A bad mummy re child starting school :(

[Hellodarknessmyfriend]

My little one is due to start school in September. We have been given a list of 11 days relating to the transition in; stay and plays, meet the staff, home visit, staggered start times etc.
The issue is they are all (naturally) over the course of a school day and I am primary teacher.
Literally the only one I can attend is an evening Welcome Meeting.
This makes me looks like a rubbish parent, doesn't it?

It doesn’t make ‘zero sense’.

I work full time, as does my husband. We simply cannot attend every event that is planned during working hours. Schools and teachers don’t seem to recognise that. They don’t seem to recognise that I can’t just ‘speak to a teacher about any issues at drop off and pick up’ because there’s only one day of the week I can actually make pick up with my roster the way it is and my DH is even worse. Or that parents evening running from 3pm to 630pm means that trying to get a slot is worse than trying to get a GP appointment.
Hopefully now you can use your own experience as a parent to be more understanding.

Incidentally being a ‘non working’ parent doesn’t mean you are available for everything either.

Can your Mum not do ir ?

@Snoopysimaginaryfriend You're tarring all teachers with the same brush there.
When do you expect to be able to speak to a teacher about any "issues" you may wish to dsicuss, btw? What do you suggest happens re parents evenings?

Bring back the contact books they had before so I can write a note to a teacher? Have parents evening slightly later like they do at secondary school?

Well what do you want them to do for you? You’re the one who has stated you judge non working parents who don’t attend events.

@Snoopysimaginaryfriend Have you suggested a book to the CT?
Yes I do think non-working parents should make an effort to attend parents evenings if they are able.

Your OP literally said ‘This makes me looks like a rubbish parent, doesn't it?’

If you are looking at this situation as a primary school teacher yourself and thinking parents in your situation are ‘rubbish’ then hopefully this will make you a more considerate and empathetic teacher.

@Snoopysimaginaryfriend It would make no sense for me to think other working parents are "rubbish."
As I've said again and again, I get it when parents work.

Do you think perhaps there are so many different transition day events, so that the school can allow for a variety of hours for people to be able to attend, and not assuming that everyone will be able to attend everything?

How does it work in the school you work at? Do you feel those that don’t attend everything are “bad parents”?

@AzureSheep Personally I don't see the point of so many at all!

You are not a bad parent.

The school are making unreasonable demands by putting 11 days into parents. Completely OTT

Then why are you starting a thread calling yourself ‘a bad mummy’ and saying ‘This makes me looks like a rubbish parent, doesn't it?’ Just because you are working?

If you just want everyone to say it’s a crap situation then yes, it is crap that you can’t make every event but that’s life.

Enjoy your evening and I hope your LO settles in well.

Then why are you getting so het up about it? You don’t see the point of the days, so don’t stress about missing them, or about what other people think about you missing them.

Where does the worry that the school may not think you care come from?

If it's not an opinion you've held yourself.

@MinervaMcGonagallsCat Because I will have very, very little contact with the school. No drops offs, no picks ups etc.

But surely as a teacher you must know that's quite normal for working parents.

Why can’t your mother do the other days/times?

Can you send your mum to some as she will be doing all pick ups and drop offs? (What a woman - committing to all that!)

11 days is ridiculous by the way. I’d be reaching out to the school to ask which sessions were actually essential and which ones are fluff

I was going to say the same thing. If your mum will be doing drop offs etc, surely it makes sense for her to be building a relationship with the school anyway?

11 separate days sounds ridiculous. Most people with jobs wouldn't be able to attend them all. My DS starts school in September and there is a home visit and a welcome afternoon. That seems more than enough to me.

So you don't judge working parents as a teacher but think other teachers will judge you as a working parent? Is that your experience of your colleagues?

You do however judge non working parents for not going to school events. Maybe they have other responsibilities eg caring for other children, an elderly parent. Or they just don't want to go. Their choice.

Judgemental people often worry others will judge them. It figures.

Can your mum take her to some of the sessions? You definitely won’t be the only one who can’t attend.

I agree this doesn’t make any logical sense. You say you only judge non-working parents who don’t come to events. The school will know you are a working parent and so by definition you shouldn’t be “judged” because they will know you are at work.

I think what you actually meant your OP to say is something more like “my daughter is starting school but I can’t go to most of the transition events because of work, I feel really awful about not being there and also sad that I’m missing it” in which case I’m sure a lot of people would empathise. But saying that as a PRIMARY SCHOOL teacher you think it will make you look like a “rubbish mum”? That only makes sense if you also think that parents at your own school who don’t attend events because they’re at work are rubbish.

Also where is your DCs dad, surely he could attend some of these? And if not then why don’t you think he’ll be judged for being “rubbish”?

Op non working parents can have kids at home or caring or volunteering responsibilities, it’s not that they decide they’re not coming.

And how does OP know which are the "non working parents" anyway? Has she been stalking them? Checking their bank accounts? How is she making this lofty decree on the parents of her students? All sounds very judgemental.