Boyfriend wants me to put his car under my car insurance

[CrossingBoundaries007]

Sorry for the log post. First for the backstory I have been dating this he's really nice, kind, affectionate, not stingy etc. He has expressed a desire to to marry me. He is divorced with 3 kids.

The issue is that when we met he told me about his bad credit. I wasn't really sure why but he had some debt, so hasn't been able to get a mortgage but he is self employed (contractor) earns comfortably so he's been trying to pay it off.

The issue now is recently he's found it hard to pay his bills. He works hard but the contacts have not been as consistent and many don't pay as well as before. He's just told me he can't pay his car insurance which was really high and he can't pay his rent and he pays the rent of his ex wife ) (in full) who the children live with and he has a child in a fee private school school fees is around 7k. He never discussed his choice to put his child in private school with me he just told me after the fact and that's a big part of my he has large outgoings. He's now finding it hard to pay that also.

The insurance company have cancelled his insurance for not paying and he really needs his car to drive to work which can be very far away sometimes.

i want to help him I suggested speaking to citizens advice etc but he's suggested I put his car under my name so he can continue to drive it. He has about 12 points on his licence (speeding) and is at risk of losing his licence which he's going to court for to appeal.

I feel bad for him but what would you wise ladies do in this situation. A I being unreasonable to say no. I'm a single mum btw.

So, now that you've had so much good advice, and you say that it has only confirmed what you already felt, are you still going to continue seeing this sponger OP? Personally, I really hope that what people have told you, and what you've said about having to chase him for money that you had leant him previously, and his response to you telling him to go to CAB, you have now decided to dump this waste of space, and devote your time to enjoying your child while they are young. There are so many better blokes out there than this one!

OP, you are just another naive kind woman sucked into the mess of a loser and his ex.
He wants to marry you?
I bet he does!🙄
I really hope you fully wake up and see that you are nothing but a complete mug to him to be used.
God help your poor child if you don't!

I'm too trusting and always want to see the best in people and I'd be a soft touch with some of this...

But fuck no!! You can do better than this carcrash of a man surely? Trust me, your life will be so much better without all this faff in it. Don't go in for this, and better still just get shut!!

Don't you see that he's turning it round so it's YOU who's the issue? Not him. Not his debt. But you. He's manipulating the language around the situation so its YOU who's at fault. He's an arse.

"If you really want to offer practical help, you should add my car to your insurance rather than telling me to contact CAB or any other agency that can't do anything"

WTF!!! What a charmer. Please bin him Op.

Exactly this!

You were trying to be helpful, thinking of places who would give advice on how to start reducing his debt and managing his money... but he's not interested in that. He's looking for the easy way out and basically saying "if you want to help me bring cash Stupid"

Not only that, the patronising way he said it too.

If you do nothing else, dont make helpful suggestions to him ever again, if your kind advice is received like that. How rude.

You took the words out of my mouth, @AlistairAppletonssexyscarf—
@CrossingBoundaries007 you don’t need to be with somebody just because you think you need to be with somebody.
There’s no better feeling than standing on your own two feet, as a woman, individually, strong and independent.
Being with someone - just any ‘ol person - so you don’t have to be alone - is selling yourself far too short.
”You is kind. You is Smart. You is Important.”
(—The Help)

Are his eyes brown by any chance?
HE'S Full of Shit.

"...devote your time to enjoying your child while they are young. "

Yes of course! I kicked that of with a fun movie night with said child.

Needless to say, I've heard everyone loud and clear and most of all, my conscience is at peace knowing that I am not unreasonable to refuse the request, if anything I should be upset he even asked despite the fact that he knows what the consequences would be for me and my child.

In all, I've learnt to trust my instincts and the value of seeking out good, sensible advice, even if it's from faceless strangers on the internet with odd usernames 😀 Tbh when I opened the thread I thought hardly anyone would respond.

Yeah, but are you going to dump this useless twat?

If you stay with him, you will need very clear boundaries. Don't link finances with him and learn to say no all the time.

Don't do it & run

Don't do it. Been there, ex made my insurance more expensive because of a (small) accident he had on joint insurance.

Update: This is more of a rant. So he went quiet on me and then this morning called and asked me what my plans were and that he is at work doing and he just wanted to ask me not to leave him.

he went on to say that I'm the closest person to him etc and he has spoken to 4 of his friends but none of them are able to help.

