Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

[CrossingBoundaries007]

Sorry for the log post. First for the backstory I have been dating this he's really nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy etc. He has expressed a desire to to marry me. He is divorced with 3 kids.

The issue is that when we met he told me about his bad credit. I wasn't really sure why but he had some debt, so hasn't been able to get a mortgage but he is self employed (contractor) earns comfortably so he's been trying to pay it off.

The issue now is recently he's found it hard to pay his bills. He works hard but the contacts have not been as consistent and many don't pay as well as before. He's just told me he can't pay his car insurance which was really high and he can't pay his rent and he pays the rent of his ex wife ) (in full) who the children live with and he has a child in a fee private school school fees is around 7k. He never discussed his choice to put his child in private school with me he just told me after the fact and that's a big part of my he has large outgoings. He's now finding it hard to pay that also.

The insurance company have cancelled his insurance for not paying and he really needs his car to drive to work which can be very far away sometimes.

i want to help him I suggested speaking to citizens advice etc but he's suggested I put his car under my name so he can continue to drive it. He has about 12 points on his licence (speeding) and is at risk of losing his licence which he's going to court for to appeal.

I feel bad for him but what would you wise ladies do in this situation. A I being unreasonable to say no. I'm a single mum btw.

Thank you ❤️

Surely the outrageous thing is the school fees that he should have thought about before committing.(even if he hasn’t paid for 2 months). He sounds ridiculously extravagant and reckless. Then making outrageous requests to you to try and bail him out of a situation of his own making! Stay strong, OP, and don’t give in to his nonsense! Though I think you’ve already got the measure of him. The car insurance thing is ridiculous and could land you in a heap of trouble!

Blimey don't use that as the excuse not to insure him he'll see it as an open invite to move in!!

And no excuse is necessary re the insurance, it is simply not possible, legally, without lying when applying, end of.

Honestly, I want to take men like this and give them a thorough dressing down. They are such predictable arseholes - and pathetic specimens. Imagine going through life like they do- thinking their crap is okay. How embarassing for them.

But it does not have to be the OP's problem. Dump and flush.

I’m not the best with finances, but have gotten much better with age. My ex was a bit like this. Bad with $. Always putting things off so always ending up paying late fees/fines. Prioritizing the wrong things so always in a bind and he made over 100k a year.

so now he meets women moves them in so they can pay for the lifestyle he wants and he STILL has financial issues. I’m glad I was smart enough not to move in with him. It’s so unattractive.

What's this?

"....Hes in a monthly contribution scheme which he puts 2k in money but he's not due to collect his until later on in the year apparently he can't stop this..."

£2k a month for what and why can't he stop it?

He’s basically taking money from your DC and giving it to his “real family”

Cop onto yourself OP. Just dump and block.

He knows what he should be doing but he'd rather emotionally abuse you.
The talk of suicide is his way of keeping you in check.
Send the police around for a wellness check.

OP I know it sounds ideal to be passive so that he will go away but, from experience, this does not work - the unwanted are remarkably sticky because being passive tells them you want to avoid being told you are mean or unreasonable at all costs, never mind veiled suicide threats.

You need to end it in a way that can't be argued with - I am not feeling it any more, I don't fancy you, it's not you, it's me, I'm not having fun anymore, I don't like spending time with you anymore, we have outgrown each other - at least I have outgrown you, I want to focus on other things and I no longer have time for you, I'd like to remain friends (lie) but I don't see you as any more any longer. Sorry it didn't work out. I wish you well. Goodbye.

I want to know how he thinks he’ll manage school fees when Labour slaps on an extra 20%. Sorry, OP, he is using you to live beyond his means, and you need to get out. Imagine you had a daughter telling you all this - what would you say to her? And I don’t think you’d be telling her to pull away gradually, either: this is a band aid that needs pulling right off, the sooner the better.

NRTFT

Read back your posts as if a friend has sent them to you, asking for your advice

This man is a walking red flag, money pit and all-round shitshow

Run, don't walk

Suicide threats are classic manipulation tactics when someone tries to break off a toxic relationship. I had a very controlling ex ( I was 18!) and when I broke it off, he suddenly started making suicide threats. After some more weeks of harassment, saying how he can't live without me etc, (peppered with a few threats at me!) I had enough and told him to go ahead and do it. He went quiet. I hung up. Guess what, he was fine. He left me alone once he realised there was absolutely nothing left to say to hold on to me.

OP it’s sad but true private schools DO kick students out for non payment of fees even if they are great students - if they don’t otherwise qualify for a bursary or scholarship. Please don’t assume that this won’t happen (albeit it’s not your child and not your responsibility).

That man is a walking talking red flag 🚩 Run don’t walk away.

I have a relative who has had four boyfriends with almost identical back stories so I felt a little sick when I read this because they all turned out to be monsters.

Red flags flapping in the wind here.

Do not start taking financial responsibility. This is an MO, and it doesn't end well.

Please be discerning and protect yourself.

He told me I wasn't being helpful and me asking all these questions was not helpful and I was unkind.

He talked about the late footballer Jlloyd Samuel ( we watched the documentary together) how this is the cause of the high rate of suicide in men. How I was being unkind to him.

Oh dear gawd OP 😱

Like one of the previous posters said, he's not intentionally malicious but has a whole lot of growing up to do.
And what about the majority of the posters who are calling him mentally and emotionally abusive, manipulative and controlling? You are believing one versus 20(?). Why is that?

And more to the point why are you still with him? Thinking you are oh so strong because you are saying no isn't about you having good boundaries - because if you had decent ones you would no longer be together. Your thinking is still twisted and off centre. Run instead of trying to talk, to explain, just run and find your sanity.

Because his credit rating is going down the plug hole and he’ll do the same to yours.

Move on, he is going to be trouble.

I know he is controlling and the vast majority of posters have been spot-on with everything else but I just wanted to acknowledge the fact that I know the whole person.

I'm working on my boundaries, I know I need to, and my sanity too because this is just not me. I think over time I just gave up and gave in to too much BS and became desensitised but the insurance request made me reevaluate so many things.

I'm happy I woke up early yesterday morning and created this thread...You can't all be wrong.

😔

He's a loser! Get out while you can!

He's going to kill himself if you don't give him money? What a liar!

Let him go, block him, ignore him, stay away from him for good. I wouldn't give the real reason for your break up. It's not meant to be or you want to take a break are good enough for this lazy weirdo.

Don’t do it.
Major red flags.
you do and you will end up with a credit rating issue also.

No - he is an adult it is up to him to manage his finances responsibly.

"Boyfriend" like this?
Why?
😳😂