Who should be denied cheap flight set up?

[Wayda]

My younger brother is a pilot. For 5+ years I have been lucky enough to get access to very discounted cheap flights. Appreciate that. Has helped my child and I experience many things we simply would not be able to otherwise (single mum). My brother recently mentioned that I along with our other brother need to figure out who will keep the cheap flights. Pilot brother has 5 spots which he can divvy out. He has recently become serious with a girlfriend who he wants to give the discount to.

My brother (not the pilot) is on a far higher salary than me and does not have kids. Yes, he travels more than me but that is due to him having the time to do so. This brother also loaned my younger brother some money to live off whilst training so I think feels entitled to the discounts. He probably earns £80k. Anyway, when we met at the weekend he told me “you had a good run”! The cheek! Assuming I should give up my spot.

Parents witnessed this and did not say anything about their spots. If I were them I would try and help out a single mother. I know it may seem entitled but I’m more hurt by the lack of consideration.

AIBU?

You’re unbelievably entitled. You have had a good run, 5 years of very discounted flights is an incredible run!! Stop being so grabby.

Is your child’s father still alive? Are they contributing? Maybe suggest they pay towards their child’s holiday.

Oh I’m not sure. I assume so?

Just take in turns thats what I do with my staff travel!

I’ve had a whole host of family and friends on mine over the years but I always offer it’s not just presumed!

It’s not being fully withdrawn though. She and her child currently both benefit, going forward only one will benefit from the discount. And I don’t see how the pilot bro is asking people to beg - that’s quite the take. He’s asked them to sort it out amongst themselves and let him know.

The reality is that you've much more fortunate than every one else in a similar position to you who happens not to have a kind pilot for a brother.

And although it's nice to be able to go abroad, it's not a necessity is it? I'm sure you could live without it.

Given that this is an obvious solution, or at least a reasonable proposal, I'm amazed you haven't pitched it to both of your brothers. Go and ask your pilot brother the question.

At my husband’s airline he can swap people on and off the list. Possibly it’s limited in how often he can do it, but he’ll add people as and when.

Your poor younger brother who is going to get shit over this 🤨

As a family, I’d look at who uses it most and over what flights - and maximise the value of the discount.

There are so many ways to say what is “fair”. If your child comes off, it’s “fair” that all 3 branches of your family are getting some discount.

Your brother’s comment about “a good run” just sounds like sibling banter. Why are you griping about his earnings but don’t mention your parents’?

I don’t think it’s “fair” to prioritise you as a single parent. You could say that’s just subsidising your choice to have a child / gave a child without first securing a higher salary.

Bottom line -cut your cloth!

You can't keep pulling out the kid card.

You're making it sound like holidays are absolutely essential, book a caravan for a week at the seaside or something to reconnect with your kid.

Why can't you just be grateful for the run of cheap flights you've had instead of trying to guilt trip your brothers.

Your pilot brother just needs to offer it out as and when. Circumstances change. You have to accept that.

I was on my BA cabin crew friends staff travel for a bit, when we went away together. Then she took me off to put her mum back (mum wasn’t travelling for a bit due to health issues). I got the impression you could change it at least annually, if not more frequently than that. Time for a family chat! But don’t be entitled about it, it’s a fab perk and it’s only fair that the rest of the family get to share equally in it.

It’s not your brother’s fault you’re a single parent.

This!
With bells on.

I spend a lot of time out of the house to provide for my child and those cheap holidays are precious as they allow us to reconnect.

oh come on 🎻 you can’t connect with your child without a flight?

I think you've had your turn, let your brother have the cheaper flights for a while, then perhaps you can swap again in time. Share and share alike kids.

It’s unfortunate that what your brother did as a nice gesture, with no inference at all that it’d be forever, is now expected by you all.

Arguably the “fairest” thing to do is that you and your brother retain your spaces but your child does not.

I'm sure you can still reconnect without getting on a flight.

And your brother's circumstances are irrelevant. Your pilot brother can offer the discount to whoever he likes.

Your brother doesn’t owe you anything.

He may still owe your other brother money or gratitude for help through flight school.

That seems exceptionally straight forward to me.

what is your brothers take on this? Did he say they are yours to use or do you ask or does he offer.

it’s his discount he gets to choose. You as a family or anyone on here doesn’t get a choice. You had a few great holidays with the benefit of a discount. It’s gone and shouldn’t really be relied on. That’s greedy.

what would your thought be if the discount was removed or just reduced to one ?

I'm sorry! I don't understand why your being a single parent is your brother's issue. You all had the same life opportunities; one brother is a pilot, the other earns 80K, and you are a single parent, suggesting you are on a low wage. This is nobody's choice but yours.

Now secretly wants the serious girlfriend to become his wife and mother to his child so you lose your entitlement completely for being a CF

You should be denied it because of your awful attitude. Your brothers aren't responsible for your life choices.

On the other hand, if one sibling had done you a huge favour which enabled you to get the job to be in a position to receive the benefit in the first place and one hadn't I know which one I would be giving it to!

Pilot training is incredibly expensive, your brother might not have ever been able to qualify without other brother loaning him money, a few cheap flights is absolutely fair. If anything I think other brother should be the first priority, then girlfriend, then parents then you last, as it sounds you're the only family member who hasn't supported pilot brother financially!

As others have said, absolute fairest way would be for you to keep your free ticket but pay for your DC. Or swap every year so you and DC have 2 tickets one year then other brother and a partner/friend (as you wouldn't be traveling without your DC anyway). But be prepared if pilot! Brother has his own kids or even just decides to treat his mates or something, to drop off the list completely at some point. Other brother was right, you have a had a good run!

This is the downside to generosity - people become used to it and entitled to feel aggrieved when it is taken away rather than grateful for the time they had it!

Okay I know this is a first world problem and I’ve been lucky so far re cheap holidays.

But is no one picking up on the fact that my pilot brother told my brother and I to figure out things between ourselves and let him know. But my brother just railroaded me? No discussion.