DD6’s party, Jemima’s mother and the clownfairy part 2

[Endoftheroad12345]

Hi all

After my last post here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5097890-to-tell-a-mum-of-a-guest-that-she-cant-stay-at-dd6s-birthday-party?page=1

I thought some of you might be interested in an update.

The clown/fairy I had booked ghosted me when I tried to confirm!!!! so for a moment there I was panicking about having no entertainer and felt that the mumsnet curse of hoping that DD had a shitty party would come true!!!!! luckily though, I have found and booked a back up fairy. So that mitigates the clown phobia risk

9 guests have RSVPed if a total of 12 invites (I had guessed 15), 3 TBC. Of the 12, I know 6 mothers (most of them just to say hi to at school). 3 who have RSVPed I couldn’t pick out of a line up. So far no other parents have asked to stay. Or indeed asked for any other details (or an “plan”)about the party.

Forecast is for pissing rain on Sunday.

The last few pages of the thread took a weird turn while I was asleep and started talking about swimming parties and lifeguards. We do actually have a pool … (I know I sound like I’m trolling at this point.) There will not be a lifeguard on duty, but as it’s about 12 degrees here so I don’t think anyone will be getting in the unheated pool.

(Am WFH today because DS has a high fever and power-chucked in the hallway last night while I was making cupcakes at 10pm for the sodding school fundraiser. As DS coughed in my face while he spreadeagled across my bed, I did think wistfully of one poster on the last thread who thought I was probably a cashed up career woman who barely saw her kids.)

This is your anxiety or hangup or whatever you want to call it, has nothing to do with the thread subject. OP has made it clear, multiple times, that these drop off parties for this many children are completely typical and frequent.

Everything you're saying is completely your own guesswork and nothing to do with the thread – it's completely valueless, so give it a rest.

Well the ones that know me know I’m a single mother with no help and have frequently been happy to leave their kids with me … in summer the children are even in the pool with no lifeguard on duty

I hobbled around with a fractured ankle and dislocated shoulder for 3 weeks, still lived to tell the tale. Equally we were playing outside at 4/5 completely unsupervised so I think the level of hysteria around kids these days is truly insane and giving our kids anxiety and mh problems!

I can't figure out whether this is a recent thing, or a social class thing, because when I was a kid (in the UK) it was literally unheard of for a kids' party to be anything other than a drop-and-run, from about three years old onwards. If any parent had expected to stay for a child's party, everyone would have thought they were total weirdos.

I had an 80s childhood, my parents were much more relaxed than parents today.
I have grown into an adult with anxiety.

That would never have happened with blue tac.

That's the same approach I took with my dc in the 00's. If they were still complaining 3 or 4 days later with a break/sprain/etc, I'd consider a GP or A&E. Illnesses generally got a week.

A friend of mine once waited 4 days before bringing her dd to A&E with a broken leg. I fairness, she was able to put a little weight on it.

I've not got anxiety or hang ups, thanks all the same.
I've also got kids myself, and I've happily dropped them off at parties and gone off, even when they were 5.

But, I've only left them if A) that was the expected thing from the parents, and B) only if I knew that there wasn't just one person looking after loads of kids.

Thankfully, whichever parties my kids have gone to, there's never been a time when there was only one adult. Maybe that's because it's the norm for people I know to have common sense when it comes to looking after so many kids, and it wouldn't even be considered or occur to anyone to do it single handedly.

When I was a kid we cycled without helmets and travelled in cars without seat belts. People drove after having a drink and smoked in public places.
Most 6 year olds are absoutley fine to go to a drop and go party. But most people have progressed to understand that some are not and need a little more support whether that's a parent staying around in the background for a full party, staying for 5 minutes until they are settled etc. Leaving a distressed child at a party benefits nobody.
My child would have asked me to stay at a party with her when she was 5/6. I stayed at a few, this processed to needing me for a few minutes at the start of a party. Now she is 7 I would not dream of staying at a party because she is fine.

If it's not a hangup then why are you so incessant that everyone cares about it by posting about it repeatedly? You very clearly think it should be A Big Deal.

You have no evidence that the parents care or care to ask (and if they care to ask then they can do). It is not the subject of the thread or the OP's query. It has nothing to do with anything and is none of your concern.

