To resign over a wedding?

[dancingrainbows]

It seems a bit crazy, but I work as a teacher.

A close relative has decided to get married on a Monday and I work Mondays. My school does not allow time off (even unpaid) for events like this at all, it just isn’t permitted.

My options are

1. Lie - my worry with this is that if I am ‘caught’ the repercussions are serious.
2. Resign. If I handed my notice in now I could leave at Christmas.

i don’t actually think I’d have a problem getting a new teaching job but I am currently part time and don’t want to lose this - it’s rare PT posts are advertised - and also getting settled in again somewhere is a pain. It’s a WWYD really. By the way I know not all schools are as inflexible as my current one but it really is.

I have to say your wider family sound very unsupportive! Surely if you explain that you are not allowed to take Mondays off they would not want you to loose your job!! Btw can you not take a weeks annual leave (which they have to allow ) and could include a Monday!

Where's the confusion? You can't take holiday when you want. You get the school holidays and that's it. Your relative has decided to get married on a weekday in term time which means anyone who works as a teacher can't go.

You would be absolutely mad to quit your job for the sake of a wedding. If the bride/groom really wanted you there they wouldn't have booked their wedding at a time you wouldn't be able to go.

OP, I totally get where you’ re coming from. I have had a nightmare trying to get a Friday off work unpaid for a family wedding (I’m a deputy head). My head has reluctantly agreed even though I work from 7am-6pm every day, weekends and the holidays.

In the end, what swung it was that I pointed out that if I started a new job, I’d say I needed a day’s leave which was pre-booked and a new employer would agree. So I didn’t threaten to resign but I think I implied it.

Do you actually really want to attend the wedding? Is it important for you to attend, or do you feel like you 'have' to attend due to family pressures, etc?
There are some people in my life that I would 100% not miss their wedding. Jobss, etc can be replaced but time can't. If you really arent too bothered about the wedding then definately do not quit your job!

Will your wider family pay your mortgage and all your other bills if you resign from your job to attend a wedding? Thought not - you really need to prioritise here. If you can live off fresh air, then go ahead, but really? If you are certain that you can walk into another job without any difficulty whatsoever, then resign and go to the wedding - but the reality is that this is extremely unlikely isn’t it?

I think I would speak to your head and explain that this wedding is so important you are willing to hand in your notice (if you really are). Explain this isn’t meant to be a threat, just an explanation. If they still won’t budge then you have your answer. Only do this if you’re serious about leaving though!
It’s tough; my last school had the same policy and I missed out on things but ultimately I liked the job and that for me was more important than the event. Only you can decide what is most important for you. Good luck!

Your relative has chosen to get married on a day most people won't be able to make without taking children out of school either. It is them who are unreasonable. You will be unable to go.

You are absolutely mad. resigning because of not being able to attend a wedding? And surely even if you go to work you can attend the evening of the wedding? It’s very normal for schools to not allow this (j have a few friends who are teachers). As noted above, if they really wanted you to be at their wedding they would know you couldn’t make it and wouldn’t have booked it.

I think it’s madness.
The wedding is on a working day, clearly you don’t like your job, but I would never leave my job to attend a wedding.
Would the person getting married ever consider that ? No.
No sensible person would. What happens if your husband is made redundant, and neither of you have work ?

I got married on a Monday. A bank holiday though

Perhaps this is just a made up story, as it so far fetched as to be unbelievable

I'd quit if it was important for me to attend. I've learnt the hard way that there are numerous things more important than jobs, which can be replaced. WE are replaceable within the job sector. Would it be possible for you to take up supply teaching if you can't secure another permanent role?

Mate, life happens and there is no obligation to offer or even able to achieve flexibility. Many factors affect school staffing. OP is lucky to have a role that meets her current needs. I have not been able to attend many friends or (not close) family and that's fine. Also many have married abroad which is immediately off the table

I think finding a new school would be a good idea but not really on account of the wedding - you will come up against their inflexibility throughout your life and moving somewhere with a bit more of a human approach would be better in the long run. (Edited to add I've had time off for a sports day, for example).

aren't teachers (at least in state schools) paid at a set rate, depending on how many years they've worked since graduating (until they get to the top) on the NUS scale?
All the teachers I know are.

Mate, some things are more important. I'm thankful that every teaching job I've had in the last 30+ years has had more human management and I've never missed a wedding or a funeral of anyone important to me.

That was the case years ago. Although I don't know what the NUS scale is that you mention.

When I started you worked your way up the pay scale year on year. And this was honoured when you changed schools. Now it's not guaranteed and you have to prove your worth to go up some of the scale. Moving schools could mean they don't put you as high up the scales as you were.

What's the NUS scale?

How bizarre to consider leaving your job for a wedding. And even more bizarre that people would look unfavourably at you if you didn’t. What sort of family are these to expect you to give up your job for their weekday wedding?

This seems like a very drastic and hot headed thing to do - to quit. It's not normal for teachers to get time off for weddings unless it's someone very close to you. I would just say to your relative that you can't. It's 1 day. They must be expecting it if they decide to get married on a Monday.

Could you explain you can't get time off and go straight after school finishes - which isn't going to be late?
As long as the bride and groom understand, no one else's opinion should matter x

Unfortunately, the lack of flexibility is one of the drawbacks in teaching.
Why don’t you run the idea of taking the day unpaid by your head, but give them a different date just to see what they say? You could always say hubby got the date wrong if it’s agreed. That way, if they say no then you won’t be pulling a sickie on the actual wedding day.
I noticed on one of your posts you said that you’re not even allowed time off for hospitality appointments unless it’s for an antenatal appointment? I’d be questioning this with your union. It sounds like your head is telling you all a load of BS. My last head was a complete dragon and even she couldn’t prevent anyone from going to the doctors/dentist. She’d make it clear how inconvenient it was, but there was nothing she could do about it.
If you do decide to resign and don’t get a job straight away, may I suggest handing your CV with a business card attached into your local schools for supply. I did this when I first qualified, as well as registering with an agency and 99% of the supply I did was directly with the school. You’ll be paid by your LA at your actual hourly rate.

Are you sure you didn't misunderstand the hospital appointment thing. We had an email ages ago asking to arrange appointments in holidays etc where possible. But obviously it's frequently not possible. And that's ok.
Unless I've missed it you haven't said how close this relative is? Why doesn't your husband just go on his own?

Sounds like you must work at the same school as my SIL! His head teacher is a bitch too!

I would only resign if I was unhappy in my job and looking to move anyway. To be honest, having your wedding on a Monday is a bit rubbish and you should expect people not able to attend. I think your family should understand that’s it’s out of your control, could you attend the evening part?