To be SO ANGRY with DM at end of exams meal

[Milliondoll]

I’ve bitten my tongue all evening 😡. I actually went off and had a private cry when we got home.

my DTs finished their GCSEs exams today and we took them out for a family meal at a lovely pub nearby. They’ve both tried really hard and I’m so proud of them.

DM has form for being a positivity hoover, and for bringing the mood down, but this was something else

I bloody knew she’d be like this as yesterday she mentioned the meal and said it ‘must’ also be a meal for DS1s birthday as he is 18 this week, and ‘you can’t be taking him out for a meal as well’. I brushed this aside and fumed to myself about this, I mean FFS when you are 18 don’t you deserve your own celebration- not to mention that my twins always have to share celebrations like this anyway? It’s on for her to be taken out get her birthday though.

She spent the whole meal being clearly ready to go full Cats Bum Face at teenage chat, and continually moaning about how ‘she never has starters and ‘I don’t know how you can eat all that anyway’ at 6’ teenage boys, and to top it all wanted to talk about the fact that she ‘hates all music’ and what precise nature sounds we must play at her funeral, as well as declaiming that she ‘doesn’t mind taking about her own death’ and then segueing into detailed exclamations about what a nightmare her estate will be when she’s dead.

i asked her how her meal was and ‘it’s fine yes’ (I mean, ‘oh nice yes’ or even, ‘lovely’ might have been nice.

I know this sounds intolerant but who thinks your won funeral is what we want to talk about at a celebration meal??

it’s been a long week so maybe I’m BU.

When your DCs are teenagers they’ll laugh and say do you remember when gran used to go on and on about the war and mum used to get in such a flap about it. And unfortunately when your DCs are as old as you are now and you are as old as your mum I rather think they’ll be laughing and telling you that they’ve heard whatever you’ll keep repeating before and will ignore you. So why don’t you do that now? Say oh come on mum nobody’s listening….and also remember that while she’s living with you you’re not forking out the inheritance in care home fees.

Yes you could and, if she raises it, tell her why. I expect everyone else will be overjoyed. She's happily being (overly) blunt and 'on the nose' - give her a dose of her own medicine and you will all have much more enjoyable celebration meals. She sounds very narcissistic, making it all about her and her views.

My DPs are going to be 85 in a few months and they act appropriately and are pleasant to be around, so age isn't an excuse - unless you do think it might be dementia related but I wouldn't be surprised if she's always been a moody cow/person

YANBU. I firmly believe that old people think that normal rules of politeness don’t apply to them once they get past X years old. My own mother is way past that age. Stay strong and try to make a joke of it.

if you "firmly believe' that then why put an "X" in that firm belief?

hiw did the school allow this?! I’d have booted them out and not let them sit the exam and then charged the parents the cost!

I find eating out really stressful now!
we went out for my nans 98th… because there were 5 of us tables were limited, the big tables all seem to be in dark corners and my nan did nothing but moan about it being dark, she felt hemmed in and claustrophobic… pulled a face all through the meal, did nothing but moan the meal was too big…
my daughter had put a LOT of time and effort into making her a really awesome cake… which she moaned she wanted to take home to cut as hated being in the restaurant… by then my DD was just pissed off with how the meal had gone and we left… so we didn’t see the cake being cut or get to have a slice!… we won’t be going for a meal with her ever again!
My birthday my DD really wanted to take me for a meal but had invited my parents, I know from experience all my parents do is moan about cost, temperate of food etc… mum almost always sends food back because it’s not piping hot…. Dad sits and says how many sacks of potatoes etc he could have bought for the price of the meal… my nan sits and talks about that weeks bowel movements! … so rather than go out I got a take out for me and parents (they moaned about how much they’d gone up in price!) and my DD took a salad and my nan had a micro meal 😂
It was still a bit of a headache but I hadn’t had to pay a fortune for the pleasure or cringe at strangers hearing the weird things my family talk about over dinner !! We’ve actually had people tutt and move tables in the past!!

You be sorry when she passes away.

Even if she lived in your house, you do not have to invite her.
Indeed, I'd be telling her why she isn't invited to functions and celebrations.
Why do people allow one person in their life to have such a negative effect on so many others in their life?

You reactivated a zombie thread to say this?