To have said getting a 19 year old a brand new expensive car is ludicrous

[Liolio]

DP has a 19 year old DD, she has just finished her first year of uni at St Andrews. She is quite spoilt but we don't live together/I don't parent her, my kids are younger so I'm not experienced.
Money isn't really relevant to DP, he is from a wealthy family, his DD has a trust fund etc.
His DD is on a sports team, they play in one of the higher leges and often travel as far as Nottingham/Loughborough for fixtures. They need to take equipment etc. The way it is set up is one person can get approved to drive them all and claim millage back. The person who did it this year has now graduated so she has offered.
However she has a BMW 1 series, doesn't think it is big enough to carry all the kit. So DP has said if she decides what bigger car she wants he will get her it (separate from the rust fund!).
She is sending brand new audi's/Mercedes/BMW etc. all worth many thousands and not necessarily more practical than what she has (Think C Class/A5/3 Series).

He doesn't seem to care that it could get damaged/insurance/speed etc.

AIBU to have said this is ludicrous and she shouldn't be getting a big fancy car at 19, not because of money but safety/logic etc.

DP thinks I'm judging his parenting!

Reading updates in honestly sounds like you’re a bit jealous of a 19 yo

A lot of people aren’t happy that others don’t have to struggle, even if said ‘others’ are close to them, or members of their own family. It’s a case of ‘you should struggle because I had/have to!’, as if that’s a fairness they’re owed in life. Actually a lot of people think their way is the only right way, and that anyone that doesn’t do the same is ‘missing out’ (they never seem to consider themselves to have ‘missed out’ on the alternative, however).

I wonder if OP has a problem with what he can provide his child, compared to what she can provide hers.

I also wonder if OP believed herself to be in a position where she could influence his decisions, and is mad because he quickly dispelled that notion.

Well he’s not going to randomly pay a teachers salary, or for care workers or nursery nurses, is he? I’m not sure what relevance that has whatsoever.

It’s his money, and his daughter - if he wants to give her the best of everything he possibly can, then good for him. Sounds like a lovely, generous, kind man.

Most insurance companies won't insure a 19 year old as the main driver on certain cars, likely to be the case with what she's sending.

You’d be surprised, often it can be surprisingly cheap to insure a car not typically driven by young drivers. I know people who were driving Porsches at 19/20 without eye watering premiums.

You are judging his parenting and he has the money so it's his choice. You should stick to pointing out the practicality of ferrying several girls plus their kit.

How he has so much money might make you rethink your relationship with him, that's a separate issue but you dont sound very compatible.

All the UHNW individuals, including titled landed 'gentry' I know or know of have an unassuming car that's used day to day for "work" and a more eclectic selection of cars (if cars are their thing) that never make it near the riff raff. But then they also don't need to go to an office...

I'm not sure why people are getting worked up about a C class or 3 series - they are the modern day equivalent of a Ford Mondeo. Perfectly practical, efficient, comfortable and safe. Unless you actually buy a top of the range performance version they are not even that quick - certainly no more so than a Volvo, VW or Kia.

I’m well aware that not everyone has trust funds, and I’m not sure why you seem to think that fact has escaped me. At the end of the day, whether inherited, gifted, or earned, money is money. Is it everything? No. Can it make one hell of difference to your life and your enjoyment of it? Absofuckinglutely. I also don’t know why you think you have to start from nothing in order to understand that.

I don’t value money from one source more highly than money from another, but then I’m not trying to prove anything, to myself or anyone else, one way or the other.

Why does she have to go cheap if she doesn’t need to or have to? To appease the sensibilities of strangers? Seriously, what would be the point of that? That’s a strange mindset to me, but each to their own and all that.

Regardless of whether she gets the car or not, that money isn’t going to be spent on any of the above.

This is nonsensical ignorance!! A more powerful car shoots forward easier and goes faster easier and quicker! You really don't realise that a powerful vehicle is more dangerous than a Fiesta?!?!

It has nothing to do with you, absolutely nothing. He's her dad and her lifestyle seems to be in line with their financial situation. You must be utterly jealous because I cannot see how this affects your life at all.
Are you expected to contribute to the car or something because I just can't understand why is it your concern.

Your burning jealousy is seeping through op. This is nothing to do with you. I can only think because you want some of it that's why it's bothering you.

What I feel isn't jealousy. It's kind of distate? That people think it's important, beyond a certain level?

