To think this is neglectful parenting?

[MissB77778]

My 2 year old sleeps at her dad's house every other weekend. She has absolutely no routine there, is allowed to stay up until whatever time she wants and often misses nap times. Her mealtimes are also all over the place. I know this because my ex has told me that he struggles to stick to the routine I have in place for her when she's with me, as he "cannot force her to sleep when she doesn't want to"

When my ex dropped DD off last night, I asked him about how her day was. He then proceeded to proudly tell me he let her "sleep in until 12pm" and she didn't have a bath until 1pm. Meaning that by the time my child got ready for the day she had been in the same nappy since the evening before and had already missed breakfast and lunchtime.

I do not want my DD to go back there because I believe he is being a neglectful parent. I need some outside opinions as I've thought about it too much and am now questioning if this is a dramatic response.

I don’t think what time the bath is matters, but it seems very odd for a 2 year old to sleep in that long. My two are past that age, but they never slept in past 8.30 - and it was more like 6.30 most days!

Only if there were signs of nappy causing irritation and I'd think at 2, DD would wake-up and make a fuss if it hurt or she was hungry

He has a different parenting style to you but I'm not sure in neglectful

I’d be worried that she actually woke up earlier than 12 and he ignored her

He's finding his feet

You can't stop contact over that.

I don't think you can stop contact for that.

It's not ideal, but it's not neglect either.

I'm in a situation where my dds go to their dads and he is a very different parent than me, so I sympathise, but you just need to learn to let it go, as long as dd is safe. He's probably just trying to get a reaction.

This!
I have never heard of a 2 year old that would sleep so late. Even if mine went to bed extremely late they would still be up with the larks for their breakfast.
Just a thought, I don't suppose your ex smokes weed/drinks heavily by any chance?

Of course it's not neglectful if ONCE your DC slept in until noon. She could've been unwell or up five times in the night.

You don't like that he doesn't do what you would do. But it's not neglectful to have a different parenting style.

You said he doesnt have a routine. If she didn't go to bed until midnight then she would be normal night sleep as such one nappy.

I know it would drive me insane as I'm a creature of habit but I don't think it's neglect

Thanks all for responses

Sorry, didn't have a crystal ball to tell me that my long term partner would become abusive and leave me mid pregnancy. 🙃

People like you are really ignorant.

Judgemental and rude !

It's shit but I don't think it would be enough to justify to a court why you stopped contact.

Oh if only every woman who ends up a single parent had given proper thought to with whom she procreated

I would wonder what time she went to bed to end up getting up at 12pm. Also if she went to bed so late how did she manage to stay awake unless he let her nap in the evening. Mine just used to fall asleep wherever they were if they were ready for bed.
It's not really neglectful parenting as such but it's not very thoughtful if it ends up upsetting her.

That's nowhere near enough for a court to stop access. So you can withhold contact but if he takes it to court, you'll be ordered to make her available for contact with him at least every other weekend.

I would be really unhappy about a complete lack of structure and not working with you to keep at some routines etc the same. It’s so difficult and one of the hardest things about no longer being in a relationship with your child’s other parent. You have to really let go of control and it can be heartbreaking.

i would say to keep an eye on things, see how it goes for a while and keep communicating with him if you can and hopefully things will settle down. If he’s showing your child love and keeping her safe, they really are good things too and her having a positive relationship with both parents is so good for her.

Does he live on his own? Does she have a bedroom at his place? Does he have any family nearby supporting him at all?

The bar for dads is so bloody low isn’t it? Sorry op, not acceptable.

Does your dd have nappy rash? Is there any sign of physical neglect, or does he just have a different approach to parenting.

Is she happy, fed and clothed?

I don't see any reason for withholding contact.

Always the woman's fault.

OP it's not good parenting and it's not the parenting I'd want for my DC, so you have my sympathies but it doesn't sound neglectful.

Thank you for your kind, understanding response.

He lives with his mom and no, she doesn't have a bedroom. I have no idea where she sleeps.

Maybe neglectful was the wrong word, but I don't think this is a case of "a different approach to parenting"... I think it is completely lazy parenting to not bother to even attempt to have a routine for your toddler. Shocked that many of you don't agree tbh, but thanks for your opinions nonetheless

While it's not ideal, it's also not neglect. There's no law that says children have to sleep, eat and have baths at specific times.

Sorry but if this was a man saying this about a woman and that she parented like this every day there would be no way people would harp on about “different parenting styles”. People would be saying how lazy and neglectful she was. Missing two meal times because he can’t be bothered to put her to bed at a half reasonable hour for her age and twelve hours or more in the same nappy is appalling. If she’s in a routine with you then he can get her into a routine at his place as well. Lazy, shit parenting on his behalf that totally undermines the hard work and structured routine that you put it place. Sadly, I don’t think there’s much that can be done. Speak to the HV if you still have one and log your concerns and go from there.