To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

Surely, legally they can’t stop you going to a medical appointment? I initially thought you just shouldn’t go, but have read your updates and see you really want to be there.

Dancing, could your work partner do the extra day that week and you do an extra day the next week?

If you called in sick, how would they ever find out the truth? If you’re worried about social media you can change the privacy settings so that people can’t tag you, or just temporarily come off it.
Or you could get signed off by your GP, then there’s no dispute, there’s no rule that says you have to be at home in bed whilst off sick.

I think resigning is a bit extreme, I think there are other ways to get a day off than resign.

A sick day / week, a family funeral, a hospital appointment, parental leave, family issues etc.

I worked in a school for a bit (not a teacher) and I know how inflexible they can be. However, if you like your job/the school in general I wouldn’t quit for a wedding. I’m not sure what that school’s policy was but I would think for a close family wedding, as a teacher, they would have allowed it, but you’d have to
prove it with an invite (you were def allowed time for close family funerals).
Nearly 4 years on and now in a different place completely I’m still in awe of the flexibility my job holds (and being able to take random days off).

Ask for the day off, explain how important it is and If they say no, seem really surprised and bemused by it and say you really have to have that day off reiterate how important it is and if they keep saying no eventually say, is the only way to be off that day for me to resign from my job? That seems a bit extreme. If they say yes you will have to resign then leave, you have nothing to lose if you are willing to resign just spell it out. Is there anyone above the head teacher you could appeal to?

Ask your relative to book their wedding on a Tuesday, weekend or a day during the school holidays. If they really care about you and want you at their wedding then they'd accommodate you.

I would ask for the time off in September. When said no, resign with a heavy heart. In your letter write how much you like the school and you are sorry at this time that it is a choice you have to make. Say you would hope to work with them again as you appreciate... state something slt have done well.

Then look for a part time job starting in january. If by Easter you don't have a part time job, will they advertise yours? You could approach them again.

Any school with places in January maybe flexible for parttime

Are you primary or secondary?

Yeah. This.

Surely you can leave work at 3.20 to attend

Take it as sick

If they find out and discipline you front it out - tell them the work culture is so toxic that there shouldn't be so much approbation taking one day off

They won't/cant fire you over one day off if they can't recruit 🤷‍♀️

Is this an academy school? Very unusual
to not be allowed medical appointments. Have you asked to see their Special Leave of Absence policy?

I guess it's the Catch 22 - they are inflexible because they are so unstaffed, yet understaffed because they are inflexible.
Teaching isn't really one of those jobs that I would imagine can be flexible, they can't just reschedule 30 kids and substitute teachers are expensive and usually mean a dead lesson.
Your options are to either not go or tell your head you are unavailable for work that day. If they are so understaffed and you are usually a good worker, then they'll obviously still refuse, but will they actually sack you. You might get disciplinary, so weigh up what is most important.

Is getting signed off by the GP for one day a thing? Do teachers have different laws about self certifying, I'm not an HR expert but I thought that was the same for everyonr

I wouldn’t resign before first having found another role: PT roles tend to go to ‘incumbent’ team members, you’ve said some schools don’t seem a good place to work, so unless you don’t mind working FT I wouldn’t take on that amount of risk to your income and working life just for one day off.

I might risk lying about being ill if had high confidence of not getting caught out and could do this without too much angst. It’d unlikely to be ‘gross misconduct’, probably written warning territory. but personally I’d worry a lot about it and it’d hang over me and I’d find it hard to relax on the day and on return to work.

So I’d probably miss the wedding. Family would be U to be annoyed about it.

your employer can’t prevent people attending medical appointments - it can be reported as part-day sick leave.

I'm still teaching at 3.20 every day. If anyone is not, they're still not allowed to leave until the end of the school day.

Is that even legal? If you need to a specialist in a hospital you usually can’t pick and choose the appointment day / time.
Or is it because you’re part time it’s expected that you have appointments on your days off? Still, that’s not always possible. I’m under a department at a hospital and the surgeon does clinics on a Tuesday, that’s the only day. I’d literally be dead if my work didn’t allow me time off on occasional Tuesdays to see my surgeon.

If this is the way your work treat you then actually I think YWNBU to resign on the basis that the HT must be a complete prick.

I would tell them you are taking it, as unpaid leave if necessary, because it is a relative's wedding and frankly they are more important to you. I would put it in writing, send with the appropriate amount of notice, and let them make faces all they like. But you ARE going.

Who knows, you might end up causing cultural change in your school when they realise that their strictness is causing people to openly rebel.

If you are going to get married on a Monday, then you must know some people won't be able to attend.

If family can't understand that you're a teacher and time off in the term isn't permitted then that's really not your issue.

I wouldn’t feign sickness as at some point, the school WILL find out that your relative got married.
out of nosiness, what is the school’s policy on attending funerals?

So you want to go... but have you really reckoned up the costs?

Imagine someone is standing in front of you. In one hand they have the wedding. In the other they have the thousands of pounds in salary that you would receive from your current job this spring/summer if you kept it.

Which do you choose?

How would that help of the wedding is not next door to the school and before 3.20?

Don't lie or call in sick. You will be found out via social media or something.

Don't go, or do go and be honest.

I got married on a Monday. It was far cheaper

I don't get this. You're saying that your wider family "wouldn't understand" that you can't just leave your job? Are they really that clueless, and if they are, why do you even care what they think?

In any case, don't you have to serve notice? Even if you do decide to resign over this, you'd be scuppering any goodwill with your employer to give you a positive reference if you don't show up to work on the Monday of the wedding, without their approval.