All I wanted when I got home from hospital was to be looked after by my dh

[Braindump09]

I've had an op.
Got home today. No drinks made for me. No dinner offered. He did ask once if I needed anything. That was asked as I was carrying the washing.i took delivery of the supermarket shop this afternoon. Put it all away. The op wasn't heart surgery but it was still quite a big one.i was under for 2 hours.
Feeling sad tonight

They are mostly cunts.

Sorry you are struggling.

I think you should not have done the washing or shopping.
"I am feeling crap please do the washing/shopping"

That's appalling, OP, I'm so sorry. I hope when you recover from your surgery you will be able to put a plan in place for support and care if and when you might need it again. If he is usually like this I would stop looking for bread at a hardware shop.

Does he understand what you’ve been through and what the recovery involves?
If not, make sure he does! If he still doesn’t get it…. You’ve got a problem
Good luck with your recovery

Take yourself off to bed and rest..if you are up and about men/children tend to assume normal service is resumed..I advise my patients to change into PJs as if fully dressed you look ok and are therefore assumed to be ok. Im sorry you haven't been looked after in the way you deserve..

I’m sorry.

I think you need to tell him. Perhaps seeing you putting away the shopping and the washing means he sees you as feeling better than you are. Just be blunt about needing help and to be looked after.

Stop doing things
Go to bed
Ask him to make you food and drinks

Good god! This is really inexcusable. Seriously people offer more love to their injured pets thsn this man offers you. Dump him.

He was in bed when the shop arrived.
If I hadn't answered the door, the delivery wouldn't have happened. I also had to wash school uniform for tomorrow. Watching the football tonight at home. He's had a drink - or 10- and screaming profanity at the TV and in the garden for the neighbours to all hear. I've come to bed in tears

I'm so sorry you feel so down, yes he definitely should have known you needed him to do these things- it was thoughtless of him not to care for you more. Be blunt, if he sees you soldiering on then it seems as if you don't need support- tell him what you need. If he is generally a kind and caring man then he will provide it.

Why did you do the washing and take int he shopping? Maybe he saw that and thought you were ok. You need to tell him you’re not ok, need food made and go to bed.

That was asked as I was carrying the washing.i took delivery of the supermarket shop this afternoon. Put it all away.

If you lie down on the floor, people will walk on you.

Did you say, "the washing needs done and the shopping needs put away and I'm just out of surgery". I'm sorry your DH is too much of an arse to do it without being asked. But that means you have to ask. Or leave. I'd leave.

Oh op, you poor thing💐that even made me sad!

Does he know what the op
entailed? As in, he doesn’t think it’s an everyday quick & common op? If so, shame on him. Can you just not do anything, like, just sit in the sofa & rest? How would that go?

X-posted with this. Leave the lazy drunk.

This. Why are you doing these things. Go to bed

You are not being unreasonable.

My late husband had hemiparesis following a stroke. I got home, following a day op. DH disappeared; I thought he'd gone to the loo.

He came back through to the living room, carrying a cup of tea for me. The effort it took for him to do that. God, I miss that man.

Your husband needs to step up.

Oh god I'm sorry. When you're better can you leave him?

Gosh, scrap my last reply. He’s grim😱 tell him to buck up immediately or I would def leave. He sounds awful.

This is so sad, I'm sorry. I understand why you did those things - it sounds like the household would not function if he was being relied upon. Your child needed a uniform and the family needs to eat. But can you see how crazy that all sounds? You can't rely on your own dh to do the bare minimum to keep things moving? What is the point of him?

Oh OP that’s just so really disappointing. He’s really awful and you are not obliged to keep him. i hope you feel better soon x

So did you tell him what needed doing this afternoon ? Yes it wound be great if he was proactive to know by himself but you also know that's not the case.

H the shop is due between 1-2 you'll need to take it in and can you put some uniform on wash as the kids need it for tomorrow...... Oh and tea and toast would be nice i need to recover my strength.

What a twat.
I had this OP ..ex used to ignore me when i was ill, service had to carry on regardless by me. I came down with bacterial pneumonia (asthmatic) and he barely acknowledged how ill i was, i couldn't do anything anyway. I had a severe allergic reaction once, blue lights the lot, he just stood staring at me whilst i was on the floor gasping for breath... luckily DD was there to ring ambulance. None on the gear and still no idea.

OP...he knows youd have done all that because the kids, food, uniform etc.
However, he needs talking to seriously...if he dismisses it, you have bigger problems xxxx

From the first post I could tell he’s a waste of space ☹️.

I'm sorry you’re experiencing this and hope you have some other source of support. Look after yourself 💐.

I personally couldn't watch dw doing any of that after coming out of hospital nope I would have made sure she was comfy,fave stuff on telly and whatever she wanted....it's not hard to do.

He’s a useless selfish man. LTB