To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

There's another option - just don't go to the wedding. If you're a teacher, you should know that you can't take days off in termtime. It's just a few hours, and your relative will just have to accept that you can't attend.

There's dozens of examples in this post that show that point isn't correct anymore.

Sorry your HT is such a idiot!

Personally, I don't see a problem telling them something like
'due to a personal commitment that I have to be present for on monday the X date, I'm handing in my resignation, to finish on x date.
But I do hope you'll consider me once more after the X date for any open PT vacancies'
🤷‍♀️

Goodluck either way!

The added difficulty OP is experiencing is the rigid dates which teachers can resign on. The next resignation deadline is Oct 31 to finish at the end of Autumn Term. We basically have three dates we can resign. End of the three main terms. Continuity for students takes precedent over teachers. Arrangements can be made outside that but they are quite unusual.

Risky if colleagues already know about her dilemma.

So what happens if you need to go to the funeral of, say a parent on a Monday?
surely given enough notice they can line up a supply teacher??

And if you couldn't get a new job? Do what use all your savings and eventually plunge into hardship? Absolutely wild lol self preservation over a MONDAY wedding they have no respect expecting everyone to book a day off

I wouldn't go.

1977, DH was in his first role as deputy store manager for Sainsbury's. Due to be best man at a friend's wedding, who also worked for Sainsbury's. That week, the store manager was off sick,so it was DHs first time in charge of the store. The day before the wedding, his area manager called in and told him he had to work. He told him why he couldn't and was told What's is more important, your career or your friend? He worked, friend understood as he knew what the company was like. 4 weeks later DH resigned and went to another company where he had a very successful 10 years before starting his own business. If that is what the company is like, they will not change. Don't walk out, find another job, get the reference and leave them to it.

I would do this. I don’t think it’s stupid to resign to go to a close family members wedding which is an important life event. You can easily find another job in time but you won’t be able to attend the wedding again.

This. I think resigning is crazy. Different if it’s your own wedding or your children or parent.

you are not Ill. You have gone to visit family for the weekend and your car has broken down on way back/person you have gone with is too unwell to drive the Sunday night. You will return to work on the Tuesday.
remove yourself off all social media so you cannot be tagged in anything. Enjoy the wedding. Don’t quit your job over a HT being so unreasonable to let someone go to a family wedding.

OP has months to do her research and see what's available out there, even have some interviews etc. She's not resigning tomorrow with no job to go to.

Unless this close relative is a parent, a child or potentially a sibling, I think you’re mad. Probably I wouldn’t give up my job for a sibling or a parent wedding to be totally honest. But I can see why others might. Any other close
relative, that’s insanity in the current
climate in my view.
i would not in a million years miss my child’s wedding and I would quit my job for that yes.

If you are short staffed for September then I think it's worth a conversation to say you need the day off or you're leaving....I suspect they'll find a solution
Swapping your working days from September also seems like it might be a solution

Are you in a union? If so, I'd ring and ask them. I've been a teacher in N. Ireland for 20 years, and if it's genuinely close family we are entitled to a day for a wedding or funeral. I'm not sure exactly how close a relative it has to be now, but I know my boss had to let me out for my uncle's funeral even though he didn't really want to. And I know we're allowed a day for a wedding if you're in the bridal party- bridesmaid, groomsman etc even if not related. It's actually in our contracts. I know there are all sorts of small differences in conditions between the 4 nations, but it would be worth checking out.

Yes this. Don’t ask in advance as this would be obvious.
Sorry, haven’t had time to read all the posts.

Once again - the union can do nothing.

Does your school have a Leave of Absence/Attendance Policy for staff or something similar? This usually outlines what you can request and if you are paid or not. Most school plan in up to 3 days a year for absence due to funerals, appointments and, dependant upon the culture of school, DC or other dependants illness. As a retired Headteacher, I find your HT attitude appalling and this is the reason so many teachers are leaving profession. As long as you aren't requesting leave regularly or your DC have lots of time off, what is 1 day, particularly if it is unpaid. What would happen if it were a funeral? Wouldn't you be granted leave? Also, i always believed that requests for leave of absence should be directed to the Chair of Governors, not the headteacher.

You knew the score when you accepted the job, teachers have to work during term time. Either don’t go or inform your head you will be taking unpaid absence and face the consequences under the disc procedure. You will get a warning not the sack if you think it’s worth it. Ignore those saying call in sick as word gets around and social media drops to many in the s#it, abuse of absence policy could have worse outcome.

Ask for a different day off to the actual day you need and explain the situation in detail. Explain how important it is and get a feel for what they say. If they say yes. Just go back and say whoops I meant the 26th not the 16th... If they say no, call in sick on the 26th.

This is actually really unfair in you by your family member. When we had a big event for marriage, the first thing I did was check why my sister, who is a teacher, for dates that I could consider booking that she could come. She gave me her school calendar to work with.

doing the same thing for a big birthday party celebration I’m planning next year.

I wouldn’t dream of putting my sister in that type of position. I understand her work constrictions.

someone booking a Monday wedding should be aware they are asking a lot and understand some cannot make it.

I work in a school and we are allowed to take time off for weddings. Either unpaid or make the time up on a different day.
It sounds like a pretty grim school you work in.
i had my wedding on a Tuesday. I didn’t care about people attending and absolutely everyone managed to get time off work. I think those saying your relative doesn’t care are wrong and people can get married any day of the week - it often suits budgets better in the week.

Have my hard hat ready…

You have to set an example, pupils and parents are so harshly punished and it’s about to get worse for term time/unauthorised absence, it isn’t justifiable for you to have a day off for a wedding. Teachers also typically get 13 weeks off per year which is a significant amount of leave, I know you can’t take it when you like but that is the trade off with others who typically get less than half of that.

If it was a funeral or sickness then I’d get it but not in your circumstances.

Your choice of options seem a little entitled too. You’ll either lie, which is a disrespectful to your pupils and parents. How will you react when pupils ask “are you better now Miss?” or discipline a child who has lied knowing you have done so yourself? Or quit which has undertones of “if I don’t get my own way I’m off”.

This isn’t a criticism levelled at the profession, I really respect the position teacher’s hold and contribution you make. I think you have to take this one on the chin though, if your family can’t understand then they don’t seem very respectful to your role.

UR career CHOICE - however crazy it IS