A bad mummy re child starting school :(

[Hellodarknessmyfriend]

My little one is due to start school in September. We have been given a list of 11 days relating to the transition in; stay and plays, meet the staff, home visit, staggered start times etc.
The issue is they are all (naturally) over the course of a school day and I am primary teacher.
Literally the only one I can attend is an evening Welcome Meeting.
This makes me looks like a rubbish parent, doesn't it?

Of course not. Loads of parents can't make all of that. Sounds like loads of overkill on transition anyway.

Are you a single parent? Is the other parent around and going to any of these sessions?

Well, as the teachers who will be teaching your child are, by definition, if they have children, working parents operating under similar constraints, no!

Not to me. It just makes you look like a normal parent. I remember being exactly the same as you, and DS is 19 now by the way. It's a lot. Just stay chirpy when you're talking to your wee one about it and cover it as best you can.

Of course it doesn't. Loads of parents work during the day and can't attend.

At our school parents pushed back on a lot of this over a few years. Most of the parents work. Luckily the head was sensible and pared it all back.

Are you a single parent OP?

Most people cannot take eleven days to work through a completely unnecessary transition for kids who have been in childcare settings since before they could walk and are well used to adapting to different routines. The transition periods are only useful to the children who have been at home full-time prior to starting school.

@DappledThings I'm in an area where I would say there are more SAHMs than working ones, and of course being a teacher is in itself incredibly inflexible.
My husband is going to try to attend a few but also works full-time in a job with limited flexibility.
All school runs will be done by my mum.

@Troubledprimarymum Have a husband but he too is limited. Daughter attends a preschool 3 days a week, rest of the time she is with my mum.

I think it makes you look like a realistic mum. And honestly if a fellow teacher can’t recognize this then they’ll surely be eating crow when they find themselves in the same situation at some point.

Out of interest what do you think other working parents do?

And what do other working parents have done when you've been seeing them for parent teacher meetings, school plays, sports events that are held mid morning or mid afternoon during their working hours?

@Troubledprimarymum Flexibility with hours so they can attend?

Luckily for us, the drawn out transition and visit sessions wasn't a thing at the school my DCs attended. DH and I are both teachers so it would have been hard to negotiate so much time off our own schools to attend. Neither of us was able to be there for first days of reception either as it was the first day of term for our own classes. Now our DCs are teenagers so starting school seems like a long time ago. Neither of them remembers that we weren't there for their first day, multiple sports days or other such occasions.

Honestly. Park that guilt now

Yes some are SAHM or people with flexible hours, but you have the benefit of being off school holidays. Plenty of parents don't have that.

It's totally fine.

It might come as a shock to you but many of us don't have flexibility with our working hours.

In the real world, we have to either miss going or use annual leave days (and seeing as many of us get approx twenty annual leave days a year as opposed to the number teachers get), that would be eleven annual leave days alone for this sort of 'transition' period. I know families who holiday together one week a year because every other annual leave day (between two adults working full-time) is taken up with covering school holidays or school events.

Welcome to being a parent of a school going child and watch your DH say goodbye to his annual leave while counting yourself lucky that you don't have to cover childcare during the summer hols too!

@Anotheranonymousname Thank you. I also have two teenage sons (14 and 17) but for them I was in a position in which I could attend these events as only working very part-time back then.
@sleepwouldbenice Thank you. I guess my worry is the school may see me not attending as me not caring. Which absolutely could not be further from the truth

Hi, my little one is starting school this year too. We have a list of dates for the diary and it is absolutely impossible to do them all. If it makes you feel better, we’re missing the “meet the teacher “ day next week.
when I was wee, my parents said we have nothing like these days and visits and I turned out just fine lol

Is that what you really thought about parents not attending meetings and school events held during school hours? Really? That is disappointing, yet unsurprising, to hear from a teacher.

@Troubledprimarymum Of course not. But in all honestly I do find it disappointing when non-working parents are able to attend events, parents evenings etc, but choose not to.

@Letsbekindplease Thank you. It's so tricky for working parents isn't it 😞

Not at all - Teachers of all people will understand you can’t just “ditch” your class for a couple of hours ! And I bet a number of the other parents won’t have that level of flexibility either if they work. Like all working mums you’ll do your best to support the events you can

But you are not a non working parent choosing to not attend. You know you are being ridiculous.
perhaps this experience will make you a more considerate teacher.

@Snoopysimaginaryfriend How am I not considerate? That makes zero sense.

I hope that’s now how you’ve been judging working parents as a teacher!

of course it doesn’t mean you don’t care or you’re a bad parent - it means you’re a parent meeting their responsibility to provide financially for their child.

@MissTrip82 Of course I don't judge working parents for non attending as I'm in exactly the same boat!
But I do find it disappointing when non-working parents don't attend things like parents meetings etc.

I work as well but my Mum helped with transitions. There was only 2 she had to go to and she had to wait in foyer as teacher took him in. Rest was done by nursery. He was quite happy to trot off with the teacher doing it. Mum said a couple of kids were shy to go but went with the teacher who was very kind and patient with them. Teacher came to nursery too and we didn’t have to be there.