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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

There's no such thing as an independent female

331 replies

Yoyodiet · 16/06/2024 23:35

I'm so wound up! Earlier, DP said to me he thinks I would benefit from signing up to Andrew Tate's academy course or whatever it is (I like learning about making money online, more out of interest than actually doing it myself). I said probably, but I wouldn't want to fund him as I don't like him. He asked why and I said he's not very nice to/about women. He was aghast and we went back and forth, defending him for the most part when I was reading bits off to him from a BBC article to prove my point. I read the following -

In that same video, he described women as "intrinsically lazy" and said there was "no such thing as an independent female".

...and he was like 'yeah, no women can be independent, you need men'. I couldn't believe it! I won't bore you with the heated discussion that ensued but he genuinely believes that not just I would crumble without a man (him), but all women on the planet if men suddenly disappeared. We would apparently perish in good time because we 'cannot hunt, do electrics, fix a roof or change a tyre'. (To add insult to injury I have qualifications in electrical installation and engineering, I'm pretty sure I could also change a tyre if push came to shove).

Also, I said I think there would be less wars without men - he said there'd me more because women are bitchy?? I said I'm pretty sure men have started a lot more wars than women in history. He pointed in my face and told me women didn't even fight in wars til recently. I reminded him that men made those rules.. 😂

He genuinelyyyyyy believes I'd fall apart without him. Our relationship has been rocky lately but this really made me see a different side to him. He really made me feel like a lesser person and it's made me feel really disappointed since. AIBU to be lying in bed awake stewing over this???

OP posts:
RedYellowPinkGreenPurpleOrangeBlue · 16/06/2024 23:37

If you have no children together I would fuck him off TBH. What a fucking tit. 😆

RitaFromThePitCanteen · 16/06/2024 23:38

Sounds like he's a disgusting misogynistic. I couldn't be with someone that puts down women in order to feel better about himself.

OneTC · 16/06/2024 23:38

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SocksAndTheCity · 16/06/2024 23:39

Yeah, the stupid is strong with this one.

Itllfalloff · 16/06/2024 23:39

Wow. What an arsehole. Don’t have kids with that misogynistic, thick as mince idiot.

HappyCompromise · 16/06/2024 23:40

Wow. Run

PTSDBarbiegirl · 16/06/2024 23:41

If you don't have kids get him to fuck now, if you do have kids see a lawyer. He sounds like the easily led type who you can do without.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 16/06/2024 23:41

You could argue there is no such thing as an independent human, we are all inter-dependent upon each other in some way. That's what a society is. Unless you have some massive fucking off grid homestead in the middle of nowhere. But yes. If you have no kids fuck him off!!

Catsmere · 16/06/2024 23:42

He's shown what misogynistic filth he really is. He thinks (I use the word loosely) you would "benefit" from the rantings of a rapist and sex trafficker? Get rid of him, he's just another MRA who wants a bangmaid.

ShowerOfShites · 16/06/2024 23:42

Have you literally just met your husband?

If not, surely his shit comes as no surprise?

Shortfatsuit · 16/06/2024 23:42

So he is a misogynist arsehole but you've never seen any sign of this in him previously? Do you think he has been sucked into misogynist shit online, given that he is referring to Andrew Tate?

I couldn't be with a misogynist man, personally. This would be the end of the relationship for me.

Gcsunnyside23 · 16/06/2024 23:44

Id make it very clear that in no way are you dependant on him. I would have lost a bit of respect for him for holding Andrew Tate up as a poster boy

shellyleppard · 16/06/2024 23:44

What an ignorant man!!!! I'd be kicking him out and showing how independent I really am!!! I refuse to speak that mans name in my house. The bloke is a horrible person

ShowerOfShites · 16/06/2024 23:45

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TheMarzipanDildo · 16/06/2024 23:45

I think the main issue with Tate is that he’s a sex trafficker tbh. Kind of says it all.

user1471453601 · 16/06/2024 23:47

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Temushopper · 16/06/2024 23:48

You are absolutely not being unreasonable and would also be perfectly reasonable to demonstrate how wrong he is by telling him to fuck right off out of your life and then to fuck off just a little bit more. I realise it’s not always that straightforward but your disappointment and anger is fully understandable.

Thirdsummerofourdiscontent · 16/06/2024 23:49

Andrew Tate is a sex trafficking rapist. No respect for women at all. I would rather be alone than with a man who share those values.

Yoyodiet · 16/06/2024 23:49

We've been together 9 years and we have two children, a DS and a DD. Honesty this has shocked me to the core, when we met I was doing my engineering apprenticeship and he was super impressed with my achievements and prospects. He's pretty much chipped away at my confidence and self esteem since (recently realised) but I never saw it in a misogynistic light. Perhaps it has been? It makes me worried for my DC's.

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jessicalovejoy · 16/06/2024 23:49

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StarDolphins · 16/06/2024 23:50

My ex was like this (Andrew Tate, Russell brand, Covid scam, new world order, ‘real men’ , women shouldn’t be playing football etc. 4 years later, I’m thriving, happy & totally self reliant. He’s trying to reconcile.

Anyone that sticks up for AT is a dick.

Stompythedinosaur · 16/06/2024 23:51

Jesus Christ, I could not be with a man who had such an obvious lack of respect for me. Or who was dim witted enough to give money to a disgusting peadophile who tells him he's a big manly alpha man.

There's no real way back from it.

RobinHood19 · 16/06/2024 23:52

Is it the first time he has voiced these opinions of his? Or is there a backstory of him slowly becoming like this over the years?

How scary. Not just for your son, but for your daughter as well. I often see women who are happy to defend misogyny and can’t help but wonder if it was all so normalised during their childhood that they believe it’s okay to think of women as second-tier citizens.

Shortfatsuit · 16/06/2024 23:53

What are you doing to do, OP?

Stompythedinosaur · 16/06/2024 23:53

Imagine him telling your dd she cannot be an independent woman.

Should give you the rage to get shot of his useless arse.

Then you can demonstrate how much you don't crumble in his absence.

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