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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think friend should have reminded me?

562 replies

abrabhf · 19/06/2024 21:45

Friend paid for hers and my ticket to see a recent gig, cost £200 each. These were bought months ago and I forgot about it, we also have barely spoken since purchase.

I never paid her back and now the gig has been and gone and she’s ignored my texts and calls.

OP posts:
Original poster
abrabhf · 20/06/2024 02:09

Sugargliderwombat · 20/06/2024 01:47

You really need to check whether she got her money back and if she didn't, pay your debt to her.

Why would I need to check? I haven’t sent her any money.

I’ve messaged her now. Apparently she went on her own, she didn’t remind me as she thought I’d do the right thing and then gave up.

There’s more to it than that but I’m not going to post the entire message. 15 year friendship seems very much over. I can’t afford to send her £200.

OP posts:
ForGreyKoala · 20/06/2024 02:13

You are an adult, it was up to YOU to remember to pay her. It's easy enough to put a reminder somewhere. It is extremely irritating to have to remind people to pay money for something, and it's not something that should need to be done.

TeaAndTattoos · 20/06/2024 02:15

YABU why is it up to your friend to remind you about it and why should she swallow the cost of your unused ticket pay her the money for it your so far out of order you don’t even realise.

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/06/2024 02:17

I can’t afford to send her £200.

And it seems you never could. So why did you agree to go?

ForGreyKoala · 20/06/2024 02:18

abrabhf · 20/06/2024 02:09

Why would I need to check? I haven’t sent her any money.

I’ve messaged her now. Apparently she went on her own, she didn’t remind me as she thought I’d do the right thing and then gave up.

There’s more to it than that but I’m not going to post the entire message. 15 year friendship seems very much over. I can’t afford to send her £200.

Show quote history

So, you couldn't afford it at the time, you "forgot", and now you can't afford to reimburse her?

You sound awful, and seem to think that it is your friend who is in the wrong here. In fact it is very much you who is in the wrong.

I very much doubt she will regret not having you in her life.

FiveShelties · 20/06/2024 02:18

The least you could do would be to pay her the money you owe, even if you have to do it in instalments.

JoniBlue · 20/06/2024 02:25

You owe her the £200. Maybe you can pay it back slowly, £50.00 a month?

KomodoOhno · 20/06/2024 02:36

Pay her.

Busby88 · 20/06/2024 02:37

Wow you’re a terrible friend. Pay her back!

CalicoPusscat · 20/06/2024 02:39

Pay back in installments. And you really need to sort out your finances if you're overstretched frequently.

Nanaof1 · 20/06/2024 03:00

abrabhf · 20/06/2024 02:09

Why would I need to check? I haven’t sent her any money.

I’ve messaged her now. Apparently she went on her own, she didn’t remind me as she thought I’d do the right thing and then gave up.

There’s more to it than that but I’m not going to post the entire message. 15 year friendship seems very much over. I can’t afford to send her £200.

Show quote history

You knew in December that she paid for your ticket, and she was willing to wait for your next payday for the money. I find it hard to believe that you forgot
THAT quickly. Then you chatted in April, and I am betting she invited you to dinner to see if you were planning to pay. But, you didn't go and STILL hadn't paid her.
The friendship is over because you couldn't be bothered to pay for your ticket. It's not her job to remind you, as she isn't your mother.
I also am very suspicious that this was probably not the first time you "forgot" to pay someone back. It doesn't really matter that you cannot "afford" the ticket because you promised to pay her, so you STILL owe her the 200. Even if you pay it back 50 at a time.
It's a shame you ruined a 15-year friendship because you could not prioritize your friendship, and you wish to get out of paying 200 pds.

Nanaof1 · 20/06/2024 03:02

abrabhf · 20/06/2024 02:09

Why would I need to check? I haven’t sent her any money.

I’ve messaged her now. Apparently she went on her own, she didn’t remind me as she thought I’d do the right thing and then gave up.

There’s more to it than that but I’m not going to post the entire message. 15 year friendship seems very much over. I can’t afford to send her £200.

Show quote history

I am sure you don't want to post the entire message because it would be very telling about your behavior.

