To have said getting a 19 year old a brand new expensive car is ludicrous

[Liolio]

DP has a 19 year old DD, she has just finished her first year of uni at St Andrews. She is quite spoilt but we don't live together/I don't parent her, my kids are younger so I'm not experienced.
Money isn't really relevant to DP, he is from a wealthy family, his DD has a trust fund etc.
His DD is on a sports team, they play in one of the higher leges and often travel as far as Nottingham/Loughborough for fixtures. They need to take equipment etc. The way it is set up is one person can get approved to drive them all and claim millage back. The person who did it this year has now graduated so she has offered.
However she has a BMW 1 series, doesn't think it is big enough to carry all the kit. So DP has said if she decides what bigger car she wants he will get her it (separate from the rust fund!).
She is sending brand new audi's/Mercedes/BMW etc. all worth many thousands and not necessarily more practical than what she has (Think C Class/A5/3 Series).

He doesn't seem to care that it could get damaged/insurance/speed etc.

AIBU to have said this is ludicrous and she shouldn't be getting a big fancy car at 19, not because of money but safety/logic etc.

DP thinks I'm judging his parenting!

You say she needs the space for sports kit, but if this was the case she’d be looking at estates not SUVs. So it doesn’t look like she’s wanting the car for the practical reasons she’s suggesting. It is image.

Both would be practical, so why shouldn’t she get the one she actually likes the look of? I go for SUVs over estate cars too. Is there an aesthetic component to that choice? Sure, and what’s the problem? I don’t profess to be an adherent of utilitarianism, and I doubt she does either. Most people aren’t.

Perhaps people are out of touch with modern cars...mainly because of my husband I also prefer cars that are reassuring to drive. For context a basic (sport) BMW 320 estate, which is petrol powered, decent amount of space, loads of safety kit and is economical has 180bhp and gets to 60 mph in just under 8 seconds. The slowest automatic VW Golf (all BMWs are auto now) has 150 BHP and gets to 60mph in a little over 8 seconds.

Neither is quick, but both are brisk enough. If the OPs daughter wanted a Golf no one would be saying 'too much power', 'too quick' etc etc. The green eyes of jealousy are strong in the OPs post. A BMW 3 series is a bit bigger than a Golf, a bit safer than a Golf I expect, a bit more comfortable and a bit more 'sporty' in its image. One costs around £40k, the other around £30k. And that's what's really bothering people.

Both would be comprehensively out accelerated (into danger if this thread is to be believed) by pretty much every electric car on the road. A Tesla Model 3 also costs around £40k, and that'd get to 60 in about 5 seconds! But, would probably be seen as a sensible choice on cost an environmental grounds

She isn’t looking at SUVs or Estates is she? She is looking at Saloons - they will be big enough I’d imagine - maybe she should up to a 5 series or E class if space in the others doesn’t work!

Not really, cars are getting generally quicker and even base models aren’t glacially slow any more. Look at a base Puma, that’s still under 10 seconds to 62mph, back in the day the base equivalent would be more like 13 seconds. A base 3 series isn’t quick by modern standards.

For reference, when I was 19 back in 90s I had a car doing sub 7 seconds to 62mph and 150mph flat out, nowadays as a 19 year old I’d probably be in a tuned Golf R with 400bhp and a sub 4 second 0-62mph.

@5foot5 - I do long drive small the time in my electric. They do 500-650km now for decent ones. No range problems at all

Today he asked if I wanted to join him and his DD to go to a car showroom.

The exact car she wants is the Mercedes-AMG C 43 4MATIC Premium Plus Saloon (had to google), when fully kitted it is something like £67,000 and can do 0-60 in 4.8s!! Bloody ridiculous, Would be nearing £10,000 a year to insure!!

He has however managed to persuade her down to the Mercedes C 200 AMG Line Premium Plus Saloon which is about £15,000 cheaper and 0-60 is 7.3 seconds.

Pretty sure my car is around 9 seconds so that doesn't seem as bad!

I do think I need to re-evaluate the relationship though

Why did you even bother going with how you feel about it? Seems an odd choice

Maybe this man just isn't for you, as you sound irrationally cross about the level of wealth he has, and how he spends it, when it does not actually impact your life at all.

So what? It’s his money to spend as he likes. It being alien to you doesn’t mean he’s wrong and you’re right.

Get over yourself.

