Stepchildren and dirty washing. AIBU?

[Lri]

I have two stepchildren aged 14 and 17. I have a great relationship with them, however, they are the first teenagers I have ever had a close relationship / close contact with, my own children are still primary / toddler aged so I am not sure if IABU.

My DH (stepchildren’s father) has always done their dirty washing. However, as he has gained a promotion recently and is a lot busier with work, he has stopped doing it. This means that often their wash baskets are overflowing and their favourite outfits aren’t washed. They have both started to complain about their washing not being done, baskets overflowing, and have said we (meaning I) should be doing their washing for them. One of them was in a strop this evening as a top they want to wear tomorrow hasn’t been washed.

I have said to my DH that they should really be doing their own washing. I was using the washer / dryer younger than they are as I didn’t want my parents touching my dirty clothes and I wanted specific things washed for specific events. DH has said he feels they are too young for such responsibility and asked if I can do it. Whilst I am a SAHM to our little ones, I really don’t want this extra task, I don’t want to be touching the teenagers dirty clothes / underwear as it doesn’t feel appropriate and I also think they are more than old enough and capable to do it themselves. I have said to DH that I will show them how to work the machine, but he is insisting they are too young.

AIBU and expecting too much?

I think it’s odd to make teenagers do their own washing separately, and can’t be very efficient. I think it’s ridiculous to be squeamish about underwear. Having said that, they are old enough to operate the machine, so if they want something washed by a deadline they should do it themselves, and ask if anyone else has anything to add to the load. No moaning someone hasn’t done it for them, that’s unacceptable.

Combine the laundry and teach the stepchildren how to do it.

Problem solved.

Laundry, like cooking, cleaning and reading the meter is a life skill. Then they can practice until they leave. They'll moan like hell then, once their independent, realise the favour you did them. And uou will have a bit more time to give their father a kick up the bum.

You hope that by age 17, your daughter will have a skivy stepmum to do her washing for her? I've heard it all now. Maybe you ought to send her over to dad's with her ladies' maid in attendance.

They are more than old enough to learn the vital life skill of laundry.

DH has said he feels they are too young for such responsibility and asked if I can do it

If your DH wants to baby his teenagers then that’s on him. That’s nothing to do with you. I was doing all of my washing from age 14 onwards, it’s hardly rocket science.

Your DH has been doing them a disservice by doing their washing for then, especially the 17 year old. Part of parenting is teaching your children to be independent, he hasn't been doing that, but now is as good a time as any to start. Of course YANBU, they're plenty old enough to do their own washing, and they should be doing it.

Of course they can do it themselves. If they are cooperative they could do it together.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Never seen a skid mark on a penis, seen plenty on pants.

I would be vague and say you keep forgetting, leave the washing machine instructions out in the kitchen or wherever the washing machine is

You don’t wash your husband’s underwear?! Do you separate it?! You’re a SAHM surely you do the bulk of washing etc as he’s at work.

I don’t understand any of this tbh. Yes they could do it; and you/he should teach them how. But they are at school all day and on what planet when you’re doing washing wouldn’t you just throw everything in together?

I just don’t understand people on here. Who begrudges someone doing their washing if they are already putting a load on?

Or you and your dd’s dad could teach your dd independence and teach her how to use a washing machine when she’s 11/12.

You can also teach her about periods so she can take care of herself.

For the period blood, aldi's version of vanish for colours is brill as is aldi almat. She ought to be washing her own smalls at that age. It's doing her no favours babying her.

I didn’t say it was embarrassing, I said I found it embarrassing as a young teenager and that I find it strange to be washing it as a (step)parent as I was so conscious of everything as a teenager. It also doesn’t seem appropriate as they get older, especially as the 17 year old has a boyfriend and has started buying fancier underwear if you get my drift!

Also, period blood isn’t just ‘blood’, it’s menstruation and tissue, and whilst there is nothing gross or embarrassing about your own, I do think someone else handling it, especially as you approach adulthood is a little gross. If we were talking about skid marks or pee, people would be horrified.

This.
This is mumsnet so no parent should do anything for a teenager.
I don't get the attitude that " I had to do it so my children should".
My parents made me do all my washing at 11 as well as hoovering and cooking. I swore I wouldn't do the same to my own DC. I made sure they knew know how to do it but thats all. It doesn't make sense for 4 people in a house to do separate lots of washing (or cooking for that matter), all the more so when you are at home full time while they are at school. If your partner was the stay at home parent I would expect him to do it.

When things are temporary I do the same. I have done school runs, cook meals and do lots for my step-kids but I am not going to spend my entire maternity leave washing and folding laundry for them just because I’m at home more. Their dad did it before we lived together so he still can.

I find your username at odds with your post 🤣

Posted too soon.

I've lived with 4 men in my life and after the first one I insisted on separate laundry baskets. I found that men tend to wait until they had no clean clothes and I tend to wash when I have a full load. First time round it meant I did all the washing in addition to most of the cooking and cleaning as well as having a full time job. I decided to draw the line at laundry and left them to do their own, none of them have complained because I worked too so they could hardly argue I had more time. I continued to do all the household laundry, just not their clothes.

With respect, you have a DH problem. In some cultures, they'd be working at 17

I think the key here is they are moaning. I happily wash my teems clothes, but they never complain. The moment they do, they can crack on.

My eldest was 16 when I told him to do it. Once he left school and clean uniform wasn't a priority.

Find a middle ground maybe? Wash uniform on a set day and they crack on with the rest?

Show them the fast wash. One blessing of washing my teens clothes was the sniff test. If looked and smelt clean I put it back in the wardrobe. Shoot me.

Also, we all have more than enough clothes to fill a washing machine, especially the teenagers. So there’s no need to be putting on small loads. If I wanted a special top washed, I would put it in with other things in my wash basket, for example. I would put the underwear in a bag and wash it all at the end of the week. I was doing this at secondary school age.

Given the OP doesn’t wash her DH’s underwear, I don’t see why she should wash the stepkids’! Does her Dh not think she has enough to do with young dc too?

No shots fired here, sniff test makes total sense, I don't understand washing clothes after one wear unless they're smelly/dirty. Excepting underwear/socks.

Other than pants with period blood on that might need an extra spray with the Vanish before being put in the machine - I don't exactly examine any underwear that needs washing.
I literally pick it up and chuck in the machine.
I really don't get the issue.