6 year child - stranger talking about her penis

[hermenmumster]

Trigger warning : sensitive topic around Gender Identity

I was at a work event (private garden - bring family along deal) and someone there is a transgender woman- she was tall, bearded ,hirsuite and wearing a dress and heels.
My daughter (6) was roaming around with the other kids and i think must have asked the lady why she was wearing a dress.
She explained that she ´was born a man with a willy , and is now a lady ’

Something jarred in me about a grown person talking about gentalia to a 6 year old child.
What does the mumsnet think?
AIBU to be annoyed?

I hope it's not true like I said however if men can impose themselves in lesbian dating sites, use our bathrooms, take our place in sports and insist they are women I wouldn't be surprised if it were

Why even call themselves trans?
Bloke in a dress end off, beard he's not even trying to pass as female.

Be a guy in a frock 👗, be a lassies in jeans👖
If more did it nobody would care just the same as nobody cares about a female in jeans.

But I'd be wary of this individual near my child he could easily have said - I'm a guy but I love dresses 👗- was he getting a kick from chatting to a child???

i think must have asked the lady why she was wearing a dress.

Why would would you write this?
Its a man with a sexual fetish or desperate desire for specialness in a dress.

I'd have told him to refrain from discussing his gentials with my child.

At 6 they should be learning not to ask these sorts of questions butttt i really wouldnt expect perfection in terms of etiquette at 6....

@IncognitoUsername she only told me when I got home. I explained that we will not be seeing that person again and grown ups shouldn't be talking about private parts to her. i emphasised she did absolutely nothing wrong. She hasnt spoken about it for 48 hours now

YABVVVVVVU for saying "her penis".

I don't think there is necessarily a predatory underlying motive for the conversation, I'd see it as another example of having absolutely no healthy boundaries.

Clearly he has no boundaries, so thinks the six year old girl can hear about his being born with a penis.

And that's why we need boundaries.

i guess I don't want to get into the trans debate. How people want to live their life is their business. It is about mentioning a penis to my child. Someone upthread mentioned how i would feel if a grown conventional male mentioned his penis to her. I would be plain livid and less confused

yes I think think so

Talking to unknown 6 year olds about your genitals is totally wrong. If it was a man presenting as a man people would be concerned. But if it's a transwoman then it's "inclusive" and educational. Yuck.

Absolutely. If she asked it as a genuine question, which it sounds like she did, the correct answer would be, "Because I like wearing dresses!" Pretty much all 6 year old would accept that and move on with their lives. No need to scold them, or mention genitalia!

I would emphasis to her firmly that if I grown up or anyone talks to her about their privates, that is inappropriate and she should tell you as soon as possible. She needs to understand that it is a potentially dangerous situation.

yes, absolutely. Thank you

I would look beyond the transgender issues and stick to the fact that this adult should not be mentioning genitalia to an unknown 6 year old child.

I would tell the man this and then keep my child away from them.
I would then remind my child about the PANTS rules and how they apply to people talking to them as well as their own bodies.

Lying to children is not okay. This is part of this ideology, normalising this to children. He should have just said he was a man who liked wearing a dress. That is what he will always be.

i would not have taken a young child to an event where they were likely to run into such a person.
not a criticism OP, just an observation.
but then i am probably, must, be much older than you.
nothing you can do now, except explain to the child as you have.
maybe have to think ahead if poss in future.
all the best.

Fucking weird.

honestly , neither would I . New member of staff , and met them for first time. Will not be taking my kids to any further work events now x

yes , thank you good advice

Absolutely not okay to reference his genitals in front of a child. Regardless of anything else.

How rude of your daughter. Has she no manners?

It is like when a child asks a person with a disability why they use a wheelchair, or what is ‘wrong’ with them.

Other people are not there to provide teachable moments for your child.

I suspect the trans woman’s reply was their way of telling your child to fuck off.

I know this will be awkward, but if this is someone you now work with, I think you should consider either talking to him and telling him he made your daughter feel very uncomfortable by mentioning his genitalia, or reporting to someone higher up. He shouldn't be allowed to get away with such inappropriate behaviour.

This.

Way back before all the gender stuff hit the mainstream, I was in town with my friend's 8 year old daughter when we saw a man wearing a short skirt and heels.

My friend's daughter asked me, very loudly, "Is that a MAN or a WOMAN?"

I said, "A man dressed as a woman, shhh, don't shout, it's rude!"

I think if the same thing happened again now I would just say it was a man.

In your daughter's case it is complicated by the fact that she actually spoke to him.

I think I'd have said something like, "Some men like to wear dresses and call themselves women. They can wear whatever they like but they are still men and they shouldn't be talking to you about willies. If any man does talk to you about his willy, or tries to show you his willy, or makes you feel uncomfortable in any way, you come and tell me straight away and I will deal with it. OK?"