To ask if you had a preference for a boy or girl?

[gettingwhatyouwant]

No one seems to admit it on here (although in RL people do.) I insisted that I had no preference but I did have a girl preference in both pregnancies and especially in my second since that was my last.

YABU - only wanted a healthy baby
YANBU - I had a preference.

First child - wanted a girl - got a boy. Experienced gender disappointment, but got over it and of course adore my boy.

Second child - didn't mind which - got a girl.

I experienced fertility issues, need fertility treatment to get pregnant. Had miscarriages and including one which I had to deliver one at 17 weeks.

I still had gender disappointment with my first. You can't help how you feel.

So people who judge - can just fuck right off.

I don't know. I often wonder this!

My son is lovely! So is my daughter. They're both great in their own unique way.

During pregnancy I split with my child’s dad (abusive). I knew from birth I was going to be a single parent, so at the time I hoped for a girl as I thought it would make it easier for me in my situation. I ended up having a boy and nothing else mattered. I think I got myself so worked up on the fact that if I had a boy I cannot do all the ‘dad’ stuff with him or silly things like teaching him to stand up and wee. But regardless of gender, you adjust to the parenting. I’m very grateful I had a healthy child.

They don’t in all cultures. I work in Leicester where boys are in demand!

I think women often want subconsciously a version of themselves though.

I only wanted to have boys as I have such a poor relationship with my own mother I had no idea how I would bond with a daughter.

(I have one of each and DD and I have bonded just fine :) )

I think women often (not always, as this thread shows) want girls and men (NAM) want boys.

I really wanted girls. Did not think I would be a great parent to a boy as I thought they would be so challenging for me - active, naughty, and different to me.
Had both and SURPRISE - the boy was an utter delight - easy, happy, loving little fellow who grew up as a polite, athletic teenager who loved to talk, and reread Harry Potter.

Each child was individually gorgeous and their personality was not that much influenced by their gender. That was also surprising.

I didn't have a preference, although always pictured myself having boys. Was definitely surprised when my first was a girl as that's not what I imagined, but not disappointed, just shocked. Then with my second I also. didn't have a preference, but again, felt it was going to be a boy,and thought how lovely it would be to have one of each. She was another girl. Again, not disappointed, just the complete opposite of what I'd always pictured in my head. And I love having girls, they're wonderful, and I wouldn't change it for the world. Thry are best buddies and now I couldn't picture things any other way.

But I have noticed that often on threads where it seems quite severe there’s an issue with the posters own mum: often she’s passed away. My own mum died when I was 17 and I think this might be partly why I so desperately wanted a girl.

I didn’t have a preference, I don’t think. I was just so bloody excited to finally meet my baby, after a longgggg ttc journey. If I had to choose, I think I probably would’ve picked a boy, which we did have, but there was no part of me that would’ve been disappointed with a girl.

I was so anxious about the prospect of miscarriage, genetic abnormalities, congenital defects etc that I didn't really give it much thought prior to my 30 week scan. I was just holding my breath at the scan for a good outcome. But I have to admit, once I knew everything looked good and I found out I was having a little girl I was very pleased. Although equally I might have felt the same if it had been a boy, I'm not sure. My daughter now tells me she wants a sister and we are ttc again. I have had such a positive experience of having a little girl that I probably do have a vague preference for another girl, but I know if I turn out to have a boy I'll be so besotted with him that that will all fly out of the window in an instant.

So for me gender preferences are vague and fluid, and ultimately the baby I end up with will be the love of my life regardless of what I might have felt about theoretical boys or girls.

We didn't know what we were having in my day until the baby was born..we bought neutral clothing.. prams etc..
Once born we were given gifts from friends and family according to what we had. ( no stupid baby showers,).
I didn't have any preference...was happy to be having them ( 2 daughters) l had PCOS and Endometriosis.
Had a miscarriage and Ectopic.
I now have four Grandsons..
Well blessed.

After 6 rounds of IVF. I just wanted a baby.

But, if someone had held a gun to my head and asked for a preference it would have been a boy. I got a boy.

And when was Your Day @IWantToBeASleepingCat ?

I have BBGB. My daughter had gender disappointment when she found out she was having a third brother!

It's weird really, my whole life I always dreamt of having a little girl, used to imagine dressing her in stylish clothes, doing her hair, playing with girls toys with her etc, and then when I found out I was pregnant, out of nowhere I felt an overwhelming urge to want a boy! Perhaps because I have an amazing relationship with my little brother who is considerably younger than me and I was always a bit like a third parent, or maybe because I'm a bit of a tomboy at heart but my feelings did a complete 180. He's here now and he is the most perfect amazing thing in my life, but I would no doubt say the same if he'd ended up being a girl haha!

