To expect my working from home to be respected

[footballinthepub]

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

If part of the issue is him walking in on confidential calls, working in a pub or cafe is out.

Bedroom - depends on the size. I was in the boxroom at my parents in my late teens/early 20s, no way would even a small desk and chair have fitted in.

Anyone who tried telling me which parts of my own house I could enter would very shortly be setting up their desk on the pavement.

Hardly restricted, not like he's locked in a room and not allowed anywhere.

It's about respect.

Unfortunately, there are many arseholes who don't think WFH is actually work.

WFH dictators? Do you ever think before you post?

Idiots.

You seriously couldn't be considerate to your own child for short periods of the day?

I just can't get over that some people actually feel like this about their own kids.

Like do you walk into the bathroom whilst people are sat on the loo "because it's my house" or? Where do you draw the line?

It might be "his house his rules" but I can't imagine a scenario where my daughter had a good job and was doing well for herself as you are, and I was not just supportive and respectful of your working space, but would be proud and pleased to be so.
Sorry your dad is an arse, I hope you find your own place soon and that you are proud of yourself for getting where you are now. You have a bright future

Does that apply to OP's bedroom or the bathroom as well? OP has explained she has work calls that involve private information. She needs privacy for those.

Change the layout of the desk so that it's facing the door and he can't be seen on the camera when he comes in to the office.

Wear headphones with a mic so that people won't hear him when you're on a call. Don't just have your laptop on loudspeaker.

Millions of people have been doing the above since March 2020, OP, you can too.

He's being a total dick.

You need to move as he has no respect for you.

Please stop trying to draw parallels between sex crimes and interrupting conference calls. These aren't remotely in the same category, and as someone who experienced the former at the hands of older relatives it's pretty offensive when people make comparisons like that to try to land debate points in unrelated conversations.

OP has made no mention of their father disrespecting bodily autonomy or walking into places where they would likely be nude. This is a post about use of a common living area in the home.

Do you want to he right or do you want to get what you want?

In a reasonable world he'd leave you alone. But his house, his (bonkers) rules. Imo he is either lonely, has MH issues brewing or has had enough of you at home.

if you pay board I'd be looking to see if lodging with someone else is much more expensive.

It not, for a hundred or two pm moving out might be better especially if its only for 4- 6 months or so.

if not and you cannot accept the interuptions, i would find somewhere else to work.
If you can commute to the office on work days, you can commute to somewhere suitable on your wfh days. Maybe it's the opposite direction.
Id also consider asking your line manage if there is anyway you can work in the office ft for 6m or so

a rubber wedge seems the solution

You'll need to set all your meetings up for office days if they are unable to provide you with a workspace. If your manager objects, inform her that you need an office space.

Meanwhile - if you can't afford flats you're looking at then you'll need to lower your expectations; a cheaper area, studio not one bedroom, even a shared flat. Back in the day, it was normal for people in their 20s to flatshare, and sharing with peers you are on an equal footing - as opposed to your dad's "my house" attitude.

As usual there are lots of people responding who don't have basic reading comprehension skills. Lots of comments about how entitled OP is to take over a room in a house that isn't hers, that her dad as the owner of the house should be able do to whatever he wants in it.

OP has said that it was her Dad himself who set up her desk for her in this room so she hasn't taken over "his office" or commandeered the space without his knowledge or approval. Her Dad rarely uses the room as no longer works, which is presumably why her Dad offered up the room for OP to work in. OP has also said that she is happy for her dad to access the room if needed but due to her sometimes being on a meeting call or being in the midst of a sensitive conversation, could he just knock or have a conversation with her beforehand about when would be convenient. I don't think this is an unreasonable request. I can't imagine being a parent who offered up a room for my adult child to work in and then proceeding to act like a child myself over said room.

She is in a dedicated office upstairs in a houae, not set up a workstation in the kitchen in a small flatshare. It is only for a couple of days a week. She wants a bit of privacy while on calls. It is a temporary measure until she moves into her own place. Hardly unreasonable. Some people on here really are miserable bastards.

This is her dad and his house; she can have all manner of arguments with him, but he's already shown he isn't willing to give her privacy, so that will only damage any future relationship between them. The things she can control are where she goes to work and to live. It doesn't matter what you can imagine, nor how often you tell OP that she's totally reasonable, the situation will not change unless OP makes a change.

Yes, it’s his house, but all you’re asking for is a little bit of respect that anyone who isn’t a total arsehole would give. You’re in an unused spare area, tucked away, I bet he never went there before you had your office there? My dad would do the same because he wants to assert his dominance. YAWN. Get out asap OP!

No, it's only her workspace, making sensitive confidential calls, and which brings her independence and autonomy, and eventually a place of her own. Not important at all.

Back in the day rent was affordable, and people weren't expected to wfh. Things have changed.

The difference between those who see her as entitled and those who don’t isn’t reading comprehension, it’s assumptions.

You are assuming her DF set up the desk in the spare room that’s used for storage because he was okay with her using it in a way that meant he couldn’t wonder in and out as he pleased. There’s also an assumption that the parents are happy to have her living back in their home even though their own lifestyle is facing massive changes with retirement that they are needing to adjust to.

Those who see her as entitled are assuming her parents haven’t offered a separate office as well as her bedroom that she can expect to have privacy in. And/or that she has out stayed her welcome and is imposing on their feelings of obligation rather than being welcome and adding to the household in a positive way.

OP’s posts don’t provide enough detail to know where between these extremes the situation lies.

That's a good point, but I think that the core of OP's concern is that she would like her dad to ask / knock before he interrupts her. To me, doing that would be just basic manners, regardless of the above. If he really doesn't want her working there, then I think that he needs to have a conversation like a grown up.

Where did I say it wasn’t important?

Things can be important to a person and yet not appropriate to compare to a sex crime.

And it’s not unreasonable for the OP to need privacy - it’s all in the way you ask. If she is coming across in a bossy I’m very important - how dare you enter my workplace without permission type way- (very immature management style - I’m not surprised the dad has acted this way. One of the struggles with managing people is that situations arise not unlike the situation the OP finds herself in - she should be managing her dad - finding ways to compromise - you can’t bulldoze in solutions just because you are a “manager” the op has to learn how to deal with people sensitively and her dad will be good practice for her.

OP have you considered only having private and confidential personal meetings on your “in office” days - unless there’s an emergency (or your team are a walking disaster) - you shouldn’t be having conversations of a personal nature every day - save them for the office.

During covid we had to work from home and that meant there had to be restrictions on a lot of things such as mowing the lawn, practising the piano, which rooms you could go in, calling up the stairs, playing in the garden, playing music, hoovering etc. The problem with home is that it is not actually a work place and having to tiptoe around someone in your own house is irritating. I think it is your dad’s way of saying he has had enough. He is going about it in an immature way though.