DD6’s party, Jemima’s mother and the clownfairy part 2

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Hi all

After my last post here https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5097890-to-tell-a-mum-of-a-guest-that-she-cant-stay-at-dd6s-birthday-party?page=1

I thought some of you might be interested in an update.

The clown/fairy I had booked ghosted me when I tried to confirm!!!! so for a moment there I was panicking about having no entertainer and felt that the mumsnet curse of hoping that DD had a shitty party would come true!!!!! luckily though, I have found and booked a back up fairy. So that mitigates the clown phobia risk

9 guests have RSVPed if a total of 12 invites (I had guessed 15), 3 TBC. Of the 12, I know 6 mothers (most of them just to say hi to at school). 3 who have RSVPed I couldn’t pick out of a line up. So far no other parents have asked to stay. Or indeed asked for any other details (or an “plan”)about the party.

Forecast is for pissing rain on Sunday.

The last few pages of the thread took a weird turn while I was asleep and started talking about swimming parties and lifeguards. We do actually have a pool … (I know I sound like I’m trolling at this point.) There will not be a lifeguard on duty, but as it’s about 12 degrees here so I don’t think anyone will be getting in the unheated pool.

(Am WFH today because DS has a high fever and power-chucked in the hallway last night while I was making cupcakes at 10pm for the sodding school fundraiser. As DS coughed in my face while he spreadeagled across my bed, I did think wistfully of one poster on the last thread who thought I was probably a cashed up career woman who barely saw her kids.)

Happy to see this Seinfeld-esque non-update, OP. I was having a really bad day when I read your other thread and your responses had me howling with laughter. Particularly liked 'I'm not in your jurisdiction, Daisy, you'll never catch me.' 😂

I'm weirdly invested in this saga now. Is it wrong to hope that the ghosting clown-fairy shows up unexpectedly and there's an entertainers-at-dawn scenario?

The last thread did go to a pretty mad place. I do think that cultural differences around when you start dropping-off played a big part, though. DS is about to turn 6 and I expect that every child coming to his party will have a parent staying with them, or someone else's parent who has agreed to take them - I've never yet been to a drop and run party. I think it might be easier for some posters to see where OP was coming from if they imagine that the children were 9, and easier for the OP to understand some of the reactions if she imagined the children were 3.

The last thread was hilarious. You really riled people op. I think they lost the moral high ground when they started wishing bad party vibes on your 6 year old however.

I thought your approach was just a bit mean spirited - even if you were overall absolutely within your rights to prefer no parents staying - totally understand that.

The way you messaged straight back - saying you can't stay but she can just not come! I think that was mean - sorry, maybe you don't agree but - we are all part of a community and at 6 it's within the bounds of normal for SOME children to be clingy and want mum in a new environment.

I would have said - I'd prefer to just have the kids but if she really needs you then of course. no big deal.

I agree with this. My son has an incredibly active social life - between his pals at school, football and the neighbours, someone always seems to have a birthday - I don't attend. And he wouldn't want me to (would probably cramp his style).

You did say that, yes. Although that was only after people were disagreeing with you.

Also, anyone with an ounce of common sense wouldn't even contemplate, in the first place, supervising a party alone for all those kids without enlisting an extra pair of hands.
So, instead of taking the piss out of those of us who think you're irresponsible ( most did on the last thread, so it'll be interesting to see how many do here too if they've also read your previous posts), take note of posters who've also commented on your unpleasant attitude and weird responses for a start.

What's more, you're not really in a position to imply others are the 'clown'

also the snide comment someone made about on mumsnet people presuming everyone has SEN - Not that case - people tend to wonder if a child who has separation anxiety for a party at 6 might have SEn - as plenty of kids do have sen! and that would be an indicator.

my 9 year old is autistic - and would need me at a strangers house - but you could easily not know that unless I told you. It's just kind to think there might be other issues at play - and totally mean to exclude the kid without saying 'if she is particularly anxious etc do stay but I think I can manage the kids without adults'

Genuine question, do you cater for the parents? The last thread I started on parents and siblings at parties descended into chaos 😂

Make sure jemima has a good day, op!

8 year olds are A LOT more able to look after themselves than 5/6 year olds.

But that would have been a lie, she didn’t want her to stay.

The etiquette where I am is that normally if it's a hall or a your own home you'd give them tea or coffee, maybe some biscuits. If it's a soft play or other sort of venue where they can buy their own drinks then nothing.

I think it might depend on how well the parents know each other. At our little village school everyone stayed for 5th birthdays, some stayed some not for 6th. 7th only those with additional needs seemed to have their parents stay. 8th not a single person, and it would have been thought really strange if they did, its generally a much smaller group by then. Those that stayed for 6th were due to the parents wanting to chat, rather than their children needing them at all.

From 6 my daughter was going away over night with her Rainbows group without us, so she could definitely manage a 2 hour party without me. And lots of her classmates are the same with Rainbows and Beavers, they are a really confident sociable group of children, and value that bit of independence from their parents.

We are in UK, for context. I know OP isn't. I wouldn't be anti a parent staying if they felt their child needed them, but it wouldn't be thought strange if they didn't.

I wasn’t implying others were the clown Daisy, I was implying that you were the clown

Parents will be offered birthday cake at the end! And whatever sausage roll or fairy bread detritus is still going. Am not a complete philistine

Some posters really need to read the room and lighten the fuck up

Ah yes, that comment by the OP was aimed at me.
I'm glad it made you howl with laughter, I mean, how could it not make you laugh?

I always howl at responses which are ridiculous and make absolutely no sense what soever, and which come from someone who can't answer a basic question.

Maybe you should get out more if you 'howl' at something like that 🙄

@TorroFerney it's not a lie to be mildly flexible in order to be inclusive- you can say 'id rather just have kids without parents but if you need to stay then do'. its a kids party not the be all and end all of everything.

I am a philistine, clearly, as I wouldn't necessarily expect to provide cake to parents! For DS's party it's actually a joint one (felt that was unnecessary detail earlier) so we're doing cupcakes rather than one big cake - and I haven't ordered enough for parents, so they will be out of luck on this occasion! I have ordered enough extra that any siblings can have one, as I don't want to make a toddler cry. If it's a big cake and clearly loads spare after the kids then it gets offered round the parents. Maybe this is part of the cultural difference - I'd totally expect to have parents present for 6 year olds, but because of that no one would expect to be hosted as that would be a big ask for 20 parents.

Why

See I feel like if parents are there in my home they are guests too

I also feel if Jemima Mother is the only other adult there either
(a) she would feel compelled to offer to help and that would be annoying bc she can’t really as she doesn’t know here anything is, and we don’t know each other so it will be awkward or
(b) she wouldn’t help and then her mere presence would annoy me while I am busy running the party

Also as previously noted there is not enough room

Open plan kitchen, dining, living, table will be set up with food, I will be in the kitchen, ClownFairy will be running entertainment from the lounge area

Disobedient children will be thrown in the pool. (Fully fenced, compliant with the Fencing of Swimming Pools Act 1987)

My dear no nonsense Kiwi is back! You won't believe how excited I was!!

Can we be besties? Please?🤓

Plot twist - the new fairy you've hired is Jemima's mum

But you haven't answered the pivotal question either Daisy...

Are you a health and safety inspector?

Yes
No