To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

She could ask that the wedding be rearranged - it's just as sensible as resigning over it

For the wedding to be re-arranged??! What planet are you on? Re-arranged for one person?

So the venue altered, the invites changed, the honeymoon (possibly) changed, the florists /cake maker/hired cars etc etc told to change the date, the bridesmaid/groomsmen/ MOH all having to re-arrange THEIR plans, ALL of the guests changing THEIR plans and the the myriad of other things that go into a wedding - all rea-arranged" because of ONE guest?

Top of the class @midgetastic for the nuttiest thing I have ever seen on MN. And that it after being here 20 years

First class bonkers suggestion 😂😂

I don’t know the answer…. If you’re part time would they allow you to swap days? (Sorry if this has been suggested but you only respond to people so can’t see their suggestions)…
If it’s hours away who would know if you called in sick? Just ask everyone not to tag you in any photos or restrict your social media weeks before so no one can tag you or post on your timeline… or (even better) don’t have colleagues on your SM..
I don’t think I’d risk giving up a job, I know teaching jobs are probably easy to find at the moment BUT I get the impression yours being part-time suits you?!…. You’ve mentioned it once or twice 😂..
If you do go sick… they’d have to prove you weren’t…. And not many would suspect a wedding on a Monday…. Just be careful not to mention it or say it’s the weekend after and share photos the weekend after you’re ‘sick’

See my previous post

Nah, you're ok

The wedding might get cancelled
The might divorce

It's. A. Wedding.

Focus on your job

You can't swap days if you work in a secondary school. Timetabling doesn't work like that.

@TheLadyOfTheFlowers

What the fuck do you think has gone on in the school ? Money has been spent, endless hours spent timetabling , children's education is kind of important, term dates planned several years in advance - so the wedding party could have checked for the clash before they booked

@dancingrainbows

I'm assuming that it's a register office wedding, rather than a church wedding.

You say that the couple are very young - are they in their teens?

I ask because I'm wondering whether you could talk to either the bride or the mother of the bride about the quandary you face. (I'm not sure which of them your husband is related to, so the groom/his parents might be the better choice).

If you are very dear to the couple and it just wouldn't be the same without you, surely they would want to re-book for a day in the week when you would be able to go?

DON`T go 2 the wedding - do U KNOW the divorce rate

Have you asked whether you could have a day off without pay as it's a close relative? Or pay for supply covet?

If your family, including your husband, aren’t being understanding, I’d be asking my employer to put it in writing. Even just email them and ask again, explain the situation, the closeness of the relative, say how much the wedding means to you. Then your employer responds over email saying no, print that and hand it to all the members of your family who don’t “get it” and say your hands are tied.

sounds like u got a token invite and they knew u wouldn’t b able to go, so don’t bother.

This

Who gets married on a Monday? They must be expecting few people to be able to attend. If it's so far away that you can't attend the evening do, does that mean you need Tuesday off too? I can't believe this is even an issue.
The people getting married assuming everyone can drop everything for them are arses.
I assume they're getting significant discounts having a Monday wedding. So they are cheap as well.

I think you might have a dodgy takeaway the night before the wedding, and need to phone in sick @dancingrainbows.

You have missed the obvious option. Skip the wedding and explain why. Not worth losing your job over it.

I am looking at arranging my wedding and if I book it on a weekday I will be booking it during school holidays as I want my grandchildren to be able to attend. I would not expect their parents to take them out of school for this. I would also be fuming if one of my children's teachers had taken time off leaving them with a substitute teacher to attend a relatives wedding. I have worked in schools and time off was not allowed for anything other than illness. Parents get fined for taking their kids out of school! If someone arranges a wedding for a weekday then they have to appreciate that some people won't be able to attend, end of!

EXACTLY they NEED U MORE than U NEED 2 go
Send a Postcard as a RSVP from ANYWHERE basically go on a day trip 2 the coast - get a cheap novelty postcard - SEND them THAT - don`t know if I WILL B back all the best ...

YABU

You're a teacher, you have a responsibility to your kids. Changing teachers part way through an academic year is very unsettling for kids. It's happened to my DD8 a couple of times in the last couple of years and has caused her real problems.

You're a teacher, you know when you enter the profession that time off in term time isn't really okay... if they start fining parents for unauthorised absences then you'd better be dying if you're not at work.

You have plenty enough time off throughout the year without taking a day to go get pissed at a wedding.

YAB MASSIVELY U.

You sound very angry. Are you OK?

Yes, this. Having a Monday wedding seems designed to exclude. Send a gift and apologize in advance, letting her know if you attend you'll lose your job. Maybe she'll think twice about the workday wedding.

If you are happy to resign, and think you will easily find another job, then do that.

However, anyone who chooses to get married on a week day surely has to understand that there will be people who simply cannot get time off work to attend. If these people are unable to accept that a teacher can't just take time off whenever they wish to then they aren't worth making the effort for in my opinion.

My colleague had a request for a day of unpaid leave turned down so she went off on stress and has a sick note till the last day of term.

And everybody (including you it would appear) thinks she is a liar rather than someone who may genuinely need extra support and consideration when she comes back to work. So assuming that her GP isn’t in the habit of handing out lengthy sick notes for no reason, I’m not sure your colleague has done herself any favours here!