Only with dc3 did I really have a preference.

Dc1 - zero preference at all. I just wanted a healthy baby after a previous mc. Had a boy.

Dc2 - no preference again. I was torn between thinking it would be lovely for ds to have a brother and it would be lovely to experience 'the other side' and have one of each. Had a boy.

Dc3 - strong preference for a boy. Dc were 8 and 6, we were living in a 2 bed house and unsure when we'd move - so a third boy would at least give us more time as we had one absolutely massively bedroom they could share. I had loads of baby boy clothes still in storage and I realised that I enjoyed the 'simplicity' of having boys...(shorts, t-shirt, full belly, a big stick to play with and they're golden IME 😂). Was nervous of how a girl might change things up. Had a boy and was very relieved.

Mine passed away as well but prior to that I didn't have any contact with her for years, she wasn't a nice mother to me and I was raised by my dad so I think that's where my initial preference came from as I'd never felt like I was part of a mother/daughter "team" so to speak

I wanted twins- one of each, but that wasn’t to be, thankfully 🙏🏾.
Other than that, just wanted a healthy baby. Cared so little about sex, I waited until birth to find out the sex.
My ex wanted a son, but was happy with a girl.
My mum and sisters wanted a niece so much so they named her and would call her by said name all the way through my pregnancy 🤷🏽‍♀️.

I really wanted a girl every single time I was pregnant although the 2nd and 3rd pregnancy my main concern really was that they were just healthy ( 1st DC passed away shortly after birth )

I only ever envisioned raising daughters. I did not like the idea of a son ( my whole family is women no uncles no dads no Male cousins on scene or grandad ect )

But funnily enough, since having my DS I have completely switched and would only ever want another son if I had another baby. I really regret all the time I spent worrying and not wanting a boy because he is my easiest happiest chilled child and such a joy to raise.

Saying women who have a preference shouldn't have children is a classic, black and white response that is often seen on mumsnet.

My first child was a boy amd I didn't care. I didn't think I cared when I got pregnant the second time, but right as the sonographer started scanning me, I had a moment of panic where I thought 'oh no, what if its a boy?'. I have no idea where it came from but it felt very real. The baby was a girl but I know I would have loved a 'him' just as much.

Third time around, I felt very swayed towards a boy and when the doctor scanned me and said it was a girl, I felt a bit flat as I had bonded with a boy (as that's what I was expecting, even though it makes no sense). I got over it quickly and my little girl is fabulous and I'm so glad she was a girl.

I've no idea where my preferences were coming from but they didn't preclude me from being a good parent. I love all of my children equally and would have done regardless.

If I was to get pregnant again, I do think I would be too preoccupied with the health of the baby to think about the sex, as I'm now in my 40s and was in my 30s when I had the others. The reality of risks are more on my radar.

As long as a mother isn't dressing her son up as a girl to pretend she has a daughter or shouting at her daughter that she wished he'd been a boy, and that it's a private emotion that's dealt with appropriately, then any disappointment about the sex does not equate to poor parenting.

I wanted a boy with my first pregnancy. I'm not girly and have a bit a masculine energy. I thought I'd have a better bond with a boy as he grew up. She was a girl and of course there's been zero issues and she is a tomboy like I was. I had no preference the second time and had a boy.

If I could have chosen, pre-kids, I would have said one of each was my ideal. When we found out I was having fraternal twins i felt one of each would be perfect. I would have been happy with two girls and fine with two boys but always imagined I'd have a daughter. I think we might have tried again if we'd had same-sex twins. As it happens we got one of each and I couldn't be happier l.

I thought you said no one admits to gender disappointment/preference on here.

I had a mild-moderate preference for a girl. I was very happy to find out we were having a girl but did experience a sense of loss for a few days at the realisation that I would never have a son. Even if people are disappointed it doesn't mean they end up not loving their child.

I wanted a girl both times, but have two boys. We had a surprise first time, and I was surprised but not disappointed when it was a boy. Second time, we found out, and I remember a twang of sadness, but as soon as I saw my then toddler son, I felt so excited that he would grow up with a brother. They are 8 & 11 now and I wouldn't change them for the world. In fact, we tried for a third and I was sort of hoping it would be a boy. Unfortunately, we had multiple miscarriages, which really sent home the message that sex had never mattered.