Gingerdancedbackwards · 20/06/2024 03:11

abrabhf · 20/06/2024 02:09

Why would I need to check? I haven’t sent her any money.

I’ve messaged her now. Apparently she went on her own, she didn’t remind me as she thought I’d do the right thing and then gave up.

There’s more to it than that but I’m not going to post the entire message. 15 year friendship seems very much over. I can’t afford to send her £200.

Show quote history

I'd take you to a small claims court
But maybe your ex-friend who you don't want to pay what you owe her, is a better person than me.

Scirocco · 20/06/2024 03:12

Well, if you owe her £200, you're going to need to pay her £200. So you'll need to find it somewhere.

Babyenroute · 20/06/2024 03:21

Why did you agree to go to a concert you were unable to go to? Assuming you agreed to go and asked her to get your ticket, you are SO unreasonable and paying her back should be a priority

Tiddlywinkly · 20/06/2024 03:29

It all seems a bit odd. You don't appear to be in contact often for someone who was willing to loan you £200. It seems maybe you were once close and may have drifted apart a bit?

Some things don't add up for me and I think some of the back story is missing. I wouldn't forget about owing that money or not sticking it in a calendar. It's also odd that you both didn't discuss the gig logistics at all.

Anyway, you owe her the money. Apologise profusely and offer £50 installments if there is absolutely no way you cannot pay it all immediately or next payday. I think the friendship may be over nonetheless.

BagPoops · 20/06/2024 03:36

Have you let her down a lot before?

Just from your posts it sounds like she expected you to forget to both pay and show up!

AbraAbraCadabra · 20/06/2024 03:42

This is all very weird. If I had paid for tickets for someone I'd be chasing them every week and I'd certainly contact them before the event to make arrangements (and chase payment again if not yet paid!). Very odd just to sit there but making any contact. Theoretically of course it would be nice if you didn't have to chase for payment at all, but I certainly wouldn't sit there passive while someone owed me £200!

mathanxiety · 20/06/2024 03:42

abrabhf · 19/06/2024 21:52

No, and she knew I wouldn’t be able to and she was ok with it.

I had to wait for pay day and then I completely forgot.

Show quote history

That's on you.

Pay her immediately, and send her a note apologizing for making her wait so long.

anon4net · 20/06/2024 03:51

You need to pay her for a ticket she purchased for you because you said you'd go. That part isn't negotiable. Pay her 10 x 20 instalments if you need to. But you need to start paying it back.

WiddlinDiddlin · 20/06/2024 03:55

So she bought tickets... expecting you to pay her back when you got paid.

She would have had some idea of when that was and that date sailed past and you neither paid nor got in touch?

Did the dinner invite you declined happen before or after the date you were expected to pay?

So from her perspective, she bought tickets, you then basically ghosted her...

And instead of thinking to poke you and say 'hey did you forget' or 'hey you owe me £££' she thought she'd sit and stew and wait for you to remember?

You sound like a dick.

She also sounds like a dick.

Which one of you is the bigger dick, I'm not sure.

Blackboxbetty · 20/06/2024 04:01

Ok I take back my previous message as there is clearly back story here. Sounds like you could never afford to pay and you willfully let this gig pass you by in the hopes of never paying the 200.

I think your friend knew this is what you were doing and was giving you one last chance to get in touch before the gig... but you didn't.

You still owe her 200 and you should pay her back even if, as pp suggests, even if it's in installments. And yeah, it does sound like your friendship is over, but seems that's on you.

CurlsnSunshinetime4tea · 20/06/2024 04:07

you couldn't afford it in december, you convienently forgot till april and still now you don't have the money. why would you even think she would "send you the ticket"? hopefully all mutual friends have been warned about your inconsiderate immoral behavior.
alert OP this is a huge faux pas

Hillcrest2022 · 20/06/2024 04:07

It was your responsibility, not hers, to remember that you pay her for it. Take some accountability..

I walked away from a friendship due to this attitude so I suspect she's had similar issues with you in the past and she's done with it hence her silence.

MissTrip82 · 20/06/2024 04:16

There’s no way that in the six months since you’ve never once remembered. No way.