To expect my working from home to be respected

[footballinthepub]

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

Your dad seems to be a little immature. Whilst it is his house, he needs to respect that you are not only living there, but you are also working from there. I do think his 'bye' was a nice gesture, and maybe your reaction might have got his heckles up?

I work from home intermittently, and whilst this is DH's home too, he wouldn't dream of vocally disturbing me. He gestures and it's quite funny.

I'd suggest talking to your dad. Acknowledge that it is his home but you are trying to find your own. Whilst you are 'under his roof' please could he respect some boundaries whilst you are working so you don't lose your job?

If he is still immature, give him a one finger salute and head to a library if you can't go to your office.

I don't think yabu btw.

hackles up

To be fair when I was working from home during the pandemic I could have 1 eye on the screen & 1 on the kids & my OH works from home and I can rarely not enter the room to talk to him. But for many people it's very important to have silence and no distractions, a bit like my online speed awareness course ☺️

Wow, I'm surprised there are so many people on here who think the dad is entitled to behave like this. "It's his house." "Why shouldn't he walk in when he likes." "You need to move out."

DH, DD and I all work from home and we respect each other's privacy. I'd never dream of marching in on my daughter while she's working, without having a good reason and without knocking.

OP, your dad is out of line. (And he needs to get a hobby or something.)

I wouldn’t get worked up if someone popped in and said bye on a work call, no one would care.

I don't understand the problem.

I work from home from the corner of the living room. I have a headset on for meetings and a background for Teams. My DP can walk behind me, talk to me (I ignore if I'm on a call), have his own telephone conversations in the same room, but nobody else can hear him or see him.

Just like in the office when we all sit next to each other having our own separate meetings via Teams wearing a headset.

Easy solution move out!!! It's his house not yours. Sound a bit entitled.

She's trying to move out. Did you miss that bit?

I think that when you work from home there's bound to be some overspill with your family. I've seen a few people interviewed on national news who had children come crawling into view. I think it's difficult when it's your dad's house for you to impose your expectations. He might just think you're working in the study and it's perfectly reasonable for him to say Bye to you and pop in to get something. It's hardly awful behaviour. It sounds like you want to have complete privacy and there's a disconnect between your and his expectations. Hope you resolve it or get your own place very soon.

She says in her OP that she is trying to find her own place. I'm assuming her parents allow her to live there so she can save more.

If this is the case, her personal and professional boundaries need to be respected.

I think there are some easy compromises here. DH and I both WFH a lot of the time and these have helped us:

Get a headset - no more worrying about overhearing confidential calls
Blur your video background so it doesn't matter if anyone walks in
Move the desk around so you have your back to a wall
If all else fails, work from your bedroom

I don’t have much advice for you but i get really frustrated that people don’t understand that WFH is still working.

My Dad tried to pop in the other day - I said no I’m at work, he said oh I thought you worked from home? As if we don’t still have the same workload and can do as we please all day 🙄

When you live with other people you respect what other people need, no matter who's house it is. However your Dad sounds completely firm in his belief that he should be allowed to come and go as he pleases, so I think you will have to either be ok with that or work else where.

It is a shame that your Dad is being so selfish, but, if that is the way he is, it is your responsibility to find somewhere where you can work.
Whether putting a desk in your bedroom would work, or explaining to your employers that you don't have a secure place to wfh so will have to come in to the office each day.

Maybe hang a sign on the door when you'e on a call? Get one of those backgrounds that obscure your surroundings. Agree with others who said to work in your room.

He sounds like a bully. Couldn’t imagine treating my child or anyone else in this way!

Exactly, he is just a bully!!

To those suggesting she work in her bedroom : she really shouldn't. It's bad for your sleep, and therefore bad for your health.

Put a lock on the door.
Move your set up so you face the door (if he walks in he can't be seen from your camera showing you).
Sign on the door outside.
Desk back in your bedroom?

He's trying to remind you he's the king of his castle

As you are contributing you can use the house. Maybe you can say that you’d like to contribute more so you could use the office? However all our advices are a bit pointless because your Dad is basically unpleasant person who wants to show that he is the master of the house. He doesn’t respect you and probably never would. You can’t reason with someone like this.
If you would work in your bedroom would he do the same? If no, that’s your answer then.
Another option is to negotiate with mum if she lives in the same house. Ime someone else should talk to him, someone of his age or older as he clearly won’t listen you.

This isn’t a drama. Buy a headset and put a background on or as someone else suggested move your desk. At the end of the day you’re living in your parents house and using one of their rooms to WFH. If it’s not working then there’s normally a few places that offer working space. We live in the sticks and there’s WFH office space available a half hour drive away, perhaps there’s something like this near you? I hope you manage to get a flat soon, it sounds like you need your own space.

All I can tell you is that IF one of my adult sons were living with me, and IF that son was paying rent, and IF he worked from home, I'd go out of my way to give him the privacy he needs. I'd make sure I got what I needed from the office before his workday started, OR I would tap lightly on the door and wait for a "come in." That's me.

Not hard is it? If you're burning with resentment about other things to do with them living there you tackle those - you don't jeopardise the kid's career, the one thing they need to protect in order to move on and out.