Stepchildren and dirty washing. AIBU?

[Lri]

I have two stepchildren aged 14 and 17. I have a great relationship with them, however, they are the first teenagers I have ever had a close relationship / close contact with, my own children are still primary / toddler aged so I am not sure if IABU.

My DH (stepchildren’s father) has always done their dirty washing. However, as he has gained a promotion recently and is a lot busier with work, he has stopped doing it. This means that often their wash baskets are overflowing and their favourite outfits aren’t washed. They have both started to complain about their washing not being done, baskets overflowing, and have said we (meaning I) should be doing their washing for them. One of them was in a strop this evening as a top they want to wear tomorrow hasn’t been washed.

I have said to my DH that they should really be doing their own washing. I was using the washer / dryer younger than they are as I didn’t want my parents touching my dirty clothes and I wanted specific things washed for specific events. DH has said he feels they are too young for such responsibility and asked if I can do it. Whilst I am a SAHM to our little ones, I really don’t want this extra task, I don’t want to be touching the teenagers dirty clothes / underwear as it doesn’t feel appropriate and I also think they are more than old enough and capable to do it themselves. I have said to DH that I will show them how to work the machine, but he is insisting they are too young.

AIBU and expecting too much?

Same. MN is ridiculous.

I will never understand households where everyone does their own washing, it strikes me as very inefficient.

Personally, I would have one person responsible for the washing, that's the easy bit but, if you don't want to take on the full workload, you could give them each a laundry basket with their wet clothes to hang outside / put on a clothes horse / in the dryer and then they can put them away themselves.

For stained items - put the washer on a short cold rinse before washing. Works a treat for most things - trick learnt from being a reusable nappy parent. 😊

It really isn't. As OP says, everyone has enough clothes. I always wash a full load of my clothes only and others do the same.

For stained items - DSC should put the washer on a short cold rinse before washing.

Fixed it for you.

At that age they should be doing it themselves. My children were and if a special top wasn't ready in time it taught to make sure it was next time

How many changes of clothes do some people have to justify separate washes?

We have four adults in our household and excluding bedding have 3 - 5 loads per week (9kg machine).

It doesn't matter whether you're mum or step mum, those kids are definitely old enough to be doing their own laundry, change and launder their bed linen and towels, vacuum and tidy their own bedrooms, cook simple family meals, iron their own clothes, and other light household tasks, ie bins, recycling etc.

At 14 and 17 they are well able to do their own laundry. I can't believe they think their dad should come into their rooms, remove their laundry, wash and dry it and return it. That isn't real life at that age. Show them how to do a load of laundry. Show them how to remove blood stains. tell them they are in control of their own laundry. You are doing them a favour. I might give the 14 year old a bit of a break I suppose but the 17 year old is going to be off in college next year. who do they think will do their laundry then?

Oh also tell them if they remove clothes from the drier (if you have one) to put their own in, they must fold them. I'm thinking of putting a sign in my laundry room about this.

Also teach them how to cook a meal if they don't know how.

On mumsnet, people have their kids doing washing from when they are in primary school.

in real life, people wash their kids’ clothes. I have 2 older teens and I wash their clothes because I put on loads according to colour, not according to owner.

I think you should wash their clothes personally.

14 and 17 year olds shouldn't be routinely doing their own washing and as your stepchildren, they are part of your family. If they were your biological children, would you be asking the same question?
If your husband feels so strongly and you don't want to do it, then your husband should make time after work

Bloody hell, your DH doesn't think much of his own offspring if he thinks using a washing machine is too much responsibility for them 🙄

My 11yr old has taken an interest in learning how to do her own laundry, so I'm showing her the ropes at the minute.

I moved out of my parents at 16yrs old, and learned how to use the washing machine immediately. There's no reason why a (assuming not disabled), 14yr old cannot learn how to do their own laundry.

This isn't your responsibility, just go ahead and teach them how to do it, and let them get on with it. They need to be proactive here, not expect to be waited on hand and foot.

My children are 19 and 15. They’ve never been tasked with doing their own washing as such, but they both just put a wash on when needed, regardless of whose it is.

Mine were doing their own at those ages.

It's fine for your DH to do their laundry but he needs to do it. If he wants to baby them then he babies them not you.

I don't understand the rationale for everyone doing separate washing. It seems a waste of electricity and chemicals.

Why don't they put the underwear into one of those net bags and it just gets thrown in.

I have a 16 year old he takes turns doing a couple of washes and as we use the net bags , to help avoid the missing socks there is no underwear drama.

He got a promotion at work so now he’s too busy to chuck clothes in the wash?
Nooe forget that, don’t become the house maid. He can do it, tell him you’re not and it’s his responsibility to either teach them or do it himself.

Then get yourself back to work. Is a pension being paid into for you from the household income aka his salary?

Everyone does the own washing here. Started at 11. They do it from A-Z. Do it badly they do it more.

I've never understood this. Washing clothes is so easy. If you're putting a wash on just put all the washing that needs doing in the machine. It's no effort.

I would have a chat with your stepchildren and tell them that you want to encourage them to grow into independent adults and part of that is being able to do things for themselves. Hopefully you can get them to see that it's a good thing to know how to do laundry/cook meals/clean up after themselves etc. It will stand them in good stead. Your DH is doing them no favours by babying them!

I really don't get the issue.

Because OP should not be skivvying for two girls, one almost adult, who are more than old enough to be pulling their weight in the home.

A 17 year old is more than old enough to wash their clothes. 14 old is, but as still school age I’m on the fence if they should have to do it. However, my parents still washed my clothes until I moved out at 20, but that is because they said they would rather have one full washing load in the machine rather than multiple smaller loads

YANBU

They're both of an age where they're capable of doing domestics. Doing your own washing is a basic chore that they need to start doing.

It sounds like their dad indulges them.

Or dad might step up and provide all this at his house anyway.

I agree. It's definitely the sort of thing a parent does for a child before they can do it themselves. Just because you married someone doesn't mean you have to handle their child's body fluids, you have to deal with your own child's shit. That's enough.

I wouldn't. I'd leave them to it and question why they think OP should be doing it.