Things you miss from before having kids

[Smellslikechikenoutthere]

Very very happy to be a mum, like my life now in a different way and wouldn’t change it..,BUT…occasionally crave the things in my old life and hope to one day do them again

1). Lying in and sleeping properly
2). Coming downstairs only me and Ddog , to quiet, whatever I want on the tv/radio and only having to think about making myself a coffee
3). Drinking wine in the sun on my balcony, reading a book or listening to music..spending hours relaxing there until sunset and the stars come out..then crashing on my bed in a lovely drunken haze (barely drink these days as feel awful afterwards)
4). Doing what I want and when I want to
5). Spending rainy weekends lay on a sofa watching films all day and trashy tv
6). Making only food for myself and not having to cook full, heathy meals
7). Going to festivals and concerts and weekends away
8). Spending money on myself on perfume, bags, books..just whatever I fancy
9). Lying on a sun lounger on the beach, reading magazines, listening to music and drinking cocktails
10). Having proper time and conversations again with Dh

What would yours be?

Will I ever get these back?? Or will I be too old and a different person by then 🙈

Love this! Thanks @ghostyslovesheets!

Same to the clean and tidy house

Not having to plan absolutely everything in advance.

Spontaneity
Freedom

@Smellslikechikenoutthere I think it comes back gradually and is partly what you make it. Mine are 8 and 4 and it's already improving.

1). Lying in and sleeping properly
This morning I was very groggy and asleep so I gave the kids the iPad at 7am and went back to sleep till 9am. sometimes I achieve similar when they spontaneously play together.

2). Coming downstairs only me and Ddog , to quiet, whatever I want on the tv/radio and only having to think about making myself a coffee
Not there yet with this one!

3). Drinking wine in the sun on my balcony, reading a book or listening to music..spending hours relaxing there until sunset and the stars come out..then crashing on my bed in a lovely drunken haze (barely drink these days as feel awful afterwards)
We sometimes do this after the kids go to bed or while they are playing/ reading in their rooms at bedtime. Though not much of a drunken haze as I can drink without feeling it much these days (too much practice!)

4). Doing what I want and when I want to
5). Spending rainy weekends lay on a sofa watching films all day and trashy tv
Miss these two and think it could be a while. Sometimes DH and I manage a day off together during the week but it's a lot shorter and less frequent.

6). Making only food for myself and not having to cook full, heathy meals
The upside of having picky kids is that they live on bread, fruit, and chicken nuggets early in the evening, and we cook for ourselves later on.

7). Going to festivals and concerts and weekends away
Miss weekends away. We have had two, with an overnight nanny, but it's very expensive.

8). Spending money on myself on perfume, bags, books..just whatever I fancy
Do this anyway.

9). Lying on a sun lounger on the beach, reading magazines, listening to music and drinking cocktails
Feel like we will get to this one in a few years when the kids are older and can be trusted not to drown in the sea if you take your eyes off them for two seconds.

10). Having proper time and conversations again with Dh
This we do most evenings after kid bedtime.

We've had a couple of one-night breaks whivh have been amazing, but they require minimum 6 months of planning ahead and I really feel like what I need is about a week of peace😂

Yes! Or make sure you have wipes, snacks,water, sunscreen every time you leave the house!

At least we no longer need nappies and a change of clothes!

Sleep and disposable income

A size 6 figure and perky titties!

I have a really bad hangover and I wish I'd been able to spend the day in bed. Instead I've been to a kids festival and a soft play playdate. Ugh.

Also miss my intact pelvic floor, and because I never have a minute to myself,I never get my physio exercises done, which do really help.

They are 2 and 5.

I miss not knowing what a uterine prolapse is… 😫😫
My boy is 5 and I am looking forward to everything on your list 🙌🏼 gawd knows where my womb will be then mind!

I really miss wandering around the likes of food festivals, agricultural and garden shows, pretty seaside holiday villages, parks or even just the shops in town and being able to get deeply absorbed in looking at something without having to do a constant rolling risk assessment and checking about every eight seconds that nobody has been lost/abducted/run over/fallen from a height/ drowned.

For much the same reason I miss going for long walks on the beach or in woodland alone, lost in thought, at a good pace not small child pace and having to carry their coats, their jumpers and then them. Or with a good friend, talking and talking together for an hour with no interruption. And if it's sunny, lying down on the rocks at the beach, or under a tree at the park, and just dozing off for half an hour knowing I won't be woken up and I'm not responsible for anybody's safety.

