Moral dilemma

[Nurseamy87]

Hi, I have registered just to make this post, been told this is the place to come for some good honest advice so here I am…!

This is such a huge moral dilemma for me, I just do not know what to do :(

We have the loveliest (attached) next door neighbour. We moved in on the same day (new builds), and hit it off with her straightaway. She told us about how in her last house, she was miserablr due to some nightmare neighbours who were noisy, argued all the time, and smoked weed. Our estate is very quiet and sounds completely opposite to where she used to live.

Over the 3-ish years that we have been neighbours, I’d say that we have become friends, we have drinks at Christmas, been shopping together, BBQs.

Our house is currently on the market, we’ve been on the market for around three months now. We’re relocating to be closer to DH’s family.

We’ve been getting anxious about the lack of offers on the house. Since going on the market, I estimate we’ve had around 20 viewings… lost track on exact number. We did previously have one offer, but the chain fell through pretty fast.

However, at the weekend we had a viewing, and on Monday morning an offer. On paper, they are in a great position, first time buyers, mortgage offer, and the estate agent told us they have seen proof of the deposit. This would be great for us because we are not making an onward purchase straightaway (renting initially). So,
that all sounds great.

Here’s the issue. When these buyers turned up for the viewing, they pulled up outside the house with their music blasting from the car - they arrived a bit early for the viewing and they were sitting there for a good few minutes with music blaring before coming to knock on the door.. you literally could not make this up. And when they came into our home, I was horrified to realise at least one of them absolutely stank of weed.

In hindsight, I feel like I should’ve asked them to leave but I realise I’m probably quite uptight with my attitude towards such things compared to many people out there, so I let them look around the house. I’m surprised they were interested in this estate because - as I mentioned earlier- it is quiet and not a lot happens!

We were quite surprised to receive the offer. And as I mentioned, on paper, it sounds like they are in a great position to proceed.

I just don’t know if I can do it to our lovely next-door neighbour, though. She was clearly emotional when I told her that the place was going on the market and actually said, “oh I really hope somebody lovely buys the place”. I can just tell that these people who have made us the offer will be absolutely horrendous to live next to, and make her life miserable again.

But they are literally our only offer…! We don’t know what to do!!

I was talking to a colleague about this yesterday and her response was to tell me that we should do what suits us, that we will never see our neighbour again due to the fact we’re moving quite a distance away, and we should look after ourselves.
I feel morally that this is such a difficult decision, I will feel terrible about this afterwards. Also, as she is my friend, I’d fully hope she wants to keep in contact with me, as I know I would like to with her!

We’ve asked the estate agent if there is anything particular from the feedback of previous viewings that indicates we may need to improve anything in the house, to attract more buyers, but they’ve just told us that the market is very slow currently, and that our house is presented very well, neutrally decorated, no clutter, clean and tidy for viewings, so not much else we can do.

What would you all do?!

thank you for any advice, and I’m sorry this post is so long.

"I’m surprised they were interested in this estate because - as I mentioned earlier- it is quiet and not a lot happens"

Under the influence of watching too much tv, I'm thinking it sounds ideal for a grow house.

@Nurseamy87 my next door neighbour is in his 40s. When he arrives home, his music is always blaring out of his car too and he often sits there writing notes or something (coming from work) before getting out of the car, so the music lasts a while. He, his wife and adult kids are the loveliest neighbours and his blaring music in the privacy of his car, but shared when he arrives home with his window down, is absolutely no reflection of their general behaviour. I would be upset if they moved! As for the weed, it’s common and is not a sign of bad behaviour. It’s unfortunate if your neighbour smells it and doesn’t like the smell, but you could never predict which viewers smoke weed and which don’t. If you smelt it strongly when your potential buyers came into your house, they had probably just smoked a spliff before coming inside.

Not so, see my earlier post

I listen to my music loud in the car but don't blast it at home so don't worry about that. The weed though... I mean if they hadn't smoked recently then you wouldn't have known anyway. I'm sure many folk do things behind closed doors.
Are you sure it was weed? It would be a bit mad to be taking drugs whilst driving around in a car.

Random but funny story. I work with probation and mental health. There is ALOT of drug taking (clients not us). One of my colleagues volunteered with some church to visit folk in prison. He got pulled out of the waiting area by prison staff and drug dogs as they picked it up and held for a few hours till it could all be verified ha.

Maybe vet them a little better. Ask for an informal chat at your home with you and and invite your neighbour. See how they are with each other. Get your neighbours honest opinion. Personally I'd have to be at breaking point to do it to my.neighboir if I had any doubts. I'd want to know that she would be happy. The weed may well be medicinal and the loud music due to deafness. In fact the neighbour on one side of me is renowned for loud music and smoking weed. But they don't bother me, they're friendly and they're the only ones who have coped with my 11 year olds loud games console playing. The other is the polar opposite and barely says boo to a goose. Doesn't like noise and keeps herself to herself. So we keep noise to one side of the house. But I'd always make sure both my neighbours were happy with any buyer. If I had to sell. Unless I really had no other option and was in dire straights financially. If that was the case I'd be as honest as I could with my neighbours and ask the new owners to respect their privacy, boundaries and be considerate.

Can you hear my eyeballs rolling?

Meanwhile either of them would sell to someone without a second thought...

That's a very strange law forcing someone to accept an offer to buy! How does that work if there are a few offers? Or if your only offer is thousands below what you're looking for? Thankfully it's up to sellers here if they want to sell to anyone or not. Having said that, I'd be taking the offer, as others have said the OP doesn't know how the new people will turn out, or if the nicest people in the world will be nightmares - or sell to horrendous neighbours within a few months! OP and family is more important than the possible effect on a neighbour, I'm afraid.