To me there's a big difference between acknowledging that being able to buy such items reflects one's hard work and luck in life, whilst perceiving no shame in not being in that position, against expecting such items without an acknowledgement of one's privilege in having them, particularly where there's a sense of entitlement and that ordinary things are "not good enough for me". If OP's partner just bought his daughter a Ford estate, which in theory would match what she needs, for example, would she throw a tantrum or not? Would she refuse to be seen dead in it? Or would she be delighted?

To be fair we don't know if OP's DD is the latter type, though even the fact that she is shamelessly asking for such items at her age suggests that she has lost context on value and proportion in finances.

It doesn't suggest that at all. It suggests she's living the cards she's been dealt. Why would she do otherwise? If she's grown up with wealth, that's just normal for her

I guess I didn't realise the extent of his wealth and lately it has been coming up a lot. Fully renovating a uni flat for example to a relatively high spec - just why? Oh 50k on a car and 7k insurance no problem! It is crazy to me and I suppose I'm venting

You are making no sense. Why? Because he can do why not? If 7K insurance is no problem, then exactly that, it is no problem. Why are you angsty and venting? What do you want him to do? Give all of his rental properties away and lower his salary (presumably to yours) and live on this, just ‘because’. Or, how about he spends nothing, and dies with it all in the bank? Would that make you happy? He has a lot of money. It’s common sense he spends that, what is the problem with this and why on earth would it affect you at all, let alone make you have to vent? It’s all so weird.

If I was loaded ds would have had a nice new car. He got a 10 year old fiesta instead. To some, buying any car for a dc once they past their test is OTT.

Everyone has different baselines of what is normal and what is excessive. What is the point of wealth if you have it and you don't enjoy what it can give you?

But her asking for a £60k car because it reflects her normal isn’t any different to someone else asking for £1k because it reflects theirs. She asked for a certain car and her father is happy to buy it for her. She knows the dynamics of her relationship with her own father, so I highly doubt she did so expecting it to be an issue. If so she was right - it wasn’t an issue. Not with him, anyway.

What does ‘acknowledging privilege’ even mean? Do you think that because she lives according to the means her family readily provide that she isn’t aware of it? Is she meant to constantly perform humility in order to appease resentful strangers?

It doesn’t sound like she’s ’lost context’ at all, you’re just failing to acknowledge hers. Her reality is entirely different to yours, and your context was never hers to lose.

Honestly, we just bought DS a less than one year old Audi and the insurance was as much as the 15 year old banger we were also considering. We've had lots of people tell us that we shouldn't have bought it but it was totally our decision and no one else's business. It has a fantastic service plan in place, break down assist if he ever gets into trouble and he is so appreciative. We don't regret buying it one bit. I think you should let your DP buy whatever car he thinks OP.

Literally there are type classes that don't permit drivers under 25/21 and that includes named drivers. They don't even have to be Ferraris. Audis, Mazdas, Mercs all have performance or sports types that insurance companies will not insure for young drivers. Even some vehicles you wouldn't expect don't allow NDs under 21. Some BMWs exclude drivers under 30!

Your friends either had low performance/classic models or were being fronted by their parents (commiting fraud).

What nonsense. You can insure just about anything for a price. There are loads of wealthy 20 year olds driving cars with serious performance.

As for my friends, we’re talking things like a nearly new Porsche GT4 and 911 GTS insured in their own names for reasonably sensible amounts.

You need to take a step back. It is really nothing to do with you. Stop counting their pennies!

@Liolio I can’t understand why you are remotely bothered by this? A new car is generally safer than an old one, anyway. I had a new car at 17, as did the majority of my friends.

OK!! I take your point! I've never driven an expensive powerful car! I'll keep my beak out!!

Don't get me started on this, he has also bought and renovated a 4 bed flat, for his DD and friends to live in for the coming 3 years! Has a parking space though so that is helpful!

And this is why locals are being priced out of the market (well that and golfers) 🙄

What happened to teaching kids to work for their things ? Mine have to.

Still very quick for a young 19 year old who potentially has been driving less than 2 years. There are reasons to why road safety groups are lobbying for young drivers to have a max engine size. A 3 series is always going to be much quicker than a base line Fiesta or Corsa.

I guess it’s only relevant if they will actually have to work for something - gets them used to it early.

If they will never have to work for it as it’s all going to be handed to them, why teach that lesson?