Moral dilemma

[Nurseamy87]

Hi, I have registered just to make this post, been told this is the place to come for some good honest advice so here I am…!

This is such a huge moral dilemma for me, I just do not know what to do :(

We have the loveliest (attached) next door neighbour. We moved in on the same day (new builds), and hit it off with her straightaway. She told us about how in her last house, she was miserablr due to some nightmare neighbours who were noisy, argued all the time, and smoked weed. Our estate is very quiet and sounds completely opposite to where she used to live.

Over the 3-ish years that we have been neighbours, I’d say that we have become friends, we have drinks at Christmas, been shopping together, BBQs.

Our house is currently on the market, we’ve been on the market for around three months now. We’re relocating to be closer to DH’s family.

We’ve been getting anxious about the lack of offers on the house. Since going on the market, I estimate we’ve had around 20 viewings… lost track on exact number. We did previously have one offer, but the chain fell through pretty fast.

However, at the weekend we had a viewing, and on Monday morning an offer. On paper, they are in a great position, first time buyers, mortgage offer, and the estate agent told us they have seen proof of the deposit. This would be great for us because we are not making an onward purchase straightaway (renting initially). So,
that all sounds great.

Here’s the issue. When these buyers turned up for the viewing, they pulled up outside the house with their music blasting from the car - they arrived a bit early for the viewing and they were sitting there for a good few minutes with music blaring before coming to knock on the door.. you literally could not make this up. And when they came into our home, I was horrified to realise at least one of them absolutely stank of weed.

In hindsight, I feel like I should’ve asked them to leave but I realise I’m probably quite uptight with my attitude towards such things compared to many people out there, so I let them look around the house. I’m surprised they were interested in this estate because - as I mentioned earlier- it is quiet and not a lot happens!

We were quite surprised to receive the offer. And as I mentioned, on paper, it sounds like they are in a great position to proceed.

I just don’t know if I can do it to our lovely next-door neighbour, though. She was clearly emotional when I told her that the place was going on the market and actually said, “oh I really hope somebody lovely buys the place”. I can just tell that these people who have made us the offer will be absolutely horrendous to live next to, and make her life miserable again.

But they are literally our only offer…! We don’t know what to do!!

I was talking to a colleague about this yesterday and her response was to tell me that we should do what suits us, that we will never see our neighbour again due to the fact we’re moving quite a distance away, and we should look after ourselves.
I feel morally that this is such a difficult decision, I will feel terrible about this afterwards. Also, as she is my friend, I’d fully hope she wants to keep in contact with me, as I know I would like to with her!

We’ve asked the estate agent if there is anything particular from the feedback of previous viewings that indicates we may need to improve anything in the house, to attract more buyers, but they’ve just told us that the market is very slow currently, and that our house is presented very well, neutrally decorated, no clutter, clean and tidy for viewings, so not much else we can do.

What would you all do?!

thank you for any advice, and I’m sorry this post is so long.

First impressions of neighbours can be very wrong. The first day I moved into my new home, there were crowds of people next door playing extremely loud music for hours. I was upset, thinking I made a terrible mistake.
It turned out that it was a celebration of the life of the young daughter of the recently bereaved middle aged woman who lived there alone. I never heard another peep of noise from her for the next 20 years.

You really don't know on first appearances. They came to view the house not attend an interview.

DH (then DF) viewed our first house on his own. He rocked up on a large motorbike, leather jacket, long hair, jeans. No doubt some of the neighbours worried that a local chapter of Hells Angels was opening up especially when friends and family turned up on bikes to have a look round.

We weren't Hells Angels, we were a normal couple who just happened to know a large number of bikers.

Bloody does stink

It would be genuinely ridiculous to refuse a sale for the sake of a neighbour, IMO. You could end up having to accept a lower offer in the future and end up negatively affecting your own family, rather than her.

It's not your responsibility to vet potential buyers for compatibility with Barbara next door!

Tricky one OP. Weed smoking is so disgusting, I would have to live next door to a smoker.

I think some posters are getting mixed up with resin cannabis and weed. Weed absolutely stinks and even if you are a loveliest weed smoker in the world when smoked outside it wafts in through windows, doors, air vents etc. If you are attached it can also seep through the floor joists etc into your home. I'm not judging people who choose to smoke it, but it can effect others around them without them even intending to.

