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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

There's no such thing as an independent female

331 replies

Yoyodiet · 16/06/2024 23:35

I'm so wound up! Earlier, DP said to me he thinks I would benefit from signing up to Andrew Tate's academy course or whatever it is (I like learning about making money online, more out of interest than actually doing it myself). I said probably, but I wouldn't want to fund him as I don't like him. He asked why and I said he's not very nice to/about women. He was aghast and we went back and forth, defending him for the most part when I was reading bits off to him from a BBC article to prove my point. I read the following -

In that same video, he described women as "intrinsically lazy" and said there was "no such thing as an independent female".

...and he was like 'yeah, no women can be independent, you need men'. I couldn't believe it! I won't bore you with the heated discussion that ensued but he genuinely believes that not just I would crumble without a man (him), but all women on the planet if men suddenly disappeared. We would apparently perish in good time because we 'cannot hunt, do electrics, fix a roof or change a tyre'. (To add insult to injury I have qualifications in electrical installation and engineering, I'm pretty sure I could also change a tyre if push came to shove).

Also, I said I think there would be less wars without men - he said there'd me more because women are bitchy?? I said I'm pretty sure men have started a lot more wars than women in history. He pointed in my face and told me women didn't even fight in wars til recently. I reminded him that men made those rules.. 😂

He genuinelyyyyyy believes I'd fall apart without him. Our relationship has been rocky lately but this really made me see a different side to him. He really made me feel like a lesser person and it's made me feel really disappointed since. AIBU to be lying in bed awake stewing over this???

OP posts:
stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 17/06/2024 07:30

Your a qualified engineer and he thinks you “can’t do electrics” and couldn’t survive without him? Is he a bit thick?

StarDolphins · 17/06/2024 07:30

EmeraldRoulette · 17/06/2024 00:47

Does he still believe those things? Just wondering if he is trying to reconcile while still holding some of those views.

Yes still believes them while trying to convince me how great he is!

Stinkerantibiotic · 17/06/2024 07:33

My mind is boggling how anyone can marry someone without knowing this very obviously intrinsic part of their character?

Did you not notice?
These men don't really hide these views...

BiscuityBoyle · 17/06/2024 07:36

I only hope that you are a MRA troll getting screen shots, otherwise it means that you have been with this bellend for 9 years.

I wonder how he would have got on birthing those children on his own?
How often does he hunt and plop a deer on the kitchen table?
When did he last mend the roof?

We are all co dependent on each other. There is a lot I can’t do that I rely on others to do.

I would be refusing to do anything around the house and let him cope on his own. I’d also be filing for divorce.

Euro24 · 17/06/2024 07:38

I think he's got a point in that we'd be screwed without men but we'd be screwed without women, too!!!

As a species, men and women need each other.

I think he is getting down the rabbit hole of the red pill, just another idiot who is unable to grasp nuace BUT I also think you're being a bit thick to not get that he is not talking about individuals here.
I mean so what if you've done stuff on your own? This does nothing to negate the fact that men - as well as women-are necessary.

Carebearsonmybed · 17/06/2024 07:39

Dump
Dump
Dump
Dump

Stinkerantibiotic · 17/06/2024 07:39

@BiscuityBoyle oh no, I didn't read there were children! Christ, why would you put your kids through that.

mitogoshi · 17/06/2024 07:40

@Yoyodiet

Let your misogynist dh know that some women not only can "do electrics" but can design and build complex machinery, others, my dd can repair, in charge of a department of staff, very complex equipment that protects our nation, the armed forces have many senior female engineers! Oh and they all are trained to use guns too so I'm sure they could hunt! I can change a tyre and have gone up the ladder to repair my roof!.

Carebearsonmybed · 17/06/2024 07:41

Oh no you have DCs with him!

Please don't let them be influenced by him!

It sounds like he's been radicalised online.

Ultimatum time: quit AT et al or you leave.

Dontbeabitterlemon · 17/06/2024 07:42

What an utter knob head he is.

Stinkerantibiotic · 17/06/2024 07:42

A boy and a girl are growing up with this as a role model.
How could you not have seen this? He can't do much parenting or you'd have noticed. Maybe that's part of the point.

Keepthosenamesgoing · 17/06/2024 07:43

OP the problem is that when you speak to people like this, telling them AT is wrong/misogynistic etc doesn't work.
You're going to have to handle this quite carefully I think.
I'd focus on the DC. This is a bad influence on both

GalacticalFarce · 17/06/2024 07:43

It's really just to boost his own ego. He thinks he's so much better than you because he's in the big, strong group.

Humanity needs both men and women. Women are not as physically strong as men so yes, some jobs are better done by men.
The way society is set up these days, women can be totally independent and often are, because many men are inadequate when it comes to a family set up.
It's concerning that he's spent years chipping at your confidence op. He's not a good man for you and those actions, along with those views is something for you to think about.

Dontbeabitterlemon · 17/06/2024 07:44

Has he got mummy issues?

AgileMentor · 17/06/2024 07:44

Please the only time I’ve ever actually NEEDED man was to make my children (we are still together but he isn’t an AH like the ops). I think you need to remind him that he’s there because you CHOSE him not because you NEED him

OrangeCrushes · 17/06/2024 07:45

Particularly in light of the further information you have shared, YWBVU not to LTB.

Conniebygaslight · 17/06/2024 07:45

Sounds like he's being brainwashed and was just the right candidate for it. Other than the rubbish he's spouting, the pointing in your face is not OK....

Starseeking · 17/06/2024 07:45

This man is telling you who he is; a gross misogynist. Listen to him, and leave.

Combattingthemoaners · 17/06/2024 07:46

He sounds thick as pig shit. I wouldn’t even bother arguing with someone so stupid.

eish · 17/06/2024 07:49

Yeah, I’d be walking out.

2021x · 17/06/2024 07:49

hmmmm… I find the only men that listen to AT are very insecure about their place in the world. It’s very seductive to hear that the reason you feel like shit about yourself is because the world is treating you badly.

You said you have been rocky recently is this related to when he stated listening to him?

JassyRadlett · 17/06/2024 07:50

Oh OP, I'm so sorry about this.

I really, really hope that you don't put up with his put downs and misogyny any further and the conversation tonight ends with you saying: "ok, so you don't think women can be independent. Let's test the theory. Time for you to go."

ProjectEdensGate · 17/06/2024 07:53

The men who buy into this shit are men who have no self esteem and need to put women down in order to make themselves look better. If they valued themselves and their own position in society, they wouldn't feel so threatened by women.

Thereislightattheendofthetunnel · 17/06/2024 07:53

I would just show him how independent women are starting by leaving him.

What an idiot.

TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment · 17/06/2024 07:54

Anyone who pointed his finger in my face would not get close enough ever again.