And it's none of your concern if I post on here is it?
It's my business whether or not I reply to people, you've not got the monopoly on who can comment, so if you don't expect me to reply to posters like yourself, then why not refrain from being goady?

I think it's a recent thing - I would say I sit pretty similarly to where I grew up in terms of social class (and live in the same area) and I think I would have been dropped off by 5, but as I posted upthread no one does it around me now and the kids are all 6 - some of them not that far off 7. I wouldn't mind dropping off, and think DS would be fine, but it would be really outside the social norm here. They'll be moving from year 1 to 2 soon, I don't know if that might be the point at which it changes?

This did make me giggle (not the idea of you in pain, just the wonderfully casual way you describe it)
Obviously this is the opposite end of the scale and injured/sick kids should get medical treatment hahaha but it is true that so many are wimpy, mollycoddled, pandered to, clingy, cry at the drop of a hat and over sensitive these days. Can't go to a party/Brownies/Sunday school etc without clinging to mum - it just didn't happen years ago. It's a bit pathetic and I am glad mine aren't like that. Teachers have their work cut out...

I would also note that one additional factor is that a lot of people are assuming you'd drop off by car: around us for most parties people would be on foot or public transport (occasionally there is a party at a venue you can only drive to, and then there are more children who get a lift and go with someone else's parent). That makes dropping off and going back 90 minutes later much less appealing, but I guess that's a specifically urban thing.

I'm not far off 40 and there were definitely children I knew who struggled to go to brownies without their mum.

For the record I've also raised my kids as a single mum (not that it's really relevant), and can quite easily look after a number of kids alone, but there's a massive difference to looking after around 15 of them when they're so young.

I wouldn't dream of doing that alone, as yes, things could well be fine, but the more kids there is, the more potential for something to go wrong, that's obvious.
Each to their own I guess.

I don't know where you got the lifeguard but from, but for reference, I wasn't the poster who mentioned that, although you likely know that.

There has actually been a lot of research to show the more supported a child feels as a child the more independent they become as an adult.
I think a balance needs to be found here so the child grows up to be independent and resilient. Some kids are clingier by nature.

The last thread has been a delight to read…… I especially loved the pegging joke that went over so many heads!

@Endoftheroad12345 have you ever considered a career in law? Or perhaps the Hells Angels have an opening after all? I’m sure you’d have no issue just strapping the kids to the side of a Harley as you fly across country. Mouthy be better to leave them at home with a safety inspector as a babysitter instead? Just make sure the lifeguards on duty that day!

OP - thank you for all the giggles! I've had a really shit morning, hut then I read your threads and laughed out loud. I think your replies to some of the more... unexpected tangents have been fantastic, and as someone else with a fuck-knuckle (new favourite insult 😂) of an ex, well done for getting shot of him.

And, it goes without saying, I'm in awe of your lawyerly brilliance! 😂 🤣

We also fully expect to stay for kids parties. Not to supervise, we've just got into a habit of providing wine.

I hope you've updated the risk assessment with aquatic pony allergy fairies and got the kids to sign a risk waiver.

OP has been refreshing rather than rude. Good to see her respond back to the rude posters in an entertaining way. You don’t see enough of that on here (although a lot of us probably think it, or discuss it on the MN Tattle page)

If this is representative of NZ then I want to see the NZ version of MN as it’s probably a lot better than this one. Between this and the you can’t possibly ask kids to wake up early to go on a day trip thread this place is bonkers today

OP do you get Motherland in NZ? Maybe on Netflix? It is the drama comedy version of MN in some places and even has an episode about drop off parties in series 1

OP you've well fucked up here. The first rule of Fight Club is not to talk about it, not only have you broken that, you've actually set up a second thread to talk about it.

Well anyway, thank fuck your Project Mayhem doesn't involve a clown. This was more of a potential danger than any number of children with one adult

I used to think I was a neurotic mum. Till I read threads like your last one and realised that there is a whole world of more OTT parents out there. It made me feel chilled and laid back. And that never usually happens!

Though my kids had regular sleepovers with school friends from age 7. And that’s a crime for some on MN.

Is it your day off work today Daisy?

You're like a dog with a bone. Let.It.Go

I think you come across as way more ‘aggressive’ and unpleasant than the OP. It’s all subjective I guess.

Perhaps the fairy could be Daisy wearing an Elsa costume?

I'll get my coat.