To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

I'd just go to the wedding after school in the evening. It's a Monday, they must expect not everyone will be able to join them.

This is ridiculous. So your DH would rather you quit your job than have to miss someone's wedding.

Can you not attend later in the evening after school? Or as someone above suggested request different work days next year?

If you move job there's no guarantee you'll get Mondays off. You can't please everyone all the time. You're a teacher. You don't get random days off.

The close relatives (in-laws?) sound very immature and unreasonable. I don't know would I be quitting a job just to keep the peace with them.

Why would your relatives be confused by the easy to understand fact that your job doesn't allow holidays in terms time?

I wouldn't give up a job for a wedding but we obviously have different views on them. That's of course fine but it seems like a big step for a few hours on a day of the week that the B & G must know will involv guests having to take time off work

@heldinadream its not really like that. It’s more you get lots of ‘well can’t you just …’ and the problem is we could ‘just’ - IF the HT was willing!

I haven’t bothered asking for it yet as I know they won’t say yes so pointless!

I would most probably have between January & Easter without a salary. That would be fine. it’s more the PT thing.

That's the job though. No time off in term time. Can you not just attend in the evening ?

I'm struggling to understand how anyone can't understand that some schools would step up in this situation.

Over 30 years of teaching here. I've seen people (including myself) allowed a day off for weddings, funerals and of course job interviews. There should be contingency plans for sickness which can be adapted in certain other situations.

I’d keep my job and ditch the wedding.

@Zonder yes … I mean I have been here for three years and I have never known a school so unwilling to budge on time off. And in some ways that’s actually a reason to consider moving on. But the idea of it is a bit daunting as well.

If they aren’t fully staffed for September and you have the head the option of you arranging cover for the mon (swapping days) or handing in your resignation would they really choose the second? I know you say they are inflexible but if they are in recruitment crisis it is worth a conversation because something is going to have to change…

If you are serious about resigning then you might as well formally ask for the day off first. You could propose that you take a day unpaid and plan the work for your supply teacher. You have nothing to lose by asking.

"I haven’t bothered asking for it yet as I know they won’t say yes so pointless!"

How do you know? Have they refused other teachers' requests for time off for weddings, funerals etc? Has anyone ever asked their union for advice about it?

I would make it the HT problem. I’d go to them and say you’re either going to call in sick or resign unless they allow the day off and which would they prefer? If they choose your resignation there’s your answer, you are expendable to them and that’s not what you want in a job.

It does seem insanity quitting over a wedding however I couldn’t work in a job with such little regard for their staff

You've said close relative, how close?
My school is generally very good at giving permission for things like this but there is a limit.
But also I really don't get your family's attitude. If you have a wedding on a week day not everybody will be able (or want) to use leave to come to it (same for shift workers on weekends of course).
I'd like to add option 4 - don't go, they're being weird about it but also start looking for other jobs seriously because better schools are out there.

Oh they’d never agree to it, seriously. I agree it is madness as they lose good members of staff constantly but …

Under the circumstances I think that you need to go sick. That's the result of poor management and inflexible policies.

This

I'm surprised with them being so inflexible that you even managed to get PT work with them OP! Is your DH happy to cover all the bills and household expenses while you're between jobs? Must be nice to live in a world where everyone else is so 'flexible'!

I'd ask at work, just to be absolutely sure. But if they say no, what's for your family to not understand? The wedding is on a Monday - you're a teacher - you can't go. (at least to the day part - is it near enough for you to go later?)
There's no way I'd resign from a job just to go to a wedding. I can see this is a tricky situation but that would be right at the bottom of the list of options for me.

@GrammarTeacher theres no attitude, honestly. It’s my husbands family really. No one would give me a hard time but there would be disappointment and sadness and what a shames (MIL would actually like me to give up work, not because she’s a controlling cow or anything, she’s actually very sweet and constantly worried I’m overworked and exhausted!)

But also I suppose i do want to go myself. These things are important and yes OK they shouldn’t get married on a Monday but they’re young and want to save money and all work in jobs with no issues around flexibility. It makes me feel sad to think of my husband and children there without me!

Just to add it is mad how rigid teaching is (although I know some schools are a bit more understanding).

As you can't ever go to your children's events if you are a full time teacher we used to say "Teaching where Every Child Matters - except your own". To allow teachers to buy maybe 3 days annual leave each year (where their salary deduction could pay for their cover) would go such a long way to boost morale.

You should be job searching anyway, OP, regardless of the wedding. But I wouldn't quit without another job - especially as you want part-time.

to be honest @Tel12 it is tempting. I’d just be stressing all day.

How about looking for a non Monday working job now?

Why is not going such nit an option?

Your "close relative " presumably knows what you do and that you never have time off in term time They organised their wedding knowing you wouldn't be able to go.

@AnotherEmma the problem is there are good things to working there. It’s close by, it’s right near the secondary my children will most likely attend (quite a while away but …) I’m part time, have I mentioned the part time?

I have taught a long time and I’m cynical. I think schools are as bad as one another in different ways sometimes!