He said the debt is not an issue is it's cred cards that he's paying off but he's two months late on school fees ( around 3k)

I asked if he spoke to his ex to help out and he said I'm just adding to his anxiety cos he knows she doesn't have it. He talked about the late footballer Jlloyd Samuel ( we watched the documentary together) how this is the cause of the high rate of suicide in men. How I was being unkind to him.

I went on to ask if he had even approached CAB. His answer was no. He said they won't help him cos his minimum income is 5k I asked if he had explored any "breathing space" initiatives again the answer is no.

Interestingly when I asked about if he was still paying her full house rent he said he was paying half (£400)

Hes in a monthly contribution scheme which he puts 2k in money but he's not due to collect his until later on in the year apparently he can't stop this.

He told me I wasn't being helpful and me asking all these questions was not helpful and I was unkind. He said he would never ask me to go and ask my ex for help (even though he has) when my child's laptop broke , thankfully I did ask and a new one was sent to the house shortly afterwards.

He referred to about the expensive holidays we went on together. That pissed me off cos I always discourage this but he insists and offers to pay most of it but I always always contribute either with a few nights at the hotel meals etc... I never leave it all to him even when I broke up with him and he begged me to go to America with him I paid the first 3 nights hotel accommodation.

It just feels like what most of you alluded to, he doesn't want to face facts and wants to emotionally blackmail me in the process while only giving me half of the story.

like My resolve is strong though... Like one of the previous posters said, he's not intentionally malicious but has a whole lot of growing up to do.

Mate.

Are you not going to dump him?

He is taking the piss out of you and you don’t even seem aware of it, let alone care about it.

He's answered no to all of your suggestions of ways to help himself.

I think the only question he wants to hear from you is "would you like me to pay off all your debts and contribute to your DC school fees"

That's probably the question that will give you a yes answer.

So predictably, what was supposed to be a "please don't leave me" call was actually an opportunity to trot out all the demands again

No surprise there, but it defeats me why you're still engagin g with this loser in any way

So he CAN'T afford the school fees then. Maybe not intentionally malicious no, but certainly intentionally manipulative and abusive. I mean seriously trying to guilt trip you about men committing suicide just because he can't squeeze money out of you? That's low. He's despicable. And you say you couldn't find anyone else you liked? Raise your standards for goodness sake. Please god tell me you are cutting ties and never having anything to do with this man ever again!

@CrossingBoundaries007 what he's saying is if you don't pay he might kill himself and your being ever so unkind even questioning him or making suggestions. He is trying to manipulate you to pay with threats of suicide.

You aren't responsible for his irresponsible decision making financial, driving or otherwise. You also aren't responsible for his mental health. If he's suicidal because of his stress or situations he needs to seek help for that.

You need to end the relationship. He's a manipulative prick.

He IS deliberately trying to manipulate you op, calling you unkind ( because you won't give in and take out a loan or give he money ) and talking about suicide.

He is a horrible POS, stop giving him allowences, excuses like he doesn't know what he is doing, he knows full well.

You've been saying no and now he is desperate so he is bringing up any and everytime he may have spent money on you, like you said you didn't ask for this.

He is not your problem op, tell him to lose your number and block him.

I'm so angry for you, are you not angry?

Ew what a manipulative weasel, appealing to your kind nature!! It’s text book manipulation!!

”I asked if he spoke to his ex to help out and he said I'm just adding to his anxiety cos he knows she doesn't have it. He talked about the late footballer Jlloyd Samuel ( we watched the documentary together) how this is the cause of the high rate of suicide in men. How I was being unkind to him.”

This ⬆️ is absolutely disgusting. How dare he!! Yeh do as I say- give me money- and don’t question it because you’ll cause me anxiety and you are being unkind!!”

This one is a bad egg OP.

So he's playing the suicide card now. What a manipulative turd he is. Bin him off.

You can't trust this man op, he is sinking low enough to threaten/blame you for his potential suicide ( lies ) to get money from you.

My brother did this 4yrs ago to me and I've not spoken or seen him since, I refuse to be manipulated like that, no thank you and fuck off.

Don't you find it telling that four of his friends have also decided to not help him? You are only the closest person because you've given into him previously, everyone has got the cut of his gib, wise up to it as well please.

He’s manipulating you. PLEASE break up with him, you and you child deserve a lot more than this.

If you insure his car with him as a named driver your premiums will skyrocket with all those points on his licence. Not to mention you'll have to disclose that his insurance was cancelled, and that he is the registered keeper. It's debatable whether they will insure in this way and it could / will have a knock-on effect for your own insurance.
I'd be thinking very hard about whether he's a good choice for you and your child to hitch your wagon to.