To expect my working from home to be respected

[footballinthepub]

I work from home a couple of days per week. I am mid-twenties and living in my parent's house at the moment however I am actively making offers on flats. There isn't much on the market in my area and I keep getting outbid so it's been a longer process than I'd like. I also contribute money each month to the house.

I am in my first line management position. When I work from home I use the office upstairs and shut the door. My dad doesn't work and so is in and out of the house during the day. About 11am this morning, he opened the door to the office with no warning and said, "bye!" I was on a call at the time but thankfully not one where I needed to have my camera on or participate.

Later this afternoon when he came home, he walked in again unexpectedly. I asked him if he would mind not just coming in to the office when I'm working as I had literally just finished a call speaking to someone in my team about wellbeing issues they're having; given that I'm a manager my work can be about sensitive confidential topics. My dad's response was, "don't you dare. I can go where I like in my own house". I pointed out that until I can get a flat, it is my house too as I don't have anywhere else to go. He then left without shutting the door properly behind him. I got up to close it.

About 15 minutes later he burst in again to get something from the office. I protested again and he said, "it's my house. I need to be able to come in and out when I want. All I can speak for is me and what I need". I suggested that we at least discuss and come to an agreement that considers what we both need, such as him knocking the door first to check if it's ok to come in. His response was, "oh wise up!" said with derision, as though I was being ridiculous. I asked where he suggested I go to work where I won't be disturbed and he said, "I don't know, that's your lookout and for you to work out".

He is now acting as though nothing has happened and that I'm the bad one for being annoyed with him. This is always the pattern when we have a disagreement and nothing gets resolved.

AIBU to expect not to be unexpectedly disturbed when working from home?

This. In fairness to the OP, this appears to be a widespread fallacy on Mn.

I was asking the pp. Nothing to do with op.

Realistically though if op is ready to buy, it would be insane to take on a 6 month overpriced probably gross rental which will be just as if not more expensive, wouldn't it?

The OP lives in a rural area. It is highly unlikely she can "just" find somewhere to rent - in rural areas affordable housing is usually in shortage and small properties get turned into expensive air bnbs rather than made available for local people to rent. Where I live there are regular pleas on Facebook from people looking for somewhere to rent which go by with no replies at all. When properties are advertised there is usually a bidding war with potential tenants offering well over the advertised price per month. In fact there is actually no indication from the OP that she is looking to buy, when she says she's bidding she may well mean bidding on rental flats.

In any case what kind of absolute arsehole parents treats their adult child like this? She's not a feckless layabout threatening to impose on them until the end of time, she's got a good job and is actively trying to move out and they clearly have the space to accommodate her.

There was a thread on here just 2 days ago about housing where a large proportion of the replies insisted that when they were saving for their first home they lived with parents because moving out and renting was a frivolous luxury. Everyone on this thread is saying it's an outrage that the OP stayed beyond the second she turned 18 instead of spending an entirely unnecessary proportion of her income on private rent just so her dad doesn't have the trauma of knocking on a fucking door once in a while.

I genuinely can't tell if this is just the usual MN mindless pile on or there are an alarming number of people looking for an excuse to vote with their wallets in 2 weeks.

If you're a junior manager, then in most workplaces you wouldn't have your own office anyway. What you have is better than working in open plan and having to book a room for sensitive conversations.

which is all well good but a lot of companies have downsized their office space and don't have capacity for everyone to be in 5 days a week! Also, employers clearly see the benefit of people having a better work-life balance by being able to do hybrid working.

Then companies have to make allowances for their employees not working from a professional environment. You can’t have it both ways. We have space for our junior colleagues because they usually only have their bedrooms to work from - it’s not healthy to be stuck in one room.

We do know from the OP though, that after having the problem explained, the father deliberately barged in a third time just to make a point. Then refused the OP's request to discuss it properly and see if they could come to a compromise they'd both be happy with.

So right or wrong, the father's a belligerent little tit of a man. We know that for sure.

To be honest, it's you dad's home and he obviously doesn't like the way you are using it. If you living there was a happy arrangement, it's rubbish he's so rude to you, but if he doesn't want you having total reign over that room all day, then you need to move or find somewhere else to work.

When you decided to work at home, did you have a full discussion with your parents or did you just announce you were going to do it? If there has never been any proper agreement about the practicalities, you can't really complain that the agreement has been violated.

Don't say anything else to him.

Get a door wedge so the door can't be opened by anyone outside.

Get some white tac and attach a notice with your working hours saying:

'work calls are active'. I will be available from X time.

Then see if this makes a difference.

Having a barrier and a polite notice might help.

I think it depends how well you get on with your parents.
My son acts like an entitled brat in his mid 20s shows no respect, is a misogynist, rude, doesn't do anything asked of him or anything around the house and leaves a mess every time he's in, he's lippy, moody and resents living here and we resent he's still here. He's is a royal pain in the bum.

I can't wait for him to move out and the only thing that makes it bearable is that he's out at work all day, I think I'd have break down if he announced he would be home all day and going to be taking over my office.
By the time I was his age he was 9 I was married and had a left my parents house over 10 years, many parents had children in the late 90s expecting them to be long gone by now but instead they are they stuck with these grown men/woman who seem to think they can call all the shots and make all the boundaries while mum and dad to the line.
No wonder this generation aren't having children they don't fancy what's in store.

I was born in the 90s and moved out when I was 19! Let's not make sweeping generalisations based on your own child.

That's appalling, but why don't you tell him to leave?

You seem to be projecting. Just because your son is unpleasant for whatever reason, it doesn't follow that everyone else born in the 1990s is the same.

@Ottervision

How do you get "sweeping generalisations"
I opened by saying it depends and the sentence about the 90s said most parents not all.

Maybe it's you that shouldn't make sweeping generalisations when your situation or experience clearly isn't the same as everyone's.

Most? Based on...... what?

I never said it was? I was simply saying don't tar us all with the same brush because your son hasn't moved out.

That's appalling, but why don't you tell him to leave?

Because like op he can't afford to move out and I'm not going to see my son on the streets.

Actually, companies can stipulate quite a lot (although it’s good that your employer doesn’t assume young workers have additional office space at home).

My employer requires me to have a separate, private and quiet place in order to work from home (and working from home is a requirement). We are not allowed to be looking after children or elderly relatives at the same time. Barking, interrupting dogs would be frowned upon. I think retired people do not understand this about working from home. The father could potentially affect his daughter’s employment if his disturbance affects her ability to line manage or if he caused a break in client confidentiality.

Someone here mentioned brewing mental health issues. My first thought, based in experience, is that the father had early signs of dementia: unreasonable anger, no understanding of personal boundaries, wanting things all his way and getting in the way, intolerance of others’ needs, needing to be around someone all the time to check said person was aware of them and their needs.

This.

I'm from a different generation too but I'm aware how life has changed in the workplace/for younger people.

Are you saying WFH per se isn't ideal, or that it isn't ideal in OP's situation, btw?

How can an employer insist on anything if the employee is living in someone else’s house? It’s surely up to the homeowner to decide what they are prepared to tolerate in their property in terms of someone WFH?

Yes. That doesn’t tell us whether OP is similar to her father or not, though.

Why are you so determined to think bad of the OP, why can't her father be a belligerent little tit of a man without your little PA remarks about the OP being the same?