Moral dilemma

[Nurseamy87]

Hi, I have registered just to make this post, been told this is the place to come for some good honest advice so here I am…!

This is such a huge moral dilemma for me, I just do not know what to do :(

We have the loveliest (attached) next door neighbour. We moved in on the same day (new builds), and hit it off with her straightaway. She told us about how in her last house, she was miserablr due to some nightmare neighbours who were noisy, argued all the time, and smoked weed. Our estate is very quiet and sounds completely opposite to where she used to live.

Over the 3-ish years that we have been neighbours, I’d say that we have become friends, we have drinks at Christmas, been shopping together, BBQs.

Our house is currently on the market, we’ve been on the market for around three months now. We’re relocating to be closer to DH’s family.

We’ve been getting anxious about the lack of offers on the house. Since going on the market, I estimate we’ve had around 20 viewings… lost track on exact number. We did previously have one offer, but the chain fell through pretty fast.

However, at the weekend we had a viewing, and on Monday morning an offer. On paper, they are in a great position, first time buyers, mortgage offer, and the estate agent told us they have seen proof of the deposit. This would be great for us because we are not making an onward purchase straightaway (renting initially). So,
that all sounds great.

Here’s the issue. When these buyers turned up for the viewing, they pulled up outside the house with their music blasting from the car - they arrived a bit early for the viewing and they were sitting there for a good few minutes with music blaring before coming to knock on the door.. you literally could not make this up. And when they came into our home, I was horrified to realise at least one of them absolutely stank of weed.

In hindsight, I feel like I should’ve asked them to leave but I realise I’m probably quite uptight with my attitude towards such things compared to many people out there, so I let them look around the house. I’m surprised they were interested in this estate because - as I mentioned earlier- it is quiet and not a lot happens!

We were quite surprised to receive the offer. And as I mentioned, on paper, it sounds like they are in a great position to proceed.

I just don’t know if I can do it to our lovely next-door neighbour, though. She was clearly emotional when I told her that the place was going on the market and actually said, “oh I really hope somebody lovely buys the place”. I can just tell that these people who have made us the offer will be absolutely horrendous to live next to, and make her life miserable again.

But they are literally our only offer…! We don’t know what to do!!

I was talking to a colleague about this yesterday and her response was to tell me that we should do what suits us, that we will never see our neighbour again due to the fact we’re moving quite a distance away, and we should look after ourselves.
I feel morally that this is such a difficult decision, I will feel terrible about this afterwards. Also, as she is my friend, I’d fully hope she wants to keep in contact with me, as I know I would like to with her!

We’ve asked the estate agent if there is anything particular from the feedback of previous viewings that indicates we may need to improve anything in the house, to attract more buyers, but they’ve just told us that the market is very slow currently, and that our house is presented very well, neutrally decorated, no clutter, clean and tidy for viewings, so not much else we can do.

What would you all do?!

thank you for any advice, and I’m sorry this post is so long.

@Victoriancat

Have you lived next door to heavy weed smokers (heavy enough they smell of it when not smoking)?

They may well be nice people but living next to a house where it's smoked means you have to smell it constantly. It ruins spending time in the garden and it comes through windows if left open.

Those saying they may be lovely people are right. But the smell can make neighbours lives pretty miserable. That is what is antisocial about it.

Well I love music, go to gigs all the time etc but I don't blare it through the walls. I'll listen to music everyday on my headphones. We all have different tastes and even if we had the same who wants that violation into their own private space?
Inconsiderate neighbours make your life a misery.

Three months isn’t terrible in a slowish market. If the agents think your house is fine, it might just be a case of waiting for another buyer. However it’s possible they’ve exhausted their supply of hot buyers. You might be better changing agents.

If you're desperate to move, I suppose you'll have no option. But a bit more of patience might pay off -- both for you with a better offer and for the neighbour. Best of luck.

But none of that means you would have to accept their offer. It would be virtually impossible to prove any kind of discrimination was involved.

I live in South East London and the smell of weed permeates everything - I am sure I smell of it at times. I am used to it and it doesnt even register anymore.

I also play music in the car, I play playlists, and throughout a journey as some songs come on, the volume goes up. My DH often hears me arrive home from work from the music in the car because I havent noticed how loud it has got.

I rarely play music in the house, we aren't noisy neighbours or difficult to live next to. No weed smoking in the garden or weekend raves.

Sell your house, I'm sure it will be fine.

