To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

I don't think the bride and groom will care - your not a direct close relative. Just apologise and ask for lots of photos of the big day to be sent to you.

I think as a teacher, you generally have to accept that we get far more holidays than most people (yes, I know there's work to do but we have the flexibility to choose when to do that work) and the quid pro quo is that you don't get time off in term time.

How close is the relative. I'd ask for my child's wedding and probably for my parent's or sibling's wedding but for anyone else I would just muss the wedding.

If anybody plans a weekday wedding, they have to accept that not everyone will be able to attend.

@dancingrainbows
If the relative is "so close" and knows you work (like most people!) And are a teacher (!!!) WHY did they book a monday???

We checked multiple dates with all close family members before settling on a date. (ie all immediate relatives and the bridal party)
We as a couple have also had dates checked with us more than once.

I personally think giving up an easy to find FT but hard to find PT job (when you presumably work PT because it works for you / your life) for someone who didnt think enough of you to pick a day when you are available is bonkers

I can't believe you'd quit your job just so you can to go to a wedding of some relative of your DH's, because you're sad thinking about your DH and DC going without you. That's insane!!

In case of a spate of Monday weddings? This isnt about the day of the week, it's the inflexible nature of the school thats causing the issie

I can look @YorkNew but it’s very rare IME anyway for PT roles to be actually advertised. For the most part they start life as FT then are PT.

If people get married on a Monday, are they bothered about people showing up? That's such a random day for a wedding.

This.

What a lot of people do seem to be struggling with is that I actually want to go 😂

OP I understand this is important to you, but it's only one day. Everyone planning a wedding knows that some people won't be able to make it, but even more so on a Monday!

Definitely don't lie, these things have a habit of getting out.

If you resign, you are gambling with your family's routine and stability if you haven't lined up another suitable part time role in advance. Is it worth it for one day? Of course not.

Sounds like your mind is stuck on the people-pleasing options and you're not looking at what you potentially have to lose.

Go to the wedding pre meal on the Sunday then 'oh no would you believe it the car broke down' and you can't get back.

By close relative, so you mean a sibling? I think you should ask for time off to go to a sibling's wedding and your Head Teacher might surprise you and say yes. Has this relative actually booked the wedding? If not then you could tell them your job won't let you take a day off and hope they'll change their minds and choose a weekend?

I know @Step5678 . I think that’s why I am so torn really. Maybe on some level I do want to resign and this is my ‘excuse’? I don’t know. I think the problem is I feel resentment and when that kicks in it’s hard to feel enthusiasm and enjoyment in your job, it becomes tolerating it.

They wouldn’t consent to it @Grapesgrapes , they really are inflexible. And if I do ask for it off and they say no (they will) it means the calling in sick option is out. Arghh.

I would not lose my livelihood for one day. It really is that simple. If they want you to be unemployed just so you can attend, then they don't really like you anyway.

Never understood this madness that pops up as soon as someone says wedding. Every wedding that has happened in my extended family has always involved some kind of falling out over who is or isn't coming.

you would give up your job for a wedding? Anyone getting married on a weekday does so knowing that there will be lots of people who can’t attend.

i absolutely would not resign. Have you asked for a days unpaid leave?

Quitting a job that for what is essentially a social event is madness to me. No matter how much you want to go.

Don't quit then! You'd be crazy to quit.

Well then ask for the day. If refused have your letter of resignation ready to hand over.

Go to the wedding.

Worry about a job afterwards.

If you want to go I'm not sure why you asked advice! Most people have said YABU but you want to go. So go.

Do you "want to go 😂 " more than you want your convenient short commute part time job?

If so... thats your answer.

and you should have led with that.

ie.
Wwyd? i dont really care about my job and financially i'll be fine. There is a wedding i really want to go to and i cant get leave from work. Should I just quit?

You'd get different responses

I was in a similar position with one of my siblings getting on a Friday. It was the 1st week of September.

I approached asking for leave of absence, it was unheard of in those days. I spoke to the Deputy Head and said I would have to resign.

We came to an arrangement that I would pay for a supply teacher for the day. I can't remember the exact details as it was 2000.

I know I 'donated' the cost of the supply teacher to the school funds.
If I remember it was unpaid leave.

It was worth it to keep the peace!
The couple didn't have any understanding that I couldn't just get a day's holiday for the wedding.
They were upset that 2 other teachers didn't come to the wedding.

Try offering to pay for a supply and take unpaid leave.
Good luck.

How close is this relative? If I was in your situation then my brother would choose a weekend or a date that isn't term time. A cousin might not care.

Where I teach is similarly inflexible. The only way to cover it would be to ask colleagues to step up, this is what we do. A woman wanted to go to a weekday wedding, so five of us with free lessons covered the day. Then she repaid us by covering a lesson of ours over the term.
We organise this internally, with the agreement of the Head. That way people can go to a funeral or their child's graduation etc.

In the current market (at least in my country), there is a huge teacher shortage. They need you far more than you need them.

If you would not be in financial distress to miss your income for a month or two, I would let them know that you have family commitments on xyz date and are requesting leave without pay. If they decline this, I would resign.

I am being openly headhunted by two other local schools at the moment. I feel loyal to my classes and colleagues but I am very conscious that I have other options if I no longer feel supported or valued at my current school.

If you can afford to take more than just the Monday off, look into applying for unpaid parental leave. I don't know much about it but I think you have to take 1 week minimum, give a month's notice and it's difficult for employers to decline because it's a government standard. The leave is designed to spend time with your children so you could state there is a family wedding. They don't need to know the wedding is only one day. It could be abroad for a week for all they know.

So?

The generally understood position is that teachers can’t just take a Monday off in term time for someone’s wedding. Most people would know that. Teachers get enough time off in the school holidays.