To ask if you had a preference for a boy or girl?

[gettingwhatyouwant]

No one seems to admit it on here (although in RL people do.) I insisted that I had no preference but I did have a girl preference in both pregnancies and especially in my second since that was my last.

YABU - only wanted a healthy baby
YANBU - I had a preference.

Due to my age when I fell pregnant I knew I would only be having one child. I was desperate to have a boy.

When I was told at a scan that it was a boy I felt like I’d won the lottery.

I think the main reason I wanted a boy is because DH and I are into what are traditionally more male oriented activities and wanted DC to enjoy those with is too.

We are definitely not pink dolls, Disney Princess and Taylor Swift types!

I had a very slight preference for a boy because to be truthful I was worried about raising a girl, with regards to gender stereotyping and expectations. I am not a particularly feminine or ‘girly’ woman and not into lots of things that are perceived to be feminine. (Yes, I know some boys like pink, glitter, ponies etc, but the force of gender stereotyping is much stronger than it was when I was a kid in the 80s!) I knew that if I had a girl, she would be inundated with pink and dollies and all the rest of it. I did have a girl, and yes, she was given lots of pink clothes and toys and was utterly Disney-Princess obsessed by the time she was 3 😂 But I had no choice but to get involved in it all, and embrace the glitter. As she got older, she got more into a range of stuff; sports, climbing trees and camping etc. She’s a young adult now and no longer wears pink, or heels or make-up. We’ve never done a spa weekend together but we make a great kayaking duo (we’ve beaten DH and DS twice 😏)

And then in my second pregnancy, I had a slight preference for a girl, as I already had one and felt like I knew what I was doing there. But it was a boy that time; he’s just finishing his GCSEs and is a total joy.

So both times, a mild preference and then got the opposite 😂 But it’s all worked out grand.

Not with my first (boy )

with my second I wanted a girl deep down . This surprised me as prior to my daughters pregnancy I had several miscarriages , so I was shocked I felt that way but I did 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think it was because I knew I was very unlikely to be pregnant again and This was my one and only chance for a daughter .

I wanted a girl first and then a boy. I read up on influencing conception based on timing ovulation and it worked for me …twice. I have one of each and wanted a 3rd but divorced instead. I’m very very close with both children who are young 20s and both were very easy to raise and very successful (bad husband but great kids). My DM had BGG her sis had GGB. DM always said my db made us wild girls whereas sis kids led by a girl were so much better behaved. If i had another I would have wanted a girl. DSIS and are very close and I wish that for my daughter. I didn’t notice but my dad did…daughter is only girl in 7 grands. If I’m honest I would say I would feel I missed out if I had never had a girl.

I crossed posts with you @Charlie2121. Yes, DD was into all that for a brief time, much to my chagrin, but we got through 😂

And in fact, DS went through a very similar phase, he was into dollies and pushchairs, and wore the Disney Princess dresses and shoes, nail polish etc ❤️

Both kids subsequently have been into much more outdoorsy stuff, sports etc. They like a bit of musical theatre though, and shopping and skincare! So a mix of interests, just like most of us!

To all those who only wanted a healthy baby, what happens if you don't get one of those?

(I realise it's a figure of speech but lots of people sadly don't have "healthy" babies!)

I had a slight preference for a boy. We have lots of girls in our family and I assumed I would have girls. I’m quite a tomboy and don’t like girly stuff!

I also was an awful teen daughter! So wasn’t sure I could cope with that dynamic. Quite like the uncomplicated nature of boys.

Surprisingly I had 2 boys. DH wanted a girl the second time.

I do think it’s true that there is very little difference in the sexes until puberty but my thinking was that my child will be an adult for much longer than she was a child and it was that relationship that was important to me. So I had a very strong preference for a girl and luckily thats what I got. She’s fab.

I think a lot of it are Instagram optics - lots of rainbow colours, glitter, ‘little princess’, frillier names, a kind of sense of girls being cuter and somehow more vulnerable and easier to want to love/protect. Plus the idea of them being your best friend as they get older because ‘sons go off with their wives’.

I know numerous families who have had (for example) 3 boys and then their ‘little girl’. The boys are then ignored and grow up lovely kids because of benign neglect. The girl is pandered to and grows up to be a sullen nightmare.

I have one of each and I have to admit, the little girls in DD’s class seem such hard work compared to the boys. There’s a good few who are moody, always crying, always hanging on to their mum’s legs and basically joyless/anxious. I do wonder if it’s because of the way we raise girls now.

I wanted a little boy. I don’t know why, but I never considered that the baby wasn’t a boy. Any attempts to have a look were thwarted by awkward positions and I wasn’t in a position to pay for additional scans.

I was very shocked when I had a girl.

I will also add -

I think ‘gender disappointment’ is much more of a thing now because people have so few children. When I was growing up, 3 or 4 children was normal. Now it’s 2, or just one. So more rides on it as ‘it’s my only chance to have a boy/girl’.