I went upstairs and had a wee lie down on the bed to write this post and hadn't quite got to the end of the second paragraph when I heard a wailing small child come thundering up the stairs wanting me to tend to its sore hangnail. Did that, finished the paragraph then the slighter older child came galloping in wanting me to get up and go and admire a jigsaw she has finished. It's sweet and all, but like, just give me five minutes' peace and quiet. Please.

Oh God, a lot. I adore my kids but parenting well is hard. The mess, drudgery and endless meal making is absolutely soul destroying tbh. Today I put on a new cream coloured cardigan, lifted DS from his high chair and he instantly smeared a fistful of broccoli down my front. I honestly could’ve cried.

I mainly miss:

Being a sexual person. Everyone just sees me as a ‘mummy’ now. I miss dating, before DP, and the thrill of being pursued by a man. I used to live in an exciting city and spent quite a few summers dating, I miss the feeling of getting ready on a warm night and the smell of perfume knowing I was off to meet somebody and wondering how it would go.

Like you, eating what I want when I want. I want to wake up and drink coffee at a leisurely pace, simply boil some fancy tortellini for lunch, skip a meal if I can’t be bothered, have the freedom to make dinner at 9pm if that’s what suits my plans. By the time I’ve sorted the kids I rarely bother with myself or just have a banana and a digestive biscuit. Food is no longer fun and I seem to spend about 4 hours a day making it and cleaning up the endless mess, smears, crumbs and stained clothes.

Having a tidy house. This one really gets to me tbh. I’m sick of people telling me to ‘lower my standards’. To what? Dirty plates? Wearing smelly clothes? Crumbs and sticky floors? What am I supposed to be leaving exactly? Mouldy food in the fridge? The mess is endless, it seems utterly impossible to have small children and not have a house you feel frankly embarrassed of. I clean constantly but it’s never enough. Just one meal and it’s all a mess again. I hate it.

Not having to hear my own voice ALL DAY saying the same old shit. ‘Leave your sister/brother alone’ ‘put that down’ ‘be quiet the baby is sleeping’ ‘for the millionth time, no’ ‘you’ve just had a snack’ on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on

Tbh I’m finding it very hard at the moment

I miss the cinema too as a Pp said, just Dh and I, meal first with drinks, then a film. Thought of doing it but would always be clock watching with a babysitter and not sure it’s worth the cost of it all

I miss late Alton Towers

Oh OP hang on in there, I can do all those things now my kids are teens!

What I can't do is have sex without locking doors/being mute as they're always awake/around 😂

Alone time

Not feeling guilty for not doing enough with DD

Not being responsible for or having to consider another being

My youngest is 4, and definitely feel we can get a few of these back soon. No lie-ins but I usually wake up early and come down by myself to enjoy a coffee in peace. No buggies, high chairs, nappies or nap times though!
And the really really crazy thing, she’s going to school in September and after years of SAHM’ing and barely having a minute to myself, I’m just about to get my life back and I’m seriously considering a 3rd! Totally bonkers really but I don’t feel ready for this life stage to end

@Satanzlilhelpa Late at night?

I had the house to myself from Friday evening to this afternoon as DH had taken DD1 (4) and DD2 (2) away.

What I noticed was how lovely and long the two evenings were. Make myself a relaxed dinner and then it's hours before bed, knowing I won't be woken up. Now they're back it's a busy bedtime, and an earlier night in anticipation of an early wake up.

@YellowHairband How amazing, how was it? Was it as good as you thought or did you not know what to do with yourself and missed them 😅

Well I have an exam on Tuesday which was the reason for the weekend to myself. I was mainly getting in some last minute studying so didn't end up not knowing what to do. But it was lovely to wake up naturally, and just go through the day on my own schedule, not anyone else's. Obviously the revising wasn't fun, but just not having to consider anyone else was nice.

You've summed up the changes associated with new parenthood wonderfully OP. Yes, you will be able to retrieve many of the things on your list but in my experience, the role of parenting never leaves you. It makes a huge difference if you have family nearby to support you. Take care !

Headspace.

sleep

my abs

not having to put other people first for ever 😂