To make my husband sleep outside.

[FarawayFlower]

My husband frequently goes out after work for drinks with his colleagues, boss and the senior leaders at his work. He has a very well paid and respected job, and claims that city culture (London) very much promotes this aspect of his work. I do not have a problem with this, and I do know that much of the networking within his field does come from staying out for drinks and dinner after work.

HOWEVER, my husband never, ever takes a key to our home out with him! He asks me to leave the back door unlocked, which I do not feel comfortable doing as we have three small children, one of which is a baby. Even if it was just me in the house, I would not want to leave it unlocked. My flat was burgled a few years before I met my husband and this has made me even more vigilant about security. I do not understand why he cannot just take a key with him. The last few times he has come home, he has woken me (and probably the neighbours) up by ringing the door bell, calling my phone, knocking on the door. This is all after midnight.

He has just messaged me to say he is on his way home and to leave the back door unlocked. I have told him that if he does not have a key, he will need to sleep on the sofa in the outbuilding as I am not leaving the door unlocked, neither am I prepared to be woken up in the middle of the night to let him in!!

He’s now got really shitty with me telling me I am being unreasonable. Am I?

@FarawayFlower Glad he's getting a key cut - but a previous posters idea of a key safe with a key in it, is a really good idea and then no-one will ever be locked out - as long as when it is used the key is in it.

Get a key lockbox then u can lock up and he will not have to carry a key

Or he could just be like most normal adults and teens/tween and learn to carry his own key which he has agreed to according to OPs update.

Again, the key safe is NOT a good idea. As a pp said there are safety concerns with those, so if anything it should be a last resort - in this instance there’s no reason to risk using them since it can be easily solved by husband being an adult and carrying his key.

Her husband now knows he sleeps in the (heated) outbuilding if he forgets or he sorts his key out. Simple.

@Yojoo my DP's not even a locksmith although he is trained in carpentry so 'handy'. But then burglars and house-breakers are 'handy' as well.

All a house-breaker would have to do is wear a high-vis waistcoat and carry a clipboard and tape-measure for 'cover', snoop around and find the key safe, jemmy it off the wall, and open it.

Some key safes are so cheap and flimsy that DP could probably chisel straight into them in situ.

If people do buy one, get one that matches your insurance company specifications and that is the sturdiest and securest that you can afford.

He'll come up with another sneaky little way to control you now this one's coming to an end.

Please do keep your eyes and ears open - and let us know what it is.

But then burglars and house-breakers are 'handy' as well

Precisely!

Yeah a lot of the cheaper ones I saw online didn’t look so robust.

I’m glad OP isn’t going down that road anyway even with a more expensive one. It’s just so unnecessary when the solution is just for him to carry a key or sleep in the outhouse.

Now that he knows she won’t be waking up to let him in something tells me he won’t forget his key again 😄

Just get a key safe… job done

Has anyone mentioned a key safe yet?

😉

How can you tell a poster's on the app without them telling you they're on the app? ... 'just get a key safe!'

I was scrolling through to say this exact thing about Roy! Attach it to one of his sleeves so he can't lose it, up round his next and down the other sleeve 😂

Neck

I have thought of getting a key safe to save the teens taking their keys with them with the risk of loss (DS[18] in particular is a sod for this) as our new door has keys that are eye wateringly expensive to replace. Then I looked into it and it turns out that key safes are anything but! There is a locksmith business locally that also sells big solid safes and he doesnt recommend them. He says that even the best most solidly made one can be easily cracked by any burglar in the know, and that it is probably safer leaving a key under a stone in the garden because at least you are not advertising that there is a key to your home accesible from the outside. So we havent got one!

That said, I agree that this smacks of either lazy selfishness and him thinking of you as there for his convenience rather than you working together as a team, or at worst, its a control tactic.

I recall another thread about a bloke who refused to carry a key because, bascially, he thought it was beneath him to have to do menial things like think about that. It was his wife's (PA, personal servant, household appliance) job to do that as he was far too important. Cant remember what the up shot was but I do remember that the thread started about a key and ended up showing that she was being hideously treated by him because he thought nothing of her at all apart from as a convenience.

No, this definitely is not the reason. I grew up in a village and it was bleeding obvious that it was necessary to lock doors when I moved to a town. He just can't be bothered because it affects you not him. YANBU.

Well, the NDN couldn't get my Mum's off the wall for her with his angle-grander: and it took DH several hours to break into it to retrive the key once he'd got it off the wall.
It was one provided by one of those "care line" companies, so not just a tenner off Amazon.

If he did it professionally - as in, if he were to professional burglar - he could probably learn to do it much more quickly.

They seem very risky to me.

Too late now but if he can sleep in the out building can you just leave a spare key out there?

Glad that your message came through!

Can’t you hide a key in the outbuilding? Or install one of those Airbnb key holders? No way I would leave the doors unlocked with kids in the house.

He takes his keys or you get a key safe. Or agree on a random place to hide one? I used to leave one on one of the car tyres if I knew DH was out late. We now have a key safe.

Is he a Prince?

Is he a Prince that you have to wait for his presence?
I for one would not leave the door unlocked
Have you to squeeze toothpaste on his toothbrush

Why does his wife need to be responsible for his selfishness?

Neither is it hard for the husband to be responsible for his own key.

Yeah he's massively selfish. Maybe get a key box so it's locked outside so then he has to get out a code in to get it but it's there if he needs it

Like his mummy did with his mittens when he was five.