All I wanted when I got home from hospital was to be looked after by my dh

[Braindump09]

I've had an op.
Got home today. No drinks made for me. No dinner offered. He did ask once if I needed anything. That was asked as I was carrying the washing.i took delivery of the supermarket shop this afternoon. Put it all away. The op wasn't heart surgery but it was still quite a big one.i was under for 2 hours.
Feeling sad tonight

FFS, it’s a forum for women, if we want to say men are bellends, we can.

Most people with an ounce of common sense know we don’t mean every single man.

@Braindump09 I’m sorry your relationship has come to this. I don’t know if your dh has always been like this from the start as some pp are suggesting. But I have been in relationships when the man treats me like a person of value at the beginning (or first couple of years) then at some point turns into how you have described your husband’s behaviour.

I don’t know if it’s because they want to end the relationship but are too cowardly to just come out and say it, so they behave increasingly badly until you get fed up and end it yourself. Or if it is because of a mentality that once I’ve put the effort into attracting you and convincing you to commit long term then I don’t have to bother anymore (I did my bit!).

Oh I’m sorry OP, he sounds really selfish. :( Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I can only think that if you are doing that stuff, he probably assumes you’re okay to do it. Some men are not trained by the world around them to think about anyone besides themselves a bit slow on the uptake and don’t consider other people’s needs unless they are spelled out clearly. Quietly playing the martyr will get you nowhere with someone like this as they will keep taking until you stop giving.

I would have a serious conversation with him about his actions, how they made you feel, and about how he needs to step up with the housework so that you can recover.

Same here! My experience is, thankfully, the complete opposite! How can you speak for the majority of women! There’s millions of us!

What a prick he is OP. Is this normal for him?

Martyring yourself is not the answer here. Get well soon.

Get well soon. You should have opened the door to the delivery asked that they wait whilst you got the twat up. Then told him to put it away.

He is awful.
You are enabling it.
I'd have let them put the food shop inside the door.
Woken him up and told him it needs putting away and the kids uniforms need washing and drying.
Stay in bed today and tell him to sort the kids out. Tell him when youd like lunch and what youd like.
Ditto for dinner.

She didn't say she was shocked. She said she is sad about it. She's allowed to be sad and angry that her husband is such a dick, no matter how long he's been a dick.
It seems to me you might be looking for a way to blame her, because how long he's been like this isn't relevant here. The point is that she should face the reality that he is a dick and leave him.

I don’t need anything pointing out to me. I know sooooooo many women who are absolutely exhausted because their partners don’t help enough. My previous therapist also spoke about this with her years of experience in couples’ therapy. Women are sick to death of doing everything.

OP I totally understand why you feel so sad. It would be lovely to be looked after following an operation. To set down the mental load and rest, concentrating on recovery.
If he can’t help can you ask a friend/relative to come over? Make sure you rest properly 🌹

I think you meant to quote me, but thanks :)

I completely get Op as i know so many women whose partners were total shit after their c sections. No intuition to help.

Omg. Now you tell me about the football behaviour. Why on earth?
My abusive brother screams at the football drunk. It's absolutely disgusting

He's an arsehole...'tis all 💐

How do people like your DH sleep at night? Why is it men who so often behave this way? Even if their mums have molly-coddled them they must know it's so heartless, and selfish?

He's obviously a completely useless waste of space. But I think you need to speak up and tell him he needs to do x, y and z.

If he still failed to anything I'd be questioning this 'partnership' altogether.

Men are cunts. Mine is the same when I'm ill . Don't even get a cup of tea offered

I voted YABU because you have let this happen.

He asked if you needed anything at which point you tell him you need to rest to recover and this is what needs to be done including being around to take in shopping delivery and the washing.

So yes he is in pig as someone else said but you are enabling him.

Can't get wound up by him watching the football really. It's the first Euros match and most households would be watching. I cam see why it pisses you off though because you let him walk all over you the rest of the day and that has wound you up -not the fact he is watching it.

Why are you staying with this selfish man - if you keep putting up with it he’s won’t respect you. Don’t be a martyr- you won’t be thanked -=

This happened to a friend and for her was the final straw .
Nice guy but clearly he had no respect for her when he couldn’t step up when needed and she realised relationship was dead . They divorced a year later .

I'd say to him, that you were heartbroken at his behaviour. Ask him if he actually loves you or are you just the cook/cleaner/sex provider?He shouldn't treat someone he loves like that. Has he always been like that?

You have my sympathy 🩷

Your dad sounds a wonderful man and you’re right- that’s what the OP deserves.
I wish your mom a good recovery.

For me the worst red flag is the drinking. I'm not anti alcohol or a MN we only have a sherry on Christmas day type but he had a bucket full when you needed him so that's the arsehole selfish behaviour 💐

This.

Its no use expecting them to figure this stuff out by themselves, you have to spell it out in clear terms, 'I will need you to do all this shit while I recover from my operation'. Pin a list to the fridge for good measure.