accidents always follow the driver. Not the owner, not the policy holder, only the person who was driving.
3. you must make sure you trust him enough. If he crashes it and runs, you'd have to prove he was driving not you. If he has enough points to be banned by totting up I'm guessing he's not the most cautious of drivers.

Hope that helps.

So many red flags it's terrifying.
What was it they said on Mumsnet about nobody falls in love faster than a man with nowhere to stay? Details are different but sentiment very much the same here. Wow. Divorced with 3 kids. He sees free childcare and 👛👛👛💰💲with you. No wonder he's mr lovely at the moment. Don't make ANY commitment to him ... He will take your life to the cleaners.
If he loves you he will sort his finances out with his ex wife, get rid of his debt and not make requests about how you can help him save money on his insurance. Run for the hills OP.

No don't help him, he's an idiot, he keeps speeding not you, if he loses his license it's his own fault, he needs to face the consequences
Also I would say move on, he's got bad credit yet earns lots of money and he can't get a mortgage, he earns lots of money and has to borrow some from you.
He is a liability and it will become like having an adult child.
Move on to someone on the same page with less drama

So many red flags.
He really does have “big man” syndrome - living above his means because he wants to look like a big man to his women.
I suspect he didn’t want his Ex to work, liked the idea of being the bread winner , spending above his means so he looks successful.
His reluctance to change or admit his financial issues is a pattern he won’t change.
OP look after your own as this man will not make you happy. He manipulates

Don’t do it👏🏼don’t do it👏🏼don’t do it👏🏼 just run for the hills and don’t look back let him sort it out himself it’s his problem not yours.

Erm absolute no from me, he needs to sort his own shit and behave like an adult

There's a play book for threatening suicide too.
He'll no doubt ring middle of the night with a tale of woe and urgency. Advise him to ring 999 and turn your phone off.
Harsh maybe but he's a twat.

Op you've stopped wearing your ring. Listen to yourself. Somewhere in side you you know thus relationship has no future.

End it. Return the ring, let him sell it, break of the engagement.

No.

Irrespective of the fact that you don't own the vehicle to start with, this guy has money. He's just choosing to cover other things. Ignore the marriage plans/sob story pushers, I wouldn't want poor credit, poor money mgmt, poor driving connected to me at all. And neither should you.

I say this gently as well: 12 points is a ban unless there are exceptional hardship grounds. Losing your job generally would not meet this criteria. Ask him what he said in court and see if that helps you sober up from this love binge.

Even better, ring 999 for him. Don't even ask him. Let someone who is qualified deal with his fake suicide threats.

"Show me your friends and I'll show you your future".

I've fallen into the 'carer' 'I can help them' role before in romantic relationships. It never turned out well for me. It's not only the financial implications of being formally responsible and entangled on things like credit reports - but it's the waste of time on the wrong person and the lost opportunity for someone who actually is responsible and able to meet you where you are in life (i.e. someone who does not treat you like leverage for their own gain and has the headspace to talk interesting life stuff that isn't about digging them out of a hole)

You're in control.

Just leave, OP. I really can’t understand why you haven’t.

His fake suicide bullshit is straight out of the abuser’s handbook.

have you posted about this before? I’m sure I’ve read a post pretty much exactly the same where the bf asked the gf to subsidise the private school fees as he was struggling.

Op, do you realise you are as bad as each other? Malicious intent or not both families are paying for the damage. He could provide better for his children by managing his money like a grown up. You should be supporting your child by not using your money in cocklodgers.

He is not putting his children first and neither are you. You don’t need to work in your blooming boundaries or phasing such shit show of relationship out. You just need to put your child first and stop seeing this wanker. End of.

On threads like this I get the impression the OP likes the drama and attention. The faux naivety and tweeness in her replies while ignoring the elephant in the room that her relationship is dysfunctional and possibly abusive. Most people would have run for the hills already.

You shouldn’t have to, but if you were feeling charitable you could him the ring back so he could sell it to pay some debts.

i didn’t understand the thing about having to pay £2k a month. Is that a savings scheme

Please say "no, sorry".