To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

I can understand the resentment, especially working for an employer so inflexible. But in that case, go look for another job, you don't need an excuse! You never know, if you find another job quickly you could then resign and still attend the wedding.

Out of Interest, would the school be so inflexible if there was a funeral to attend? Or a planned hospital appointment? Weddings come with so much notice, it's very annoying for them to be so rigid. I would imagine this is a source of low morale among the staff and should be raised

I was going to suggest parental leave. Or work related stress for a week or two. Not great but better than resigning.

They don't even allow that, @EmberAsh outside the essentials or emergencies.
The only way people manage to do it is by getting signed off sick.
My colleague lost both her parents within a fortnight, the only way to cope was for the Dr to sign her off sick.

Ah @TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre but that’s a bit of devils advocate isn’t it? If everyone had said ‘YANBU - go!’ I’d be saying ‘ooh but hang on!’

@SuziQuinto - our head wouldn’t agree to that either. I wasn’t even permitted to come in an hour late one morning when I had PPA first thing so wouldn’t have made a blind bit of difference it’s very frustrating.

if you were looking to move on you’d need to be interviewed correct? Have an interview that day. It’d be easy enough to organise somewhere some distance away about 11.30 am…… or even 12 ish. Two birds. One stone. (Obvs not actually go for an interview….)

Actually reading this. Fuck it. Find a new job. This is not a way to live life.

The only time I would do this is for my own child but I would hope they would check the date was okay with me before choosing it.

A hospital appointment is essential, that is allowed.
Funeral of a close family member is also allowed.

I get it, I love weddings. There's a handful of people in my life that I would feel gutted if I missed their wedding.

I do think you need to really weigh up how important it is to go and what the impact is.

Do a pro/con list about your job, not specifically including the wedding but I guess the inflexibility is a con.

If it's a no to quitting and you can't go to the wedding then I'd have a stock answer prepared for everyone that to go you would have to leave your job, that is the only option and you're sorry but you can't do that.

They might still be disappointed but hopefully will get it a little bit.

@Exasperateddonut That would have more holes than a rabbit warren - which school, why no reference requests, a quick phone call would check that out!

Although you have reminded me that when I was searching for this job I had an interview the week before where I soon realised the school wasn’t for me and very politely withdrew. When I went back the next day and told the principal I’d withdrawn he was very huffy about the fact he’d paid for a days supply. I wished I’d just fibbed and said I hadn’t got it!

Once you decide to quit you have nothing to lose by telling school you want the day off so badly you are prepared to quit to achieve it. See what they say.

We aren’t allowed hospital appointments @SuziQuinto . Only when pregnant as obviously they have to but they bitterly resent it.

Don’t call in sick, we had someone do that, went to a wedding reception, got found out and lost their job.

If you can get someone to swap days and go to the head with a plan which would answer any objections rather than “we’re swapping days” they’re more likely to agree.

As you’re part time, are you in a job share with another staff member, and could you arrange to swap a day with them?

Yep, I’d very happily not go.

That's bad. I thought my place was tight, but they do allow that.

Just go to manager with notice written hand it to them
say upto the them what would they prefer you leave or they give u day off

This. Your relative doesn't care about you.

My mum and DH's best friend are teachers and we got married abroad in the school holidays, pushing up the cost for everyone, because we wanted them to be able to come.

Don't resign.

I would make sure colleagues knew the wedding is coming up but say it’s on the Saturday prior to the Monday in case you end up in wedding pics on Facebook or anything.
Then phone in sick for the Monday and Tuesday (two days are always more convincing 😆).

No way would I risk a job for someone who chooses a date when they know I can’t get a day off
And if that person would happily sit by while you lose a job to please them , then that tells you all you need to know
unbelievable. In principle I’d happily decline .

I would also enjoy asking them if they would prefer you to lose your job , their answers will be telling

I'd lie.
I'd call in sick or make up an emergency.
If an employer creates a situation where its so difficult to ask for a day off as an exception, that's what you get.

This is the case in Ireland already, teachers get EPV( extra personal vacation days) in order to get them they do courses over the summer. It works. They also get allowances for weddings/graduations of immediate family members.

Look, you don't like the school policies but you like your part time job.
If you are confident of getting another job then resign and apply for another job. Or just apply for other jobs now and see how you go.
The school has a rule and they don't want to budge. I kind of get it, how close is "close" relative, what sort of weekday wedding is OK vs not, where does it all end. So they have decided to blanket policy and apply the rules very consistently. To be honest, I prefer that than the alternative which is petition the HT and make individual cases and depending on who the person is etc is allowed or not. It's very frustrating as I am sure you know for parents when teachers are off and kids don't get taught properly that day. Of course I'm sure one day doesn't matter but it's the cumulative effect of everyone having "just one day" on top of illness etc.

But the real question is whether or not you actually don't like this workplace and so want to leave anyway. Resigning over literally a 1 day event and risking not getting another job or getting another one but less convenient etc is kind of crazy. You probably know that.

I’m off on Tuesdays anyway so that’s fine. It’s just the Monday.

I think its utterly bonkers to consider quitting a mostly good job over an in-laws wedding. Or any wedding actually.

It isn't great that your work is so inflexible about leave, but it does sound like the pros of working there outweigh that for now. Yes it's a pity that you would miss the wedding and I'd be disappointed too, but I have a gold dust part time job myself and wouldn't ever consider giving it up over something like that.

Me and DH got married on a Thursday. We knew some people wouldn't be able to come and they didn't, that was a shame but it is what it is and we knew it would happen. If anyone had suggested giving up their job so they could attend I would have thought they'd taken leave of their senses!