DD6’s party, Jemima’s mother and the clownfairy part 2

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Hi all

After my last post here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5097890-to-tell-a-mum-of-a-guest-that-she-cant-stay-at-dd6s-birthday-party?page=1

I thought some of you might be interested in an update.

The clown/fairy I had booked ghosted me when I tried to confirm!!!! so for a moment there I was panicking about having no entertainer and felt that the mumsnet curse of hoping that DD had a shitty party would come true!!!!! luckily though, I have found and booked a back up fairy. So that mitigates the clown phobia risk

9 guests have RSVPed if a total of 12 invites (I had guessed 15), 3 TBC. Of the 12, I know 6 mothers (most of them just to say hi to at school). 3 who have RSVPed I couldn’t pick out of a line up. So far no other parents have asked to stay. Or indeed asked for any other details (or an “plan”)about the party.

Forecast is for pissing rain on Sunday.

The last few pages of the thread took a weird turn while I was asleep and started talking about swimming parties and lifeguards. We do actually have a pool … (I know I sound like I’m trolling at this point.) There will not be a lifeguard on duty, but as it’s about 12 degrees here so I don’t think anyone will be getting in the unheated pool.

(Am WFH today because DS has a high fever and power-chucked in the hallway last night while I was making cupcakes at 10pm for the sodding school fundraiser. As DS coughed in my face while he spreadeagled across my bed, I did think wistfully of one poster on the last thread who thought I was probably a cashed up career woman who barely saw her kids.)

Yes, what are all you people doing at a 6yo's birthday party. Let them be 6! They don't need mum looking over them. I find it very odd. ( obvious mumsnet exclusion for ND and kids allergic to make-up and ponies 🙄)

You clearly are, even if your purpose is to provide the clownery.

I’m interested in the threads, and as such can’t exactly avoid your posts. Would that I could.

And no, I don’t care to any more than OP does.

I think this thread (or threads) have highlighted one thing really: how worryingly high anxiety levels are amongst many parents in the UK now. If at all this should be a thing to reflect on but I doubt this ever happens on MN which is a haven for people to reinforce each others neuroticisms.

At Least We’ve Got Crowded House

hard stare

VanGoSunflowers · Today 09:50
"Some posters really need to read the room and lighten the fuck up"

This. I love the op's sense of humour !

OMG I am married to a kiwi too and your description of kiwi women is SPOT ON (kiwi husband agrees).

Hope the party goes well OP.

So you can't answer me, is that because you secretly agree that it's not safe to leave all those kids in a house with one person looking after them?

Or is it because you're irresponsible too? .... No need to answer, as you'll probably only come up with another daft remark I imagine.

I don't think it's a case of having high anxiety levels at all, and it's definitely not about being neurotic as you so kindly put it.

In my part of the UK we dropped and ran from age 5.

That's great for you but the lack of acceptance that not all kids are like this is the problem here.
Some kids need a bit more support. The other mum asked a couple of fairly basic polite questions and the OP has gotten so riled up about it and started two threads about it. Seems pretty ridiculous.

I am in UK and hosted many parties when my three were little. Can only ever remember one parent staying at one party. It was so unusual that now ,25 years later I can remember her name,what dress the child was wearing etc .
So no it was not common back in the day and I would have hated having all the parents there. Children so much better behaved when parents not present !
OP it was your tone and attitude towards Jemima Mother that I found quite disrespectful. Also I always had a couple of other adults available just to give me a hand with food etc not because there would be a full blown emergency as the drama lamas were saying in previous thread .

But that's not the question posed, it's OP's query or concern, so why on earth should it be yours? She has 9 children attending – this is quite simply not an issue whatsoever.

You are way too invested in the details of 6yo birthday parties of our antipodean friends

I agree with @RosieChardonnay - it was the tone of your opening post OP that felt unkind.

You're clearly very stressed though currently and the build up to birthday parties can really stretch people.

Ok so this is a great question and I actually
spent a bit of time doing DD on the party fairy offering in Auckland (bit of legal lingo there for ya)

So we have previously had Ariel and another year Ana and Elsa and they show up and give the birthday girl a crown and wave their wands and then do face painting but it is actually a clusterfuck bc they can only paint one face at a time, the other kids get bored and run riot and you can’t run any other games at the same time bc little Sienna or Arabella will miss out bc they are being painted up as a lion or a unicorn or whatever.

So I looked for an entertainer who does a show (like magic tricks or whatever) but DD wanted a fairy (societal gender brainwashing) but all the magicians seem to be clowns (sexist) … but I found a fairy magician!!! So the idea is that they all sit down and watch the show at 12 while I put the food on the table, then while they’re still gathered I’ll do pass the parcel and maybe a piñata (although that might be insane) and then they eat + cake at 1.30 and then they are evicted at 2pm on the dot

”Be kind” is usually code for telling women to STFU

Anyone who lived through the Dark Times (4 moth Auckland hard lockdown 2021) never wants to hear that again

this is cultural appropriation!!

I think this has gotten completely out of hand.

The OP obviously has a bad attitude and is maybe not the nicest of people.

Just let her be. She seems very stressed.

15 children actually (including hers) , maybe you should've read the previous thread.

What a prick.
But remember you got your children away from sharing a home with him.
You should be so so proud of yourself.
As they grow they will thrive because of your bravery.
Pricks like him will likely have expectations of contact in later years, but children like yours often provide great karma.
I hope you still keep notes for the day they say No to seeing him and you will have dates and times to lend weight to their decision.
You are a really great woman and mother👏💪.

RosieChardonnay · Today 11:38
"I think this has gotten completely out of hand.

The OP obviously has a bad attitude and is maybe not the nicest of people.

Just let her be. She seems very stressed"

Rather it's certain posters on here who seem overly stressed concerning a 6 year olds party that has nothing to do with them. Not the Op.

The OP set up the thread and asked for opinions. She has now set up a second one!!

I’m right here you know

It really isn’t a two thread worthy issue.
OP hosts a party
invites a kid
kids mum asks to stay
OP says no
other mum says fine ok

that should have been the end of it tbh.

I do believe many kids are way more wimpy pandered to and clingy than in the past and agree with @Lillieloola that this wasn’t as much of an issue years ago. But that is a post for another day.

Um ....

'9 guests have RSVPed of a total of 12 invites'

Perhaps keep your knowledge up to date if you are going to continue to bash OP for no other reason other than you're personal child-adult comfort ratios.