Sounds like this isn’t the relationship for you. Your partners dd will probably spend her whole life privileged. She has the means ( via her parent) to live very well now and is also in the process of getting her own education. 10k car insurance to someone incredibly wealthy is nothing. Parents in average jobs pay 2k plus for their teens insurance, which will have a bigger impact on their finances than your dp will see.

I think re-evaluating the relationship is a good idea. It’s ridiculous to date someone wealthy and get all riled up when they are more extravagant than you. The relationship is clearly not making you happy, rightly or wrongly.

Re evaluation is probably going to do you a power of good. You will just seethe about this girl and it's not really her it's him who has kept her in this lifestyle.

AMG Merc? OMG I hope he's paying the insurance premium. Cuz that's gonna burn.
Also it's a real target for thieves!

Would not be what I'd want as a car at that age regardless of how loaded I was (not that I was mind you!)

Why would that get you started? Aren’t you happy she has a nice place to live?

It doesn’t sound as if their lifestyle is for you. Probably best to re-think the relationship as you are way too worked up about something that doesn’t affect you.

so what would be ok? A 2nd hand Volvo estate? Surely it’s all relative. Some wealthy kids get given sports cars. Some people get 2nd hand bikes. If her family has the money it’s not spoiling. I think you’re jealous and you should think carefully of whether you’re comfortable with the wealthy disparity in your relationship

@Liolio How long do you think it will take to identify a 19 yo female St Andrews student who:
Plays on the tennis team
Lives in a 4 bed flat
Drives a C200 AMG line premium plus saloon?

You have put your need to vent your jealous disapproval, on an online forum no less, above the privacy of your DP's DD. I can't understand why you felt the need to google the cars when you're not part of the decision or financing either.

Bloody ridiculous, Would be nearing £10,000 a year to insure!!

Again, why is it ‘bloody ridiculous’. You have not answered what you want him to do with all his ‘spare’ money given you don’t seem to like him to spend it. It’s pretty simple. Item A costs £5 and item B costs £50. For someone who has to save and is on a moderate budget, they will likely go item A because they must. If someone has a lot of money and item B won’t put a dent in it or affect them in any way money wise, they will go Item B because they can. How do you not understand this?

Both your boyfriend and his child have a lot of $$ squirrelled away (taking it his daughter can’t access hers now being in Trust). But you don’t want either of them to acknowledge they have money, or spend money. You will only be happy if they ever buy item A. You don’t want them to buy item B. What point is there in that when it just leaves extra money sitting there piling up.

Also, why would you give a toss about the insurance? Why bother? Even if it’s £50K for the insurance, if he’s got that going spare then what does it matter? Unless he’s asking to borrow it from you, which is not the case, why would it even concern you or you give it a second thought? Please spare the bloke and his daughter. Exit the relationship as your basic lack of understanding on how money works (that is, if you have plenty to spare then you spend it), should not be their cross to bear.

Except it’s not an AMG. It’s just an AMG Line, which is a trim level. Insurance might be expensive, or it might not. Perhaps as an HNW or UHNW individual they have a family fleet policy? Either way, an entry level powered C class with the top level of trim is hardly an extravagant car. Sounds like the father has done a good job of managing down his daughter’s aspirations from an actual performance variant to the hum drum version with some fancy trim!!

He can afford it , he’s the parent not you and you have said you aren’t involved in parenting so in the nicest way it’s not any of your business . It’s not going to affect you in the slightest so I don’t see why you care

His money he can do as he wishes especially as it doesn’t sound like it will impact you/your joint family together.

are your children his as well? He just needs to know this will be the expectation for all his kids - brand new cars.

if the new one isn’t any more practical than her current car I think it’s reasonable to have an opinion and suggest something you think is practical, then they can consider it.

Not your money or your child, so how exactly does this affect you that you a) entered the conversation about it in the first place and b) posted on the internet for opinions?

You don't live with her father so it's not a matter of discussing household finances. In all honesty you sound jealous. Not your money, not your business

Are you just upset that none of this money is going to come your way OP, and your kids will have a very different lifestyle to their ,well, 'step-sister'?

EnglishBluebell · 21/06/2024 13:02
This is nonsensical ignorance!! A more powerful car shoots forward easier and goes faster easier and quicker! You really don't realise that a powerful vehicle is more dangerous than a Fiesta?!?!

You’ll be an awful lot safer in a new, powerful car than you would in a Fiesta if someone else hit you, though.