To expect my working from home to be respected

[footballinthepub]

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

Not ideal in this OP's situation.

Op's parent is unreasonable
However op cannot control that
She has asked
It does not work
Solution is to move out which she plans to do anyway

You're question was " AIBU to expect my working from home to be respected"

YABU to expect.

I would be very grateful to be living at home and saving money in my mid 20s and given another room just for^ work.
You're very lucky and hopefully you show appreciation to your dad that you moan about.^

I’m not determined to see either of them a particular way, though do agree the father’s behaviour is rude and childish. I’ve just been pointing out that there may be more depth to this.

OP asks if she is being unreasonable to expect her use of this room the way she wants it to be respected. And that depends on whether or not she has been clear and up front on what she needs and how that will impact her parents and whether her parents have happily granted her request.

If you can work from your room this is a non problem. I assume "the office" means his office, or your mums.

Is he retired or unemployed? How old is he?

sounds like he’s a bit jealous of your career hurry up and find a flat and get your own space

Wouldn’t have been grateful at all

living with the paaarants in your 20s is problematic for all concerned

Is your contract wfh or hybrid?

He should respect that you are working. Whether he has the attitude of ‘my house’ or not! It’s disrespectful to interrupt somebody working. My husband works from home, and I would never disturb him.

Could you put a sign in the door when you are in a meeting? (My husband does this). Then the understanding is he doesn't come in when the sign is up, but acceptable at other times (though a knock appreciated)

This sounds exactly like my dad was. Never a compromise and always throwing authority around over reasonable requests. I’m afraid I don’t have any advice but it does get better when you move out and have that distance and can get on with your own life. He will probably always be that way but when you’re not surrounded by it all the time it’s slightly easier to deal with.

best of the luck with the flat Hunting, although it can take a while it will be amazing once you find the right place!

Doesn’t sound as if he is the type to respect that, it will most likely make him worse.

Work in your bedroom.

Well, working at home has taken off in a way that your father probably doesn't understand. When I was working,it was viewed quite suspiciously as not really working. He is right, it is his home and although it would be nice if he were a bit more understanding, you have got to live with it. Is there a local library or communal space where you can work? You need your parents to be on your side, so try and keep them sweet!

YANBU at all! It’s your livelihood and he should respect that, maybe you can turn it round and explain you’d respect his privacy if he was on a confidential call, for example with the doctor?
can you agree to put something on the door if you can’t be disturbed, maybe explain that you could get in trouble with work if you can’t promise to keep your work confidential? Can you speak to your mum and get her to have a word maybe, if she’s more reasonable? Good luck finding a place of your own!!

His house his rules
but he doesn’t seem very nice about it

Good grief! I would never have dreamed of walking into my daughter's room without knocking under any circumstances. He's belligerent and disrespectful. Get out ASAP for your sanity and well-being.

Your dad is telling you he doesn't want you working at home.
He sounds quite unpleasant but it is his house.
I would say look for other alternatives but if not available as it sounds, work from your bedroom, adapt it/lock it if needed or jam the door shut, wear headphones if needed.
Good luck

He is definitely being unreasonable, if my DH was doing this to our daughter I would be very angry. You deserve some respect like anyone else in the family. it's not to say it's a room that he has to go in and out like the lounge. He is either trying to force you leave or He is a stubborn so and so. I would suggest a sign on the door but to be honest I think he would probably ignore it , If you could put something behind the door like a small cupboard or could would still try and come in? Perhaps you could sit down as a family , over the weekend to discuss the best way forward, perhaps a whatapp message if he needs something. But honestly what is so urgent that he needs it immediately out of a room used as an office. I am sure you come out at lunch and to make a cuppa during the day he could pop in then. I think men of this age think of something and want to do it immediately , usually because it they leave it they forget. Take it from someone who is a similar age and has numerous daft conversation with DH, when he swears I have said something but I haven't, tonight's was me " Do you want garlic bread with your food" DH, " I always have it". Me " not always"
An hour later he swears I asked if he wanted wine.🤐

I think your Dad is being ‘a bit of an arse’. You sound like you are organised and an effective WFH’er - I expect he ‘just doesn’t get-it’. And he might just be being a bit old fashioned. ‘How can people WFH and anyway it’s working from MY home’. As people get older - they can become very territorial. Whereas he may be fully supportive of you being sensible WFH whilst getting on with finding a home of your own. Can you try ‘having a chat’ - in a nice way - so that he knows how appreciative you are of the space and the opportunity- but explaining that it really is like dropping into your workspace unannounced. Best of luck anyway. My Dad would SO still do this. And yet - he wouldn’t mean any harm - or think he was being an arse.

This is like my dad all over. I struggled with WFH while living with parents because of this very reason! And my dad's response was much the same as yours OP, even though my workspace was in my own bedroom! It is a nightmare, and I completely empathise.
The only solution is to move out, but while I waited for my house sale to go through, I survived by putting large notes on the door whenever I was in a call. This seemed to work to some extent. It might be worth also asking your dad if he needs anything from the office before you jump into a call.

He sounds like he’s doing it on purpose to assert his right to do as he pleases. Some people don’t like being told no. Pretend you’re on a call next time and that it’s a sensitive topic that would make him feel uncomfortable for barging in.

YABU, it is a home first and an office second. Plus it’s their house like he said he’s able to go where he likes in his house.

Didn’t u work in office before COVID ur saving commute office attire lunch expenses no time for it u can afford to move out surely are Ur company asking u to work at home don’t get it too many r doing a 3 day week working at home

I find this kind of response utterly baffling. It just stinks of power tripping over something absolutely trivial. What kind of arse of a dad stomps around the house demanding access all areas even if his daughter is on a work call. Can he barge into the bathroom when she is on toilet, after all, he is able to go where he likes as it'd his house.