I thought I would have a girl, just how I imagined my first baby being for some reason, and I could only find girls names I like.
First trimester got convinced it was a boy. Don't know why. I think part of it was my anxious brain saying " get used to the idea of having a boy so you're not disappointed ". So it was in my head all the time. Like I really pictured "him" , really imagined myself with "my son".
Anyway when the scan came back she was a girl I had a moment where I was genuinely a bit sad. It was like the baby I imagined had vanished. Now she's here, she's perfect it's like of course she is.

Also weirdly even up to labour I had midwives saying they would have guessed a boy (can't remember exactly why? Something they normally saw in pregnancy with boys??)
And my FIL saying it was probably a boy because I had put on weight around face (gee thanks)

But realistically I would have been happy with either. Now I think if I don't have another daughter I need at least one of my friends or family to have one because I keep smashing away all her cute clothes and I want to see them used (jk)

I wanted a boy. Desperately! And was lucky enough to have two. Third time though I really wanted a girl, and again was lucky. Raising boys and girls is completely different no matter what people try and tell you. I think it's normal to have a preference. If I'd had a third boy I would have been disappointed but only for one tiny moment - you love the baby you get regardless!

@MaryMaryVeryContrary
Blimey, you've got an extremely negative view of why some people would like a girl. Maybe some of it's true for some women but it's certainly not for me. It quite an insulting suggestion tbh. You must know some really weird families if the girls are like you describe.

Likely due to the long term future, and how adult sons and daughters tend to perform very different ongoing roles in their family/parents’ lives.

Not at all, I wanted a girl, because most of the men in my family are violent alcoholics. If somebody had guaranteed my son would be fine I wouldn’t have given the sex a second thought. And some other women will have equally good reasons, but most fall into the ‘I want a cute little girly to dress up and feel all feminine with’. I know loads of women who wanted girls with nothing more to it than the clothes are nicer, names prettier and ‘I just really want my little princess’

Just like me, in the late 70’s and early 80’s you didn’t have any of the pee on a stick tests/scans/baby showers etc.
I did have one of each but quite honestly I didn’t mind at all what I had so long as they were healthy.
Oddly I was rightly convinced dc1 was a girl and I was equally sure dc2 was a boy.

I genuinely would have been very happy with either. However, for my first I had a slight preference for a girl because nearly everyone in my family is male! My first was a girl.
For my second I had a preference for a boy. He was a boy.
I would have been happy with two boys or two girls.
I feel you get what you're given and your job as mum is to love them for who they are not what they are.

A boy is fine. Alot of men do more for their mothers than the women I know. Anyway I wouldn't want my child giving me hands on care so it doesn't matter !

With my first I genuinely didn’t mind, it was a surprise so I think I was honestly just in shock about the concept of having any sort of baby!

My second I sort of vaguely wanted a boy for myself (first was a girl and I thought it would be nice to experience one of each) but I wanted a girl for DD as I knew she was desperate for a sister, so would have been happy either way! I had a boy and DD adores him so it all worked out.

Not sure if I would have a preference for a third- on the one hand a boy would be much easier to pass things on directly from DS, but on the other hand I wonder if GBG mitigates the middle child syndrome a bit as everyone gets to have their special place- oldest, youngest, and only boy.

I felt more confident of my ability to parent a girl, and for that reason I didn't find out in advance. I knew that when the baby (result of years of treatment) arrived I would be utterly delighted and wouldn't care, so I decided to wait for the arrival.

Before having children I always wanted one of each, older boy followed by a little girl.

After getting pregnant I really felt strongly that I wanted a little girl, I was 39 so assumed this was my one chance of a baby. I was initially a little disappointed to be told baby was a boy but it was a fleeting moment, he is absolutely the love of my life, The most perfect, beautiful, happy smiley little baby who is now a gorgeous 6yr old boy.
I got pregnant again at 42 and had no strong preference. Maybe even wanted a little boy more this time round after the experience of having DH. DD arrived and she's amazing, total opposite to DS....she's so dry, funny, serious but with a heart of gold like him.

I only wanted a healthy and clever baby. I cared more about that than gender, because I want my child to have the advantages of being smart enough to use the skills I hope to give them to live a good life.

I had a weird antipathy to having a blond baby (which would 100% come from me - husband has dark hair). All my friends' blond babies look like children from Village of the Damned, freaks me out.

DS is dark blond, and I really love his hair.

He's also bloody gorgeous, which is a nice bonus.

Oh, and everyone who guessed the sex guessed girl, so it really got in my head that he was a girl, so I was surprised against my will.

MIL was briefly disappointed he was a girl, but got over it to lay a billion and one stereotypes on him. GMIL tells me that MIL was exactly like the 'little boy behaviours' that MIL is always banging on about!

I wanted a girl. My DGM who passed a couple of years before she was born, had told me she always dreamed of me having a little girl. Additionally my husband already had a son and I was somewhat jealous that although he'd never been married before, he'd already had the experience of parenting. I thought that although I wasn't going to give him his first baby, I hoped I'd give him his first daughter.
I had a daughter, and although I love her to death, I do think that a lot of those feelings were purely hormonal and that I would have had just as much love for and joy from a son.