I don’t normally bother replying when the OP doesn’t, but I would sell in this case. The chances are she’ll exchange Christmas cards with her old neighbour and not much more once she’s moved hundreds of miles away. Imagine realising in two years time that you took an offer of £5 - 10k less to appease someone who WhatsApped you twice in three months afterwards and that you haven’t heard from since.

Why on earth didn’t you tell the nurse the reason for not selling it to her??!

PP already asked me this and I explained why on about page 2 of the thread!

Your can’t put your life on hold for others. It’s silly to turn down the offer, if she’s that unhappy with her new potential neighbours then she’ll have to deal with it herself.

The judgement and negativity about weed and weed smokers on here is awful. Not everyone who smokes weed is a pot head. Not everyone who smokes weed is a bad person. I can tell you now I know lots of people who smoke weed for various reasons, ptsd, anxiety, just to cope with the day, health issues, insomnia, to help with pain. If I didn’t know there personal lives I also wouldn’t know they smoked. My weed smoking neighbour is the best neighbour! Helpful, polite, good family man to his partner and daughters. But my old neighbor was an old lady who looked like ya favourite grandma and it was hell on earth, foul mouth, telly so loud I couldn’t hear mine, constant banging, always moaning. An old person being a neighbour would now put me off buying next to them!

I think you're being a bit judgemental to be honest, I play loud music in the car but my house is quiet, I know a lot of people that smoke weed and they aren't loud and are lovely people

I’d accept and move because there will never be the perfect person to replace you if you are friends.

You could be waiting forever vetting neighbours on her behalf; the next offer could be a young family, the second have dogs, the third have teenagers, the fourth might spend weekends fixing their motorcycle, the fifth might be a keen gardener who strims their hedge at 8am on a Sunday….You roll the dice when you buy joined houses or live on estate where houses are so close together. Are you going to wait years to find a single person to offer who leaves the house 8-8 and never has friends over so you don’t upset your current neighbour?

It depends on your experience. Some of us know people whose lives have been ruined by weed, either as a user or as the family member of one. There will always be good and bad examples.

Living next to weed smokers is awful. I wouldn't subject my neighbours to that unless I were desperate.

My experience too! The sweet little twins next door to me hit puberty just as lockdown started - cue months of end of trying to work from home through the sound of them yelling at each other and their parents, knocking lumps out of each other, throwing each other at the walls… They’re about 16/17 now and seem to have got over the worst of it (and I’m sure it was 10000 times worse for their poor parents than for me!), but it just goes to show that buying a house next door to a “nice family” isn’t foolproof either.

I think you've answered your own question, when you say you'd feel awful afterwards. If you feel it is not something you could live with, do not sell to them. It really depends which is more important to you, the sale if your house or your conscience. I'm sure the right buyer will come along at the right time.

Of course not all of them are bad, some are lovely!

But have you lived next door to a heavy weed smoker? The smell is constantly there, it lingers and it ruins the experience of your own garden. Especially miserable if you have kids. It permeates everything and comes in the house if you have the windows open.

In summer you have to choose between your house being too hot or your house being cool but smelling of weed.

Surely no matter how nice the people smoking the weed in those circumstances are, you can see how they might not be ideal neighbours?

People who are so dismissive of people worrying about the smell can't have lived next door to heavy weed smokers. It is constantly present, all the time, and ruins enjoyment of your own home and garden.

@AliceOlive In the UK you can refuse any offer without having to give a reason. No purchaser can compel a sale until the contracts have been exchanged.

You could get someone turn up looking very respectable and in a suit etc who appears prefect for your neighbour.

How do you know they don't like playing loud music late at night? They could be drinking and taking drugs at night and weekends and you wouldn't know until they move in.

Just take the offer!

They were playing it in their car whilst waiting. There is no indication that they will be “blaring it through the walls”!

It really is. I’m amazed you have never smelt it. You maybe just don’t recognise it?

I would imagine that those who say they don’t mind it probably smoke it so don’t notice the awful smell anymore. It’s rank.

if you are struggling to sell then you should accept the offer though. It could be ages before you get another one.

This is very judgemental. My son in law is a smoker for reasons that aren't really my business but extend beyond 'because I want to.' He is very respectful with it and goes away from the house (somewhere isolated) to do it, even at his own home. Yes, he smells of it, but smelling of it is no indicator that someone will smoke in or around the house.

As for the music, it's not breaking any law or rule to listen to loud music during the day.

You've took one look at this couple and decided they're ne'er-do-wells because their lifestyle differs from that of you and your neighbour, and now you're considering cutting your nose off to spite your face on the back of this farcical judgement.

They sound like scumbags. But get the house sold and move on and NYP. Unless you don't really need to sell or don't really need the money.....