The law is to prevent people from discriminating against minorities and people with disabilities. There’s no law that all offers must be accepted, but if you reject a good offer from someone in a protected class and then accept the same offer from someone else, you may need to prove your reason for it isn’t related to their protected characteristics.

The agents here often handle this and we don’t typically see the person making the offer so wouldn’t know much about them until well into the process. The agents have a great deal of incentive to keep everything above board and fair for all. It’s their license and reputation on the line.

If a car full of rednecks pulls up with Trump stickers on their car, loud music and weed pouring out, you can certainly just tell them to screw off with no worries, though.

It is really common and it definitely does 'stink'.

I smelled it all over Kingston years ago. A little bit walking around Bath recently.

I smell it all over in US. Even just driving sometimes it wafts in from the car in front of you.

The really smelly stuff isn’t good weed. but bad weed is more common than good.

I think you are making a moral judgement on these people on the basis of a short interaction. I would rather live next door to kind, understanding, non-judgemental people who might play music in their car loudly, in preference to narrow minded, unkind, holy than thou, I am better than you snobs who wouldn't extend a helping hand to anyone.

You don't know what these people are really like and if you had a queue of people wanting to buy your property maybe you could be choosey but you don't.

When your neighbour moved out of her last property did she tell the people who were moving in about the problem with the neighbours? Your neighbour might win the lottery next week, sell up and move on.

When it comes to buying and selling properties there are enough pitfalls without ensuring the people buying meet certain standards of 'acceptability'.

I think the real issue here might be you don't want to sell up and move to be closer to DH's family. Maybe it might be worth having a long hard think about the reality of doing so.

I wish people wouldn't minimise your experience or gut feeling on this.
Of course they've hardly created a great first impression
How were they when you were showing them round though? Gobby, or polite and respectful? I'd be torn too, OP. I'd hate to do this to a friend and am not sure I could live with it, especially if my circumstances around the move weren't urgent as such.
That said, new build houses can be really tough to shift. I love them but certainly in the city where I live, they're nowhere nearly as desirable as established properties.

My thoughts as a buyer would be, "I have to have a sit down with the neighbour to get their approval? I'll withdraw my offer and go elsewhere. The neighbour might be really difficult by the sound of it."

I'd also think, "Why are the lecturing me about how to behave in what will be my own home? How judgemental of them to assume they have to tell me to be considerate!"

The potential buyers are also taking a risk on what the neighbours are like. Your actions, as described, would throw up red flags and I think I'd walk away.

Well, we could do the whole 'yes it does, no it doesn't' back and forth all day couldn't we?
Many things peoplecwear/consume/smoke have an odour. Some find these pleasant, others do not. But they don't write endless pages on a forum about this.
And in terms of judging people, I'd rather live next door to a smoker than a drinker. Smokers don't pick a fight in an empty room, vandalise public property, or beat the crap out of someone for no reason (usually their OH).
But that's a whole different thread

@DBD1975

I think the real issue here might be you don't want to sell up and move to be closer to DH's family. Maybe it might be worth having a long hard think about the reality of doing so.

This is such a massive reach, OP has suggested nothing of the sort!

I'd rather live next door to neither, but as long as my neighbours bad habits don't affect my life, I am uninterested in what they do in the privacy of their home.

My friend lives in London in a downstairs flat. The flat above her is lived in by an incontinent, dope-smoking alcoholic in his 60s who is housebound because of his alcoholism. This week the firebrigade have been called 8 times. Years of neglect and dodgy plumbing (which he did himself some years ago) means the faults in the two water tanks in his roof space - which he stacked one on top of another, resulted somehow in very hot water overflowing and soaking through the ceiling and the two tanks starting to collapse through. He was evacuated and she was told she can not live in her flat until his is repaired.
He has no insurance and is now in a hospital. He has no family who wish to be involved with him. The firemen said the flat is absolutely filthy, stinks of dope and urine (floors soaked in it) and the plumber called out to turn the water off, disconnect the boiler and empty the tanks charged £1485.

As I say, I'd rather live next to neither.

The music would frustrate me, but a lot of people play music loud in their car.
As for the weed, I know plenty of people that smoke it and are the nicest people. Try not to judge them on that. How were they when they were inside? Were they polite? I personally wouldn't think too much about who you're selling to. Like some other people have mentioned, you never know what people are like behind closed doors.

You are selling your house. You have an offerctake it. You are not your neighbours keeper.

They sound like my neighbours, blast the music for ages in the car and then blast the music inside. To say they've ruined my life isn't an understatement.

Weed stinks and if they're smoking it outside and close by it can get in your own home and who wants their furnishings reekng of that.
I personally wouldn't inflict those people on a friend of mine but yes it's a horrible dilemma.

Of course you can!

I had a neighbour like your buyer. Also new build, attached, and I was assured by the developer’s saleswoman when I asked that he was a “lovely single chap”. Turned out to be a nightmare who worked from home, partied hard and had fallen out with all the trades due to his attitude. We couldn’t open our windows when he was smoking weed, and we’re woken every morning by his wake up routine which involved loud music in the bedroom.

Based on my experience I would say please don’t accept the offer. I know it’s your choice but it really will affect her life.

There’s no guarantee they will be reliable buyers and follow through. Unless you’re in a chain under pressure because you have another house lined up, wait for someone better.

It’s not that much of a dilemma. According to your OP, you are under no time pressure to sell, so are quite able to wait for another buyer.

I would not sell. I could not live with myself, knowing what I had done to my friend.

Yikes, so they may have smelled like weed and they like music so clearly they must be the worst neighbours ever? This womans prejudice is showing.

So what?