Does he have children living in his home? If he smells if it then their clothing will do after he cuddles them. It's horrible for kids to be going to school (or anywhere) smelling of smoke, whether tobacco or weed.

It really doesn't matter whether these pot smokers are lovely people or "professionals" or anything else. They still stink and that smell doesn't stay in the house.

I’d value friendship more and turn them down, personally.

Wow! You need to take a look at yourself 🙄

No.

If you're in a hurry to sell, sell it. You're not required to set yourself on fire to keep anyone warm. Not even dear friends. If you're not in a huge rush, and can afford to hang on for a bit, then try that.

I'm in the USA, and I disagree with you. You can turn down any and all offers. Legally things are trickier when you're a landlord and renting out a property. Landlords absolutely do discriminate, but you have to be cagey about why you're turning down an application.

I'm almost 100% sure I've never smelt it. I've just lived a very sheltered life I think 😆

So you live in an area where you can legally turn down a black couple and sell to a white one without any concern of repercussions?

No, no you don’t.

You seem to be assuming that protected characteristics trump everything else.

In the UK you can't be forced to sell to anyone. In a bidding situation (more common in Scotland) the seller is perfectly in the right to refuse to sell to the highest bidder if they don't like them. Being rude, obnoxious, anti- social or just downright unlikable isn't a protected characteristic and doesn't become one just because your skin isn't white.

In the case of leases, as a landlord I am to a certain extent responsible for my tenant's behaviour. If there are 2 prospective tenants and one turns up blaring loud music and stinking of cannabis and the other doesn't I don't care what ethnicity the antisocial one is, they aren't getting the tenancy. I don't want a tenant like that and I don't want the neighbours reporting me to the landlord registration officer for my tenant's antisocial behaviour.

I’m also a landlord. And no, you’ve just read one post of mine and made a load of assumptions.

Whatever, it’s a point for the OP to think about. That’s all.

Your post about not being able to choose a white buyer over a black buyer is simply untrue in a UK situation. It also sounds implausible any where else.

An estate agent or letting agent who consistently refused to put forward tenants of a particular ethnicity for the landlord to consider, or didn't allow viewers of a particular ethnicity, or a landlord who consistently refused tenants of a particular ethnicity will be in trouble but your blanket assertion that a buyer can't choose a white buyer or tenant over a black buyer or tenant is simply wrong.

You really didn’t read what I wrote carefully. I’m not interested in debating the point with you.

Again, it was simply something for the OP to consider and that if she was turning down someone in a protected class she ensure she has protected herself by documenting the reasons.

You really didn’t read what I wrote carefully. I’m not interested in debating the point with you.

We've all read what you said and you were wrong. You’re not interested in debating the point because you know you’re wrong.

Whatever! 🤷‍♀️

I've sold three houses...I accepted the offers I wanted to accept and all I had in front of me were names and figures. I never saw the buyers until closing. Where I lived and sold houses, you can accept any offer you choose.

I m going to go against the grain here, as most people are defending the buyers. I agree that blaring music while waiting is inconsiderate, if they're willing to do that when they haven't bought the place, they'll def do it once they have. I have neighbours either side of me who smoke weed. It bothers me every single day. One neighbour plays loud music occasionally, this is also really annoying.

Considering your history with your current neighbour, I would turn down the offer, as I would feel awful subjecting her to that again.

@Nurseamy87 if you’re new you may not be aware but usually OPs drop back from time to time and comment on the posts so far. It’s not obligatory of course but people like to get a response to a request for advice, otherwise they’re just chatting amongst themselves.

Edited to say obviously not all of them, that would take all day! Just the ones that strike a chord.

Just because they played loud music in their car doesn't mean they're not nice, considerate people. I blast my music in the car but don't in the house as I think of my neighbours. They may well smoke weed but how do you know they've not visited a friend who smokes & the smell has lingered on their clothes?
If it were me I'd accept the offer & go ahead with the sale. Tell the buyers you have a lovely neighbour who you're sure they'll get on well with. It could be they want to move to a nicer area than they're in & want better for themselves so are moving into a nicer area.